dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

[mrsfuzzy]

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' .
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

It's not so much that it's wrong to pay rent and contribute to the household. It's more that the dd seems to be subsiding her family while they sit on their arses playing video games.

Wow. Just wow.

op, surely the question is why is your dh working 26 hours when he has a wife unable to work and a house full of grown up kids?

that's the real problem here.

I can understand your dd moaning, but she has grown up and needs to contribute, she'll get that one of these days.

but why oh why isnt your dh working more hours or some other job that he can get around the hours he has?

My mum charged me that much 15 years ago in similar circumstances except that both my parents worked full time and earned a decent wage. So I don't think you are being unreasonable and it's pretty normal to moan about paying rent regardless of your age, or so it seems from mumsnet threads

Have read a lot but not all of this. Seems to me that it would be fairer if you charged DS on jsa a bit more. But the amount is not unfair per se.

Onlylovers* anyone with half a brain would know that it takes more than 10 minutes of reading a thread to earn some money. And yes, plenty of people are happy enough to take the easier option of charging their DC higher rent than necessary to meet their bills. I know people who have done it. Its not unimaginable. Away on with yourself.

And yes, it is fucking horrible to hang a threat of eviction over your child as some have suggested OP should do.

double it and put the other half towards paying off her debts. Or she can move out.

consequences of choices.

There are plenty of reasons why DH can't pick up a second job. His current hours could be incompatible with what's available in his area; other part time jobs could be too far away to manage; he could be overqualified for whats available... for all we know he is actively looking and feeling like a failure for not being able to find anything! Reduced hours means that he WAS working full time, but something happened, and now he's not. Don't write anyone off for being a bum when you don't know the full situation. And quite frankly, the full situation isn't anyone's business. OP doesn't need to justify it.

Elf, why are you assuming that the OP is taking the 'easier option'? She could perfectly well –probably IS, in fact – be doing what she and her family have to do to get by. You're jumping to very unflattering conclusions about her and your attitude, frankly, stinks.

I think the son on Jsa should pay more too. When DH lived at his parents after losing his job, he gave them 30 quid a week rent, 10 quid towards the weekly shop, and the rest went towards bus fares to job interviews, toiletries etc

In response to that blanche then if this isnt about meeting OP's bills then no reason to charge her DD anymore than what it costs for the DD to living there and small amount for half the box room. If it is about OP not managing to cover her own bills and needing extra from her DD then yes that info (of what OP and DH were doing to remedy their income shortage) would have been useful in the OP

If she needed to study full time, you could argue about making her pay rent, so that she had to sacrifice study time to do a job. But she's chosen to get a job, but wants to spend the money on having fun. I think it's completely fair to charge her rent. And that's whether or not the father could be working more than he does. Why should a 21 year old who is earning have the right to sponge off her parents indefinitely? A student at university will have taken out a massive loan to pay for their accommodation, which they will spend the rest of their life re-paying.

that info (of what OP and DH were doing to remedy their income shortage) would have been useful in the OP

Not our business. If someone says they're charging what they need, and they find it hard to make ends meet, the decent thing is to believe them. Or at least not go to any lengths to DISBELIEVE them.

This makes me grateful to my own parents.

It seems to me she's the only one in the house approaching full time work (college and a job)

DS pays £150 pcm plus a share of the council tax - he also sorts out his own lunches
DD is currently unemployed and also spends most of her time at her boyfriends house so pays £80pcm
I don't expect any major contribution to bills as I would have to pay them anyway
They both contribute in a different way by helping with housework and supporting me generally especially if I'm not well

Because it's that simple isn't it? Employees are falling over themselves to offer more hours to their employers... hmm

He doesn't need to get more ours from his existing employer there is clearly part time work available as the DD has found some. Unless she is working as a topless lap dancer then that's work that her brother or father or indeed the OP may be able to do.

Good, well paid career jobs are not growing on trees, but there is work available in most areas for people willing to do it.

£50 for a shared room seems a bit high but her paying rent is not at all unreasonable.

Well the OP refers to not getting her DD's full £50 a week as a drop in income so it does sound like its being counted as income rather than just covering costs.

And OP isnt doing all she can if she isnt charging the other adult in the house £50 to be there. Which surely he must cost them if thats what the DD costs despite being there less.

OP hasn't said she is unable to work unless I missed it. She said she is limited for work. She is either able to do some work or if not able for work at all then should she be receiving extra benefits? Is her husband her carer? Do the "special needs" her child has that renders them unable to get part time work entitle them to extra benefits? I honestly don't know but whilst I am not in agreement with people getting cash for nothing, if OP and her family are entitled to benefits then they should get them.

I actually think that the wider situation is totally relevant.

You could get a room with all bills included for 50 a week in my town. I think 25 a week is plenty esp as she has to share a room.

Income does cover costs.

She says the daughter is the only one working, so presumably the only one realistically able to pay.

The wider situation is not irrelevant, but it's not on to clamour and bitch at the OP for not spelling it all out. I'm assuming she's a) doing all she can re household income/expenditure and b) telling us all that is pertinent to her question.

So one of your children hasn't got a job and presumably pays nothing. Yet the one who is working and goes to college has to pay 50 a week.
I think that's out of order and your dh needs to get a full time job as well as your other child.

I felt a little sympathy at first when you said she was in college and working all weekend, then you said she was 21 and I changed my mind! In view of your family's situation, her age, and the fact she can waste money the way she does, YANBU.