To find this woman rude?

[BathshebaDarkstone]

In the school playground this morning, DS brought some toys with him to play with before school, the usual group of boys came to play. One mother told me I shouldn't let him share with other DC, and told her DS to put a toy down. I told him it was OK, he could play with it. Later, my DS ran off to do something else, leaving the other boys to play with his toys. The same woman said "He's gone, put the toys in the bag" to me. I replied "No, his friends are playing with them." I really wanted to say "ODFOD" but I realise that this isn't appropriate in a school playground. So my question's in the title.

Matt Turtles, cars etc. Today it was 2 Turtles, a dustcart, 2 cars that turn into dinosaurs and a Transformer.

angielou123 I would not have allowed my child to get on someone else's scooter or take their toys without permission, So yes I think you are being selfish towards your ds to let him think that behaviour was acceptable.

Op, What kind of toys are you taking into the playground? I have 4 dc ranging from 8 to 19 and I have never witnessed a bag of toys being brought into the school yard in all of my years of attending school with my dc.

My DS takes things in to show his friends before school in the playground. I take them home with me after and they are usually just crap from Kinder Eggs etc. I don't know if I would take a full bag of toys though.

Maybe she thought you were the Pied Piper of Hamlin?

Perspicacia yes, of course, but why should he? Leaving toys at home isn't compulsory, like getting dressed or brushing his teeth. Pick your battles.

She was rude, but you undermined her when you told her son that he could play with the toys after she had told him not to. In situations like that, I always do the frantic mouthing at the mother to convey that I'm happy for their child to play if they want to and let them make the call.
She may know that he is likely to kick off on being told to give the toys back, or perhaps he was being a pain on the way in/needed to have a bit of a run before school/had been told to stand with her or similar and she was frustrated that you were apparently 'allowing' him to do something that she had asked him not to.

I would find it added unnecessary stress to the beginning of the school day if I had to:

1. Establish if it was ok for my son to play with someone elses toys
2. made sure he looked after someone else's things
3. convinced him to give them up when it was time to go in to school
4. argued about why he wasn't allowed to bring his own toys to school (see points 1, 2 and 3)

And I would be peeved if other kids got on my son's scooter or bike, without asking first. I make him ask and he expects other kids to ask, as part of teaching him about respecting other people's property, so a parent just letting their kids have free reign would be irritating. You don't see adults just borrowing other people's cars or mobile phones without asking except probably on weird mumsnet threads

Maybe the other parents have had battles to prevent their children taking toys to school (our school bans home toys from the playground - too many upsets over lost and broken toys) and feel undermined?

Well she was weird to tell you to put them back in the bag, but you are strange for taking part in this odd routine. The fact you stay in the playground, as well as the toys. In our school you drop off after 8.50 and there are assistants manning the gates. Parents don't go and stand in the playground.

Children need a bit of independence and they need to learn to amuse themselves without toys.

I know he doesn't take them into class, but it really will set up a huge problem for all the others who either nick one, smuggle one, break one, bring in their own to show him or defy their parents because your son is allowed to bring a whole heap of toys in every morning. My own DS likes to show off toys to his friends - it causes no end of nightmares when I have to negotiate with him every single day about it and leads to tears for no reason whatsoever. usually along the lines of 'but X brought one in so I am' 'just let me show him' etc. It's so unnecessary. If she has a firm line, it's more about her own DC than yours. You should respect her rules for her DC instead of undermining them because you do not know the history or the dramas it could lead to. She may have been rude though, but I'd find it very annoying to have to manage my child helicopter-style with someone else's stuff every day - aren't mornings bad enough as it is?
If you're peeved OP, think of yourself as 'lucky' that your DC is compliant when you ask for them back, and don't go against someone else's parenting so overtly

It's quite common for kids to bring toys here, my youngest takes his trains although doesn't share (he's only 3) and once a week at my son's school they have a toy day where you can take toys into the classroom, we just stick a sticky label on them.

There's no supervision before 8.50. I've occasionally watched DD's friends so that their parents could leave early.

Downstairs I don't hand out toys, he takes them to school himself.

Leave your toys at home. They aren't needed. Children are able to run, play and interact without the need for a bag of toys for the ten minutes before the bell rings.

almond I don't ask for them back, he puts them in the bag. It's one of his cues for going into class, like "little more suck".

Can't you just time your arrival for ten to 9,then just drop and run?!

Midnite I pick my battles. He has to get dressed, brush his teeth, but he doesn't have to leave his toys at home.

I have to leave the thread now, back later.

How old is your ds op, I'm just wondering when you will knock the 'little more suck' on the head as it won't be long before other dc start to notice.

She wasn't rude,but you were rude to tell her child it's ok to play after she had told him not to and was clearly quite serious about that.

Oh,and if your son is 'having a little suck' of toys, I wouldn't want my son to be sharing it either

Midnite I pick my battles. He has to get dressed, brush his teeth, but he doesn't have to leave his toys at home.

Your battles are becoming other parent's battles. Your child brings a bag of toys and their child wants to play with them. Your child runs off to do other things and then leaves the other parents dealing with your child's items and whether or not they can play with them. You may think yourself magnanimous by allowing others to play with the toys, but I expect you would be very upset if one was lost or broken.

I understand, my own DS is challenging and wants to take his things to daycare, but we take them in the car, say bye-bye to them and put them in his car-seat for the day so they are waiting when he gets back in. But I've already fought the battle of not taking them in to daycare with him as not only is it too easy for special toys to be lost, but also it is distracting to others.

3. convinced him to give them up when it was time to go in to school
4. argued about why he wasn't allowed to bring his own toys to school (see points 1, 2 and 3)

^^ This. Possibly she was a little abrupt but you are seriously overthinking it.

Of course you are right, but its incredibly hard to reason with a 2 year old. A situation like that hadn't arisen before, and he'd always been taught to share.

Tbh OP is weird for taking the toys in the first place and the woman was weird for telling OP to put them away.