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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this woman rude?

108 replies

BathshebaDarkstone · 01/03/2016 09:49

In the school playground this morning, DS brought some toys with him to play with before school, the usual group of boys came to play. One mother told me I shouldn't let him share with other DC, and told her DS to put a toy down. I told him it was OK, he could play with it. Later, my DS ran off to do something else, leaving the other boys to play with his toys. The same woman said "He's gone, put the toys in the bag" to me. I replied "No, his friends are playing with them." I really wanted to say "ODFOD" but I realise that this isn't appropriate in a school playground. So my question's in the title.

OP posts:

angielou123 · 01/03/2016 11:32

MattDillionsPants - Of course you are right, but its very hard to reason with a 2 yr old. A situation like this hadn't arisen before and he'd always been taught to share.

velourvoyageur · 01/03/2016 11:38

I would probably smile in a friendly way and say 'there are nicer ways of asking you know' before addressing her point.
Always rude to be missing basic manners.

Yokohamajojo · 01/03/2016 11:40

I can see both your points, but this would cause problems with my DS2 who would not want to stop playing with the toys when the bell rang. Luckily no one in our school bring in toys to play with before

RitaVinTease · 01/03/2016 11:41

I would find her controlling. Especially when she tried to stop her child joining in.

Pteranodon · 01/03/2016 11:45

Posters saying the op ought to upset her child by forcing him to leave his toys at home so that other parents don't need to upset their children by arbitrarily refusing to allow their kids to bring toys aren't making sense to me. Sure, it's simpler if toys stay home, but life's simpler without children - not necessarily better though. And op's child sounds like he has a good time doing this and other kids do too, and it isn't causing any problems - so why take that away?

WonderingAspie · 01/03/2016 11:47

She was rude, not for her to demand you put the toys away at all. However I think it's ridiculous that you allow him to take toys for about a 10 minute play in the playground before school. I agree pick you battles but this seems like pandering. DD has asked if she can take a toy before and intake it home and I said no, it isn't needed and I'm not starting something that will be a difficult habit to break without major tantrums.

angielou123 you were rude. Sharing doesn't mean any child gets to play with whatever they want. I think parents do this too much under the guise of 'sharing'. It wasn't your child's scooter or his friends therefore he had no business being on it. You tell them, "no, that's not yours" and they learn. I would be mortified if my child went and started playing with a random childs things and I wouldn't be happy if a random child did it to my child's things either. No adult would put their tablet down on a table and allow a random adult to come and pick it up and use it as it wasn't being used and think that that was just ok because they weren't going to be long!

Pteranodon · 01/03/2016 11:49

Pandering = being nice to your kid?

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 01/03/2016 11:50

She either isn't comfortable with the type of toy and doesn't want her DS getting used to them and asking for them (maybe the Transformer thing? Some people are really funny about toys like that) or she is paranoid about germs and cross infection.

Either way she sounds like an uptight control freak.

Thetruthfairy · 01/03/2016 11:53

Bringing toys into school, even if it is only before school is a waste of time and causes problems. I think the mum was rude but i agree with her, sorry op.

eyeslikebutterflies · 01/03/2016 11:54

For all those saying it's weird to take toys to school....er, no it's not! My DD still does (she's in reception) and my DS did until year 1, I think. It's about picking your battles, as OP says, and it's also about giving children some control: they choose what toys to take, knowing they have to hand them over before they start class. If it helps them have a happier and more secure start to their day then what's the problem?

So many people seem to forget just how little our kids are when they start school. They're still babies. It's a big deal for them, and if taking toys in helps them make the transition from home to school - why do so many posters here think it's "weird"?

OP, you are right, that woman was being very strange.

Hygge · 01/03/2016 11:54

I don't know if she was rude, but it sounds a bit odd that she was so stressed about toys that don't belong to her child.

Perhaps she's worried her child will break one or lose it, and you will ask her to replace it? Or that he will want her to buy him the same toy and she can't afford it? Or her child won't part with it when it's time to go inside?

