To accuse nanny of being a thief?

[inanannypickle]

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

[CrushedNinjas]

Assuming CCTV shows her taking the money out of the ATM's, I'm just wondering if the nanny could reasonably argue that the money was for expenses related to childcare?
Especially as you gave her your PIN number.
Buying food, treats, entry to activities, paying for travel/petrol etc. or do you give her specific monies for this?

Obviously, this doesn't account for the earlier two thefts, but you don't have any proof (such as CCTV) that she took the money previously.

[29PaddingtonSt]

I'm shocked that anyone would disclose their PIN. It's breaking the terms and conditions of having a credit/debit card to disclose your PIN to anyone else. I would never dream of giving it to DH let alone a nanny!

[KitKat1985]

Okay, will the nanny be there when the police come around to take a statement? Is there some way you can get her to go out for the evening. I wouldn't do anything in terms of dismissing her until the police have checked it out. It is, for example, not outside the realms of possibility that you have made withdrawals on that account and forgotten about them, or that someone else did. If the police confirm that she did indeed make the unauthorised transactions though then you should have grounds for immediate dismissal under gross misconduct. It is awkward with her living with you though as obviously you will want her to leave asap if she is guilty.

[Twitterqueen]

Abed
How was your comment sarcastic Twitter? You have previos for making goady and uninformed posts.

What, like this one? Calm down dear, there's a love.

[Mumofsophie]

A sit down with the nanny and the cleaner when it was noticed that money had been stolen doesn't sound at all nightmarish.

Sitting the two staff down together and saying basically that they knew one of them was a thief so would the guilty one please confess would not be considered good practice in most places of employment. Each member of staff should have been interviewed separately in my opinion...

And I also stand by my view that you shouldn't dismiss a member of staff without going through a proper procedure as it may lay you open to expensive claims of unfair dismissal further down the line. Though I do take the point that as she has been employed for less than two years, the rules may be more relaxed. (Note to self: must check this out at some point!). I also seem to remember that there may be slightly different rules re live-in staff. But the fact remains, you need to do your homework before you dismiss her.

[squoosh]

I would never dream of giving it to DH let alone a nanny!

Really?

[squoosh]

I mean I wouldn't give my PIN to a staff member (if I had staff!) but to my DH? Of course I would.

[Ebb]

In my experience ( 20+ years ) it's quite common to be given the pin number for a debit/credit card when you're nannying. If you don't trust your nanny with your money, surely you shouldn't trust her with your children?

Yanbu to ring the police. She must be pretty stupid to steal from you and your friend though especially after you'd spoken to her and the cleaner. Very odd behaviour. That said, my old nanny family caught their nanny stealing from them including the children's money boxes. They didn't want a scene though so just dismissed her. She's out there working for someone who will have no idea she's a thief as they didn't report her so her DBS will be clear and the nanny won't have used them for a reference.

[WitchWay]

I wonder if the nanny will twig when the police call round?

[Jux]

Oh gosh, how awful. No idea how her living in would work under these circumstances, but she can't stay there. You'll have to put her on a train to wherever she came from. If she is guilty, then she's nicked enough to afford a swanky hotel for at least one night, so don't spend too much time worrying about it.

[needastrongone]

Thread derail, but why on earth would you not give your PIN to your DH?!

[LoveBoursin]

Ebb yes you are trusting a nanny with your dcs which is a lot.
But then I wouldn't want her to have direct access to my own account. A separate account just for the nanny yes. After more than 3 months and not when there has already been some money disappearing in the house.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

To be fair Twitter I'm pretty sarcastic and your comment wasn't. At all. So get off your high horse with your Not everything on here is gospel nonsense and realise that your comment was a fail.

[TenThousandSteps]

You will not be covered by the bank if you gave your pin number away. All instructions are 'do not reveal your pin to anyone'. You need to go to a machine and get the pin changed immediately or just cut it up if you don't use it. You need to keep all cash locked away.

I'd get a list of all the cash withdrawals or spending. Is it a contactless card? If she used it as a contactless card then you might have a chance of the bank refunding you.

As to dealing with her ..... personally I would cancel any standing orders you have in place to pay her, ask her to leave immediately without pay and tell her why, suggest that she takes you to court for back pay but that meanwhile you are calling the police to investigate £1,000 that has disappeared from your account or she can admit her guilt and that would be the end of it (although you will be telling everyone who asks why she has suddenly left your employ). She may well back down quietly as she will not want to have a criminal record and you will have recouped some of your losses. Of course you won't be giving her any references, but don't tell that to her; wait until someone contacts you for a reference and then spill the beans.

I'll happily read all of the posts that follow aghast at this suggestion, but this is what I would do. It is of course not the only route to salvation.

[29PaddingtonSt]

I wouldn't give my PIN to DH because it's breaking the terms and conditions that you agree to when your bank issues a card to you. I'm a stickler for rules!

[jellycat1]

All sounds a bit weird to me. You told her and the cleaner that if they admitted they stole £200 from beside your bed, you'd give her another chance?!!! Hell no! You'd leave your kids with someone like that?

[needastrongone]

Paddington

[Elendon]

You gave someone your PIN number? Are you serious? And what is a night stand? And why would you pt £200 on it?

This sounds like something from Downton Abbey.

[Loqo]

Have you examined your statement, surely once you see where and when the money was drawn out or spent you will have a better idea.

I know you know now but it's really, really dumb to give anyone else a PIN number.

[SpotOn]

I can see why the op was really nice initially...if one of them had admitted to taking the money for an emergency and immediately paid it back, maybe the op could just about have overlooked it I'm not sure I could

OP learn from this and in future have a special nanny account for times when she may bend to go shopping or pay for something. Also, check everything to see she hadn't taken jewellery etc. If she can repeatedly steal cash believing she won't be found out who knows what else she's taken thinking you won't notice.

[Only1scoop]

If either had confessed would you really have left the thief either with access to clean your house....or with responsibility for your small children?

Was it a lie on your behalf to bring on a confession or would you have kept them on?

[Corygal1]

How did nanny get hold of card if it lives in your handbag and you're at work all day?

[ZiggyFartdust]

How did nanny get hold of card if it lives in your handbag and you're at work all day?

OP isn't at work all night, is he? Nanny lives in the house!

Pretty weird whoever said they wouldn't even give their PIn to their DH. Don't you trust him at all?

[jollyjester]

Technically they could fire her if they have proof of the theft as it is gross misconduct.

Good luck OP

[Elendon]

So you believe your husband isn't exciting enough to have an affair?

The mind, it boggles.