Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to buy my friend something she didn't ask for

142 replies

LifeofI · 29/02/2016 20:10

I went on holiday for a week and my friend was looking after my cat.
Before i left i said i will give her petrol money (she lives about 10mins drive) but she refused and asked if i can buy her some tobacco in the duty free.
When i came back i passed by spain and the tobacco she wanted was 55 euros as they only had the big boxes.
So instead i brought her a MAC mascara.

When i gave it to her today she said to me she didnt ask for this and wanted tobacco.
I could tell she was disappointed and i felt bad.

was i wrong to do this?
should i buy her a pack of tobacco from here?

OP posts:
PerceptionIsReality · 29/02/2016 20:39

Wow - I think you've had a bit of a tough time on here.

Much depends on what was agreed at the time you came to the arrangement to look after your cat. Round here catteries cost around £10 per night so £70 for a week although this includes food whereas I expect you have provided the food here. In that context if a friend offered to look after my cat for me I would probably not be expecting to pay out more than half of the same price as a cattery in tobacco! If you offered petrol then I think it is clear you were expecting to pay - what approximately £20? In which case asking for tobacco at double this is a bit off and if she thought petrol was insufficient payment she should have been clear about this. I'd rather pay a cattery £70 to have 24/7 care of my cats than a mate £40 to pop in for 10 mins a day.

To put this in context I would happily look after a cat for a friend for a week and would not expect anything like £40 in return - more like a favour for a favour or perhaps a decent-ish bottle of wine as a "thank you" not full financial compensation.

icelollycraving · 29/02/2016 20:40

How rare that everyone is in agreement. I've paid £10-15 per day for a cat lady to visit once a day during holidays.
A Mac mascara is an odd choice unless she's a make up junkie. I am but if I was expecting gin (don't smoke) I'd be a bit wtf at a mascara.
Get her a pack of it in the supermarket & don't be tight.

origamiwarrior · 29/02/2016 20:42

I don't smoke but I can totally see that if she was anticipating to get a big box of tobacco off you (given you'd agreed to it) she would be very disappointed not to get it - she now has to go out and buy some (more expensive) tobacco to see her through the few weeks that she thought was covered. Very disappointing!

caroldecker · 29/02/2016 20:45

Also tobacco is about half the UK price in Spain, so at a cost of £40, you would have given her a present worth £80.

fastdaytears · 29/02/2016 20:45

I love mascara but I like to choose my own and if I'd specifically asked for something then I'd be a bit Confused about the whole mascara thing. Mac is fine but nothing to get massively excited about.

I pay a fortune to have my cat sorted when I'm away, and I do pet sit for friends but I find it a bit of a pita.

Branleuse · 29/02/2016 20:45

YABVU, she specifically asked you for something in lieu of payment that would have saved her a fortune. Why the fuck would she want a mascara instead. If youd got her a different cheaper brand of tobacco at least she would have still had stuff to smoke

CrazyOldBagLady · 29/02/2016 20:50

The deal was that she makes sure your cat is fed, and she gets tobacco. She kept her end of the bargain and you did not. I think you should pop out and get her some from the shop, otherwise YABU. I would have love to have seen the bewildered look on her face when you produced the mascara!

Ameliablue · 29/02/2016 20:52

Does she wear much make up and likely to appreciate an expensive one? Personally I don't wear it often and wouldn't spend more than £5 on one so if someone had given me mascara when I was expecting tobacco, I'd be miffed.

VioletVaccine · 29/02/2016 20:55

When you said you'd get her 'some tobacco' how much were you intending to spend if £40 was too much to spare?Hmm

If I looked after someones pet for a week-free of charge- and they said they'd bring me back some tobacco instead, I'd presume they meant a pack of 5- or if cigarettes, a carton of 100 200 really Grin

Did you actually want her to cat sit for one pouch of duty free baccy, about £7 OP? Shock

Vintage45 · 29/02/2016 20:56

YABU, she asked for something and got a mascara Grin

SavoyCabbage · 29/02/2016 21:00

Yabu. You broke the agreement you made with her. She thought she was going to be saving some money from not buying tobacco but she's ended up with a mascara.

shockthemonkey · 29/02/2016 21:00

Someone doing this for me would have saved me 175 euros (boarding fees for dogs/cats).

I would have got whatever she asked for had I previously agreed to do so.

Although the best arrangement by far is a token thank-you gift plus reciprocation (cat-sitting, dog-walking, curtain-twitching, plant-watering) when she goes away.

Original poster
LifeofI · 29/02/2016 21:01

should i buy her some from the shop?

OP posts:
BigQueenBee · 29/02/2016 21:01

I never offer help in the hope of a gift. None of my mates do.
If I need a cat sitter, greenhouse waterer ,I usually repay their kindness by doing something in return; like dog sitting or whatever.
My friends are pretty much of the same mind; don't put a monetary value on it.

pictish · 29/02/2016 21:02

Yabu.

NameChange30 · 29/02/2016 21:03

Yes I think you should buy her some from the shop, with an apology and an explanation that you didn't realise it would cost €55 at the duty free. Hopefully that will repair things.

Flisspaps · 29/02/2016 21:03

Yes, buy some from the shop. It's still cheaper than the cattery.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 29/02/2016 21:03

You should buy her the amount she was expecting from duty free, which will cost you a lot more for a regular shop now!

Original poster
LifeofI · 29/02/2016 21:04

perception i was going to give her £25 for petrol.
The MAC mascara cost £19 and she does wear make up.
I will just buy her a pack at the shop.

OP posts:
infife · 29/02/2016 21:05

Yeah, just get her some from a shop.

Look, while you've been unreasonable, you've not been a bitch. You've bought her something you honestly thought she might like, and accidentally lost track of what she's saved you. You were in holiday mode, it's cool.

Just don't delay supplying the fags and a big apology - sooner you both laugh it off, the better. :)

Oooblimey · 29/02/2016 21:06

For the sake of making sure the friendship doesn't become awks, I'd get her a pack from the shop and take it to her, say "I got you this as it's easier to smoke than Mascara!" Or something to lighten the conversation, have a glass of vino and move on! Don't need to spend 40 quid, get one pack as it's the jesture that is required. In future put cat in cattery!!

thebiscuitindustry · 29/02/2016 21:06

I agree with BigQueenBee that these things are often balanced out by a reciprocal favour, not something with a monetary value.

If you suggest a particular gift to someone, it doesn't mean they're obliged to buy it for you.

So YANBU.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/02/2016 21:07

neither do I big

I do things to help out.

but the obvious tbing to do would have just been to call and explain that it was a bit expensive and ask what she wanted to do. I'd have gone halves or something.

but wasting 19 on a mascara she didn't even want seems a waste.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive · 29/02/2016 21:07

Plus maybe some flowers to say sorry/ thank you. Smile

DownstairsMixUp · 29/02/2016 21:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.