dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

[mrsfuzzy]

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' .
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

I this situation I would half the 50 quid and charge the same for the lad on JSA

and unless op comes back to give us a very good mitigation, give her partner a massive boot up the arse

*In

The more I think about it OP, the more it seems your daughter is likely to be paying more than she costs. She shares a room you'd have to keep for her younger sibling anyway, she's not there much to be making a dent in the utilties and she'd have to be quite an eater to much through £50 a week on a food bill that presumably makes at least some economies of size. I bet she pays for her own toiletries and things too. That, combined with her being fed up and evidently a grafter makes me think she might want to try and move out once she finishes the course and finds full time work. She sounds like the sort who'd probably manage to get something pretty quickly.

What are you actually going to do if she moves out and you lose her £230 a month? The household income would have to be increased somehow. It's not very clear how many you have and who gets and pays what, but you're not going to be able to make up the shortfall from charging the DS on JSA more are you? Do you have a plan? I think at some point, someone's going to have to start working more hours.

kirinm because its my house (and its staying that way!) the only bills that have increased are council tax and food and not by a huge amount.

It reads like the dh is a carer, his wife is medically unable to work and he has a child with special needs.

She is not studying full time, after all.

According to OP, she is. She said "ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends"

No my daughter was not asked to babysit on holiday backwardpossum. That was a rather rude assumption made by another poster, amongst other very hurtful assumptions. We spend all our time together as a family on holiday. Dd (19) loves dd (9) and is great with her in general but if she formally 'babysits' she gets paid, on top of the pocket money she still receives.

Everyone kept saying ds was being favoured over ds squoosh but dd has been on more family holidays than ds. Dd was 7 and ds was 11 when we had our first holiday abroad. Ds stopped coming along at 16 (his choice) but dd continues to want to come at 19. I think it works out that ds came on holidays for 6 years and dd is at 12 years and still wanting to join us. Dd is far from hard done by.

I am so sorry to hijack your thread, op. I hope you're ok.

Why are people saying that £50 a week is a lot for a "shared room"? It isn't a "shared room", its a share in the whole house. Lodgers get a room and don't have much access to the rest of the house. This girl can presumably use the kitchen, living room, garden etc when she likes. Also, that £50 includes all bills and food! I doubt she can find cheaper.

For those questioning what the OP will do when DD moves out - firstly, I doubt DD will move out if she is moaning about paying £50 a week. She will have a look on Gumtree and will be back crying to mummy when she sees how much it costs in the real world. Also, if all the children move out, presumably the OP can get a one bedroom place which will be cheaper.

Rude elf ops DD is getting a half room and bills plus food which is cooked for her, all for £200 a month - bargin

I doubt she is getting all her meals cooked for her if she is FT student plus 14-16 hours a week working plus spending a lot of time at her granny's. I would say her bills plus food consumed at home are minimal and not a bargain at all at just over £200 (216)a month. Like i said my ex paid £200 a month for a city centre double room in shared house with access to all other rooms (aside from bedrooms), parking space, garden and garage. He and his housemates also took turns cooking evening meals for whoever was in the house on a particular evening. also had steady supply of housemates home brews at cost price

It's tricky - I paid a bit but I was in full time work before mum charged me, and it was just us two. I did have my own phone line for the Internet which I paid (dial up days), I paid my own catalogue bills etc and bought my toiletries because then I could buy what I wanted. I also sometimes bought food but not often. Mum was really generous and understanding.

Where's all this coming from about all her meals cooked for her harsh? OP never said anything about that. Didn't even say all food is included, let alone prepped. And as for moving out, we know that she a)currently has a restricted income due to studying and b)is fed up. Odds of her not wanting to look elsewhere as and when she's able to earn more seem pretty slim. I mean, she's in a box room with her little sister.

Lastly, OP hasn't said anything to suggest all the children moving out is likely to happen in the near future. Since at least one is at school, that's almost certainly not going to happen for a few years. The issue she's facing is what happens if a DD who's almost certainly bringing in more than she costs leaves before they can downsize: there seem to be at least two younger children of different sexes, meaning three bedrooms for a while. Basically, it's a potential loss of household income, one which can't be afforded.

RudeElf, if that's the case, then surely she can just move out? The OP isn't forcing her daughter to live with her! The deal is £50 a week, and DD can take it or leave it.

Sorry, the second and third points were to harsh. Meals cooked is to ivy, all food is to both.

She can. Thats her choice if she wants to move out (you know I dont actually make this stranger's decisions, right?) she can also choose to query the amount and whether it is all necessary.

Wow - I think this is really harsh. She is in full time education with a part time job. I wouldn't charge my kids until they were in work full time. Sorry but I don't understand charging a kid who is in college and has the motivation to get a part time job for living at home - especially when she shares a bedroom!

I think at 21 she should understand when you sit her down and say "we'd love to be able to charge less but we really appreciate you contributing to the household as you can see that things are tight for us at the moment." She's not a child and is quite selfish if she can't empathise with this approach.

If she really can't see this then I think you need the tough approach of "if you think it is too much then move out"

I also think you should take a token amount from the JSA to make things fair.

I think it sounds a lot for a share of a boxroom, I pay £80 a week for a bedsit room with kitchenette and ensuite bathroom when I'm working away, all bills included.

Yes but if she was at uni she'd get her own room and space. She wouldn't have to share with a younger sibling or moderate her behaviour to suit their ears (partying etc). I really do think 50 quid a week for someone who's working part time is wrong, she's effectively getting punished for working. If she's working full time then fair enough, but she's not. Not having a go OP but maybe you and dh should look at upping your hours. After all, if you rely on her rent money when she's barely there from the sound of it, what will you do when she moves out, because she can't sub you forever. I say she's hardly there because what with college, grannys, work and presumably friends, I can't imagine she's at home much so using the utilities a lot.

Does she not get a maintenence grant op?

Btw rents in my area, for a room in a shared house, are 80pw, that's a double room, all bills included, and the majority of people who live outside of their home, alone (as in no partners) do work full time.

Working those hours on a weekend as well as college and the work she'll need to be doing (does she have any time where she's not doing work from college or in her part time job-I don't suspect much) where is she doing her college work-in her bedroom undisturbed by her sister who isn't paying a penny, or does the sister have equal rights to the room? I'd say it would be better for her not to be charged, perhaps because she could drop her hours a bit and have some down time then. I didn't pay a penny at college-I worked similar hours to your daughter but two nights a week and one weekend day, so I had down time. And my own bedroom to study in uninterruped. I'm currently living back with parents as an adult because of a shock job ending-I claimed JSA whilst jobhunting and paid £20 a week to them, the rest paid my car insurance, petrol (£15 a month) mobile phone (£10 a month on giffgaff-gives me unlimited texts, 600 minutes and unlimited internet meaning I can answer emails at all times, ring back employers at all times etc) the spare money goes into my moving out fund, as well as paying for essentials-shampoo, tampons etc.

Oh and I started a job on Monday-full time, minimum wage, no sick pay, minimum holiday etc etc. Will sit in it until I can get a decent one. In my last job (33k P/A) I saved enough for a mortgage deposit. As soon as I get a job now that pays enough to afford to pay all my bills and a mortgage I'll move out.

Might not be a good idea to be giving any moving out ultimatums grapejuice, since from what OP says they couldn't afford DD to go.

Plasticspoon she'd have access to some student finance if she was at uni, assuming they're British etc. Maybe not a grant but a loan. OP says college though, so it might be FE. I don't think student finance is available then.