dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

[mrsfuzzy]

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' .
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

Youve (again) misunderstood me blanche. My point about their house and 5 kids was not that they shouldnt have had them but that they are their responsibility to pay for and not their daughter's. If their bills arent being met then they are the ones who should be working out a way to either reduce bills or get more money. And no i didnt suggest either go and tell an employer they now work for them. This is 2016, 10 minutes on moneysaving expert will give you a huge list of suggestions for making extra money according to your requirements and skills. But i suppose taking it off your child with the threat of eviction is easier.

I would not let any child who is studying full time to pay anything. She only earns £600 and you want over a third of that and she doesn't have her own room?!

I would however expect a 21 year old living at home to do their share of chores such as laundry/ironing/cooking.

Having said all that, if we were struggling to put food on the table then I would expect my children to chip in to help - even if they only worked part time.

It depends how you brought them up in the end and what values they have been instilled with.

I don't get when people say "oh they'd not find a roof anywhere else for £50". You're not a landlord you're a parent and part of that is providing a home. That doesn't just end when they turn 18. It also doesn't mean you should subsidise your 30 year old who won't move out I don't think I'd take that stance with a 21 year old student.

That's so out of order pyjamas. Her husband works, she has a medical condition so can't and the rest are still young bar the adult children both of whom pay rent.

Why do you have to be so judgmental when you know very little about the situation?

Born, you were asking for three months wages for a holiday. Op is asking for a third of a month's wages to pay living costs.

It's not really comparable.

Born - for what it's worth, I didn't think you were wrong to ask your DD to contribute to the holiday. I'd have done the same.

From what I read the dh works a few hours and that's it.

Elf, like the rest of us you only know what OP has written. The difference between our opinions seems to be that I haven't assumed the OP is so stupid she hasn't tried to reduce every other outgoing and that they are doing whatever they can to meet their financial obligations.

You are being too harsh in your judgement, in my opinion, that's all!

At 21, OP definitely is a landlord to her daughter. And anyone living in her and her DH's house needs to abide by their house rules. If I moved back home and wanted to live with my folks and my mom said, "You can live with us ONLY if you do 100 pushups every morning and don't ever go to the movies, but your brother doesn't have to abide by those rules" then those are her rules and rights as the owner of the house. What she stipulates, goes. I could either say, "Okay, mom, I'll do pushups and never go to the movies", or I could say, "I don't think that's fair, so I think I'll find somewhere else to live..."

If anyone has been in the situation where they have lived with their parents for free, or have felt that their parents were fair to all siblings on living costs, then it's because they were lucky enough to have parents that could do that, or because their parents were being extraordinarily nice. DD is a grownup, and now gets to live in the grownup world.

She'd have no chance finding a room with all of the extras you provide for £50

I think you're doing the right thing

I paid that amount from age 17 at my parent's, similar set up, college and part time job. I also contributed to big extras like oil, and I bought a lot of groceries because I loved food and cooking anyway. Totally reasonable imo. Gave me a good grounding in paying my way, and also an example of respect and equality in a family. My parents have always worked opposite shifts etc, and then I did too. so there would be one person at home most days. That person would have the housework done and dinner made for those who were out working that day. Be that me doing it for my parents, dad doing it for me and mum. It worked beautifully, and when I left home at 19, I was able to transition easily, avoiding the problems my peers seemed to face

If their bills arent being met then they are the ones who should be working out a way to either reduce bills or get more money.

Oh yes, I wonder why they haven't thought about trying that already?
moneysavingexpoert.com, that miracle-working money-making site.

From what I read the dh works a few hours and that's it.

Yes, and again, I'm sure he could easily just pick up more hours or another job.

And we don't know if he reduced them or had them reduced, Dixie. But I would assume that the reduction was enforced. Maybe that's another difference in the opinions...

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. She's a 21 year old adult living in a house and earning money - and being asked to contribute some of that to food and bills of the house she's living in. Perfectly reasonable imo.

On another thread op says that she charged her dd £50 a fortnight hen on JSA, so more than her brother. Fair?

I just wonder how the op and her dh will manage when the dd does leave home and the tax credits for the younger dc stop.

I do wonder why they havent thought of that already. It would be something you would mention in your OP on a thread like this surely. To show that you and your partner are doing everything you can to cover your bills.

And no, MsE is not a miracle working money making site. Why on earth would anyone expect money to just appear for them by looking at a site. Like anything else it involves actually putting in the effort to get the money.

May have been fair at the time... I don't know the details of their finances.

Maybe they are hoping/wishing/desperately clinging to the idea that DH will get more hours.

Meantime, maybe, they are just trying to cope!

It's not so much that it's wrong to pay rent and contribute to the household. It's more that the dd seems to be subsiding her family while they sit on their arses playing video games.

How come the dd can find work and a college course but no one else in the family can?

Exactly this.

Elf, you think someone who says she cannot afford any more reductions in income has not looked at ways of reducing expenditure, just because she failed to detail them in her posts? Get on with you.

As for 'effort', your comment that '10 minutes on moneysaving expert will give you a huge list of suggestions for making extra money' heavily implies that you think it's as easy as pie to find more money or reduce your outgoings.

And But i suppose taking it off your child with the threat of eviction is easier is plain fucking horrible.

I think that if a 21 year old adult makes a 'life choice' to go to college and only work part time then I don't think £50 pw is unreasonable especially given that this includes food & bills. The DD has £400 pm left over to spend as she pleases on her self.
£100 pw is probably a lot more 'pocket money' than many other adults have after essential living costs.
There become a time when you have to stop subsidising adult DC's and their lifestyles esp if money is tight,

So she's paying a third of her monthly income on rent and all bills? Well done Op, more than fair. And it sounds like she could do with understanding the value of money if she's losing £20 on a stupid bet.

And I say that as someone who learned the value of money the hard way.

Born another one who thinks your thread wasn't comparable.

I think that was how you wrote it, Elf. This is 2016, 10 minutes on moneysaving expert will give you a huge list of suggestions for making extra money according to your requirements and skills. But i suppose taking it off your child with the threat of eviction is easier. does sound a bit like a miracle that is being ignored.

But you raise a good point, and my opinion is no. I don't think it is necessary for an OP to include so much info. That sounds utterly intrusive, demanding and just plain nosy to me.

There is enough info in the OP for anyone to offer an opinion, which we all have. It's the reading between the lines and judgmental remarks that are unecessary. Especially given the Op doe NOT ask for ways to solve their financial dilemma, just if she is BU to charge her DD rent.