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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

369 replies

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:26

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet Shock that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' Hmm.
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

OP posts:
PatMullins · 02/03/2016 16:40

No...she is paying that much for half a box room whilst her brother on JSA pays much less. I'm sure that's what some posters are opposed to rather than her paying anything at all.

PatMullins · 02/03/2016 16:40

Agreed, One

diddl · 02/03/2016 16:43

Well that's it, isn't it?

He isn't costing the Op less just because he earns less, is he?

doughnutslikefannys · 02/03/2016 16:43

My mum tried to up my rent from £150 to £200 when I was 20 and earning £800pm. I figured I could pay an extra £100 a month and have a room in a flat with none of my mother's nagging. It was the best decision I ever made - I actually like my mum now that I haven't lived with her for a few years!

RudeElf · 02/03/2016 16:44

She should only be paying her costs. It isnt up to her mum to decide she will pay £50 if she chooses to spend her other money in a way her mother disapproves of but will reduce to £30 if DD 'behaves'! As long as she covers her costs and isnt costing her parents anything then she can make as many milkshake bets as she likes. Nor is it up to her mum to charge her £50 and decide save £20 of it for the DD to get an appartment, not unless her DD wants that. If the costs arent £50 her mum shouldn't charge £50. It up to the DD to decide or not decide to save £20 a week. She is 21 not 16.

grannytomine · 02/03/2016 16:46

Not much incentive to work when she sees the one on JSA only paying £20 a week, he should be handing over virtually all of his JSA, he will need bus fares to go for interviews. His money is meant to pay for somewhere to live and to eat, that's what its for. I would put them both up to £35, much fairer.

ChickyChickyParmParm · 02/03/2016 16:48

Totally fair. I was paying much more than this for rent, food etc when I was 21. It taught me how to manage money - I wouldn't be throwing £20 away on a bet, that was my food money for the week.

Think it'll teach her a valuable lesson.

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 16:50

Grin That has to be the most ridiculous statement yet, Elf.

Try renting a room in a house and telling the landlord to fuck off, you'll cover your costs, the house is his problem.

I really don't understand the issue. One household needs more money in the communal pot so all who are earning or in receipt of benefits are paying in.

Some have asked what would happen if the DD moved out... I would expect the OP to further tighten her purse strings, take more from the JSA, panic... but the current reality is that the household has another p/t working adult who can and should pay in.

And the OP is also entitled to be angry with the waste of money represented by the milkshake bet. If the household is struggling that sort of thing does look ridiculous and might have felt like a slap in the face at the time. At 21 the DD does need to grow up, student or not.

carabos · 02/03/2016 16:52

I made DS1 pay £200 per month when he moved back after uni - he had a full time professional job. He had to share with DS2 as I had turned his bedroom into an office and didn't want to change it back again. I didn't make him pay anything initially because he said it was only for 3 months, but when it became obvious that he was getting a bit too comfortable I asked him to pay. He got everything for that, all he had to find was his transport costs to work and his spends. He stayed for a year Hmm, by which time we were all fed up except him. Eventually he moved out. He was 24. Grin

RudeElf · 02/03/2016 16:54

Ourblanche covering the costs would include the fee for half of a box room. Not sure what is ridiculous about that.

RudeElf · 02/03/2016 16:56

Not that OP would make any money from half the room if her DD moved out so OP is better off with her DD living there, covering her costs and paying for half the box room.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 02/03/2016 16:57

blanch the lad on jsa isnt paying anything (maybe I've missed it) if the mother is that desperate she should take even a token amount.

I get what elf is saying - if the mother can go off taking just £30 quid of her ( good behaviour ) another £20 is unfair. She isn't a land lord she is her mother and she is effects making money on her - which actually I suspect she is doing.

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 16:58

Sorry, Elf, it didn't read like that to me, the usual 'only having the words' error Smile

And yes, OP is obviously better off with her DD there, for now!

OnlyLovers · 02/03/2016 17:00

Completely fair. You cut your cloth to suit whatever-the-phrase-is, and these are your family circumstances so that's how it is.

You could make it clear to her that she is welcome to move out. If she does even a token amount of looking around, she'll soon realise she won't find anywhere cheaper, except possibly something really grim like a shed or a cupboard masquerading as a room. And currently she has not just a shared room, but the run of the house, which in a lot of lodger situations she wouldn't get.

She can stop spending £20 on stupid bets and saving up for a rental deposit if she dislikes it that much.

I hope your DM is staying neutral and not encouraging her complaining.

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 17:01

Chocolate you missed something, he is paying £20 a week out of his JSA.

And, to be honest, the 'she is her mother not her landlord' stuff is what I find weird. If a family need more money in the family pot then that is all there is to it, that is all we know from the OP. Anything else is pure conjecture.. and your suspicion is a) groundless and b) quite nasty!

backwardpossom · 02/03/2016 17:04

I always love comments like those asking why the dh can't just pick up some more hours/why is he only working 26 hours.

Because it's that simple isn't it? Employees are falling over themselves to offer more hours to their employers... Hmm

I think £50 a week is fair. She still has £400p/m disposable income after paying it, which is more than most and more than she's likely to have for the rest of her life. If she were a student living away from home, she'd be spending far more than £50 a week on her accommodation. As for your other DC, they need to contribute too. If they can't contribute money, they can contribute housework.

RudeElf · 02/03/2016 17:04

If the family need more money in the pot surely the two people who chose to buy the house and have the 5 children should be the first ones to stump up more cash before taking if from their child who studies FT and works PT whilst they both work part-time.

bornwithaplasticspoon · 02/03/2016 17:07

Wow. When I posted that dd 19, a full time student earning a minimum of £250 pm (often a lot more) and living totally rent free, should be asked to contribute towards a family holiday I was flamed. Maybe I should have asked her for rent instead.

Students who stay home benefit from much more than just board and lodgings. They usually (in my dd's case anyway) get cooked meals, lifts, washing done, entertain friends etc. Nothing wrong at all in asking for a contribution (whether in the form of rent or towards a leisure activity such as a holiday... )

Op, the rent sounds fair, half of that at least would just be her food and bills. If she moved out she'd pay at least £100 just for a roof over her head.

Mellowautumn · 02/03/2016 17:08

The DD and the son should both pay £40 - same income for the ok much fairer distribution of actual costs and circumstances.

squoosh · 02/03/2016 17:08

I think I read your thread bornwithaplasticspoon. Weren't you flamed because you were favouring one child over the other?

backwardpossom · 02/03/2016 17:10

There's a difference between paying a contribution towards a family holiday (wasn't she being asked to babysit for a lot of the trip if I remember right?) and being asked to pay a contribution towards rent and bills, born, surely?!

TheFairyCaravan · 02/03/2016 17:13

I actually think that not working/working part time and instead relying on your DDs part time earned income while she is also studying is unreasonable.

I completely agree OneMagnum.

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 17:17

Such nice judgements being made. All sorts of better decisions can be made with hindsight, I am sure OP will pick and choose which of her DCs she would choose not to have, when she gets her time machine back from the garage!

Just as they will go out in the morning and tell an employer that they are working for them now!

Cloud cuckoo land round here today, on a few threads!

DixieNormas · 02/03/2016 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 02/03/2016 17:20

It's not so much that it's wrong to pay rent and contribute to the household. It's more that the dd seems to be subsiding her family while they sit on their arses playing video games.

How come the dd can find work and a college course but no one else in the family can?