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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I unreasonable to buy my friend something she didn't ask for

142 replies

LifeofI · 29/02/2016 20:10

I went on holiday for a week and my friend was looking after my cat.
Before i left i said i will give her petrol money (she lives about 10mins drive) but she refused and asked if i can buy her some tobacco in the duty free.
When i came back i passed by spain and the tobacco she wanted was 55 euros as they only had the big boxes.
So instead i brought her a MAC mascara.

When i gave it to her today she said to me she didnt ask for this and wanted tobacco.
I could tell she was disappointed and i felt bad.

was i wrong to do this?
should i buy her a pack of tobacco from here?

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 01/03/2016 07:56

YANBU to think a Mac mascara is a good present for someone who wears make up, who has done you a favour while you were away, when you already offered her cash and she was casual about the tobacco. I would offer her the money again and maybe a thank you card.
YABU to call a cattery a prison.

GinIsIn · 01/03/2016 07:57

Does anyone else REALLY need to know what crime the cat has committed that the OP thinks it might merit prison?! Shock

Sorry OP, but let's break this down in terms you might find more reasonable. You do a favour for your friend. In exchange, you ask her to please buy your cat Princess Fluffykins some cat food. The cat food you asked for was too expensive so instead she brings you a deck of playing cards and some Christmas tree airfresheners. Is she BU?

Letseatgrandma · 01/03/2016 08:09

I'd be pissed off if you bought me MAC makeup as they test on animals!

Katenka · 01/03/2016 08:13

She wanted tobacco and you got her mascara?

How odd.

I did laugh at cat prison though, so funny.

RosyCat · 01/03/2016 08:14

I think the thing was that as she was doing something that would be a sensible way of reducing your costs/trouble for you (looking after you cat), you should have done something that was sensible way of reducing her costs/trouble for her (getting her the much cheaper tobacco).

Grapejuicerocks · 01/03/2016 08:29

My friends and I would never expect payment for doing each other favours. We are friends... We might buy token thank you presents but they wouldn't be to that value.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/03/2016 08:59

I jokingly call catteries kitty prison but don't use them because 2 of the cats are semi or almost totally outside cats by their choice and the chance of them all being present on the day of incarceration is close to zero, especially as cats are psychic and know when to do a disappearing act.

Also one can't use a cattery because he hasn't had any injections, due to his aforementioned psychic ability to avoid the vets.

Hairyfairy01 · 01/03/2016 08:59

Your friend was obviously looking forward to her tobacco, I don't blame her for being disappointed. She may well have turned down your offer of petrol money and chosen tobacco instead as she knew 'petrol money' wouldn't cover her costs in terms of time in getting to yours, having to deal with cat poo, having the responsibility of looking after your house etc. Not to worry, I doubt she'll be willing to help you out again.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/03/2016 09:03

Sorry posted too soon. Forgot to say that I use a professional cat feeder because there is always the chance that the cat might need the vet etc which is a lot of responsibility and hassle to leave to a friend.

the OP was unreasonable and £40 of tobacco isn't an overly generous compensation for the effort of feeding the cat for a week. It's about right IMHO.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 01/03/2016 09:27

OP yabu and yabvvvu for having a tantrum cause you don't like being told yabu

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 01/03/2016 09:36

Yes, you are tight! £25 for petrol was a joke on the first place? considering she's had to go out of her way to help you, and saved you over £100 in fees. Would it really have killed you to buy her the tobacco to say thanks?!

You've probably lost your cat sitter now, so you'd better budget cattery fees into your next week away!

Branleuse · 01/03/2016 09:36

Mac makeup is shit except for their lipstick

senua · 01/03/2016 09:38

I haven't rtft but am amazed at how many people are saying "you should have bought the tobacco". You do all know that tobacco kills, don't you?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 01/03/2016 09:38

Christ, missed the OPs update, amazing! 😂😂😂

EPIC flounce, OP, bravo! 👏

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/03/2016 10:00

"Prison" 😂😂😂

To be honest op (as I am sure you're still reading),I'm really rather glad I don't socialise with any people like you because you sound quite dreadful.

Only1scoop · 01/03/2016 10:02

HopeGrin

Well 'prison' would cost far more than the bloody 'Mac' mascara anyway.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/03/2016 10:03

I wouldn't have wanted or expect payment grape

I quite like looking after cats. I think the point is that she pushed her to take something, a suggestion was made and she didn't do what she said she was going to do.

now I wouldn't have wanted my friend to spend that much.

so

either- just turn up and apologies that they didn't have one/right size. all good

call and explain of possible cos actually I'd have said I'd pay towards it.

or just pick up a couple of packets from the corner shop on the way home.

nit don't waste 19 pound on a mascara as a consolation prize.

it's annoying when ya can't get what you want but it's life sometimes. no big deal.

but like tesco, unrelated useless substitutions are just annoying.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/03/2016 10:05

senua that's completely irrelevant.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/03/2016 10:09

Maybe the OP should have been more honest with her friend..
"Look, I spunked all my money on cocktails and souvenirs and only remembered you and my cat when I walked past duty free at the airport, so I picked up the first thing I could find. Please forgive me?" Grin

BlimeyCrikey · 01/03/2016 10:12

I have looked after a friends cats for her, kittens, lots of work.

I'd have been happy with a stick of rock! It's not normal to expect something in return surely?

It is a odd substitution though!

RhiWrites · 01/03/2016 10:32

Oh I think this belongs here. It's the kitty convict project. Most relevant for the US but here you go.

www.explodingkittens.com/kittyconvict

Was I unreasonable to buy my friend something she didn't ask for
WeveGotAHomelessLove · 01/03/2016 10:38

You do not get to tell me what to do with my cat and i would never put her in prison just because i want to go away

WTAF where do these people come from Grin

Mommasoph30 · 01/03/2016 10:59

MAC is tested on Animal though, Maybe not in the UK but it is when products are imported to china, so you still buying into that brand that TESTS on animals.

I think if she wanted baccy you should have got her some as its much cheaper than in the UK, take it you don' t smoke? , but at the same time I would have been grateful for some mascara, ( if it was something I needed) I think you just need to buy her some baccy and have a cuppa tea and clear the air will all be sorted. Clearly a lack of communication.

I wouldn't put my cat through the stress of a cattery that just my personal preference but there is really some lovely ones out there. So maybe educate yourself a bit.

silvermantela · 01/03/2016 11:08

YABU! it's my pet hate when people buy me something different to what I've asked for, and I don't consider myself grabby - I'd much rather have nothing than something I don't want, because at least then it's not a waste and I don't have to pretend to be grateful for it!

In your case - you should have a) just bought the tobacco she actually wanted, seeing as £40ish is far less than you'd had to pay for a cattery (or "prison" Confused), or b) if you really couldn't afford it at least given her the choice of whether she wanted the £20 you spent on mascara, in cash, or if she would prefer her to take her for a meal here, or whatever.

You weren't necessarily being rude, or tight, because she didn't expect you to get her anything. But buying makeup is firstly odd because it's quite a personal thing to pick for someone else, and secondly is just random as a substitute for tobacco!

trufflesnout · 01/03/2016 11:15

and MAC do not test on animals which is why i use it.

MAC are famous for testing on animals! They are owned by Estee Lauder who do not give a shit about animal welfare. Feel free to look it up yourself.