Every so often someone will bring toys to DS's school. DS's two friends sometimes bring in superhero action figures, every now and again another boy likes to come wearing a mask. I've walked home carrying a lightsaber on more than one occasion. I see one mum walking home with an armful of stuffed toys every day. There was a craze for dinosaurs not so long ago, where half the parents from DS's class were carrying the cast of Jurassic World back and forth for drop off and pick up.

They still run and play, just with a small plastic velociraptor held out in front of them.

It's dropped off a bit now the school has put up new climbing equipment right outside the door though.

eyeslikebutterflies · 01/03/2016 11:57

PS. Taking in toys has never caused us any problems (2 kids, four school years and counting), no tantrums, no lateness or wasting of time, nothing. Agree with Pteranodon that it's not pandering. It's about being nice. I tend to treat my kids as, you know, actual human beings rather than naughty little beasts who need to be taught a lesson.

DSClarke · 01/03/2016 12:00

Perhaps she can't afford as many toys as you. Perhaps she has a massive battle with her DS. Frankly I think it's odd to bring toys in. Get him running around playing with the other kids.

Only1scoop · 01/03/2016 12:06

I'm lost with the 'little more suck' thing.

Is it one of the toys in the bag he sucks?

caitlinohara · 01/03/2016 12:09

Yes she sounds a bit ott but i don't think it's a good idea to take lots of toys in either. She might have been worried about them being broken, lost, argued over, whatever. It's not really any of her business though so YANBU to find her rude.

pinkcan · 01/03/2016 12:13

Both you and this other lady are being UR.

It's odd to take toys to school. It's also odd to demand that someone else packs their toys away.

PerspicaciaTick · 01/03/2016 12:14

Maybe time to think about streamlining the cues your DS uses before he goes into school?

By Y6 he may well be walking to school himself.

So between then and now you need to move towards the "hug, goodbye and have a good day" cue. Then he'll drop the hug too :( unless you nab one while he's still in the house :)

Pteranodon · 01/03/2016 12:17

Children will drop the habit as they grow, I don't think parents need to push it. My eldest used to take toys/random objects everywhere and my youngest still does. Eldest just grew out of it, no input from me.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 01/03/2016 12:20

I don't think she was rude. Perhaps she was concerned a toy would get broken and her DC would get blamed. She might have had a bad experience with DCs being a bit rough with toys and so when your DS ran off, she thought the other children might not play nicely with them.

she may also be used to a school where toys aren't allowed in the playground and so was trying to pre-empt your DS getting into trouble

PerettiChelsea · 01/03/2016 12:23

I think it's really odd to bring toys in to play before school. Why are you doing this it's very strange. I've never seen it & to be honest when the bell goes i wouldn't want to be chasing my kids to give toys back to you, I just want them to line up & go. It's odd. Stop doing it you're pissing off the other parents.

NightWanderer · 01/03/2016 12:25

It would be a huge no-no at my childrens school to take toys into the playground.

SummerHouse · 01/03/2016 12:27

The woman was rude. Different parents have different rules. I would find the toy thing indulgent but I would never comment on it. I realise I have done just that but MN is an alternative reality. May I take the opportunity to also say that dummies at 4 are unnecessary. Yes pick your battles but that it a battle you have once be it age 1, 2 or 7...

SummerHouse · 01/03/2016 12:30

Not suggesting your child has a dummy op. I just realised that might be what comes across when I was just going off thread for a moment.

angielou123 · 01/03/2016 12:31

Well, that told me!! And no, it would not bother me if another small child wanted a quick go, but she didnt have to scowl at my son like he'd tried to play with her handbag, he's a child for goodness sake. I'm just a bit more chilled out, maybe she was having a bad day. Doesn't cost nothing to be friendly.

gandalf456 · 01/03/2016 12:33

A lot of over thinking going on . If you want to let your son bring in his toys, that's your business. If other people have a problem with it then that is their business. This woman has no place to decide what you do or don't do with your son's toys. If it's a headache for her, it is a headache for her. It's part and parcel of being a parent. Negotiating around other people's rules in a room for the completely different people. She really needs to think of another strategy other than scolding you, if that is the case because you have done nothing wrong. This is what I hate about being a parent : being made to feel like you're upsetting someone for just doing something different. Not something wrong, something different

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