Was I unreasonable to buy my friend something she didn't ask for

[LifeofI]

I went on holiday for a week and my friend was looking after my cat.
Before i left i said i will give her petrol money (she lives about 10mins drive) but she refused and asked if i can buy her some tobacco in the duty free.
When i came back i passed by spain and the tobacco she wanted was 55 euros as they only had the big boxes.
So instead i brought her a MAC mascara.

When i gave it to her today she said to me she didnt ask for this and wanted tobacco.
I could tell she was disappointed and i felt bad.

was i wrong to do this?
should i buy her a pack of tobacco from here?

[kvilebu]

Good grief! 55 Euros is cheap for looking after a cat for a week.
Way way cheaper than "prison" and much nicer for the cat to be able to stay at home even though some cat "prisons" are like luxury hotels these days.

I think you should have either bought the tobacco or given her money instead (even though she said she didn't want the petrol money) with a nice card thanking her.
It is a massive responsibility and takes a lot of time to look after a cat for a week.

However, I also think maybe she could have hidden her "disappointment" better and maybe not said "I didn't ask for this" as that was a little bit rude.

Get her some tobacco and then move on. And hope that she agrees to look after your cat again the next time. Good, reliable catsitters are hard to find!

[DreamCloud99]

Am I missing something here ?

What happened to doing friends favours ? Without expecting things in return ?

Op , you offered her petrol money and she declined it . That was her choice .

To ask you to get her some tobacco instead comes across to me as sucking the gift out of the favour !

Having said that, I would have gotten her what she asked for - but not paid 55 euros . I would have gone to a supermarket and bought some cheaper tobacco for her .

I don't get all this "well she saved you hundreds in cattery fees ...." Isn't that what friends do without expecting some gain in return ?

[Figgygal]

I think turning your nose up at any gift and saying you wanted something else is a bit off actually so she was quite rude.

[JuxtapositionRecords]

Yes of course dreamcloud but I think the point is the Op felt the baccy was too expensive however cattery or similar would have been a lot more so not really a valid argument IMO

[limitedperiodonly]

I think turning your nose up at any gift and saying you wanted something else is a bit off actually so she was quite rude.

Do you?

Someone used to send my mum a lavish bouquet every birthday. This entailed no more difficulty for the sender than phoning Interflora and giving their credit card number.

My mum often missed birthday treats or just visits to the shops for essential supplies because she was too polite to let this largesse wither on the doorstep.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Dream, the OP said herself that the friend said rather than petrol money, she asked for tobacco instead of this money - perfectly reasonable request, IMO!

[limitedperiodonly]

I would have gotten her what she asked for - but not paid 55 euros . I would have gone to a supermarket and bought some cheaper tobacco for her

I'm not a smoker but I've heard rumours that tobacco is not cheap in Britain. Unless you buy someone a packet of 10. I wouldn't think that was a good expression of gratititud-e for someone taking care of my beloved, but quite annoying, cat for a week.

[NameChange30]

All these PPs saying they would never "expect" a gift and accusing the friend of being entitled... No, she didn't expect a gift until the OP offered her one and asked what she wanted.

Imagine if your partner asked what you wanted for your birthday, agreed to get what you asked for, and then gave you something completely different. You'd be disappointed wouldn't you? That doesn't make you ungrateful. It's totally normal to look forward to getting something you've been promised.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

^^ This, with bells on!!

[thecatfromjapan]

You offered her something and then couldn't be bothered. She offered you something and followed through.

Unequal friendship there. You're the flakey mate in this scenario.

[limitedperiodonly]

I would have gone to a supermarket and bought some cheaper tobacco for her

In Spain I've never seen tobacco in supermarkets or newsagents like you do in Britain.

You go to dedicated tobacconists and the choice is usually wider and cheaper than at duty free, so that's why I buy there for all my smoking friends whether they do me favours or are going to reimburse me for their cheap fags.

It has to be for personal consumption which could present a bit of a problem at Customs with all the different brands we're asked for. I carry the girly ones - including Marlboro Lights for DH's male friend - and DH carries my female friend's Drum rolling tobacco.

Our smuggling enterprise has never been rumbled.

[officebairn]

Nothing of value to add but i've thoroughly enjoyed RTFT

[seaweed123]

Am I shocked at what some people are paying for cat sitters! Mine is £5 per day, and she puts my bin out, moves my mail away from the door, etc. I think she is increasing her prices to £6 soon. Certainly won't begrudge it.

[BarbaraofSeville]

My cat sitter is £8 for 1 visit a day or £12 for 2. Works out slightly cheaper than the cattery if you have more than 1 cat and nicer for the cat if they prefer to stay at home. But some catteries do look very nice and suit some cats better.

[SweetieDrops]

This thread is funny. at cat prison and tobacco kills.

[SweetieDrops]

(Not the fact that tobacco kills BTW, the fact that someone stated this as if it's brand new information)

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Wow I didn't know people worked as cat sitters. What a great idea to earn some fairly easy money.