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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accuse nanny of being a thief?

267 replies

inanannypickle · 29/02/2016 15:29

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 29/02/2016 16:34

Why are people saying the police won't do anything?! The woman has stolen from them on a multitude of occasions! Of course they will do something!

LyndaNotLinda · 29/02/2016 16:36

Giving someone your PIN for a one off occasion to do some last minute shopping (presumably for the family) and them then using that PIN to make cash withdrawals isn't the same as the Lawson case at all.

And the police will investigate although there is not CCTV at every cashpoint.

As the OP gave the nanny her PIN, she won't be able to get the money back from the bank though.

LurkingHusband · 29/02/2016 16:42

Is it possible that the card was copied?

Not a Chip & PIN one.

Cel982 · 29/02/2016 16:43

Of course it's still theft, regardless of whether the OP gave her the PIN. The PIN just gives her access to the money, not permission to take it. That's like saying the nanny would be justified in taking the family silver because the OP left her in the house alone.

(Doesn't mean you'll get the money back, because the bank aren't at fault, but it's still theft.)

Esspee · 29/02/2016 16:44

Your partner "isn't exciting enough to go off and have an affair" you say. Not that you are in love and trust him implicitly? Sometimes being taken for granted at home drives people into relationships where they are appreciated so before I accused anyone I would go through the unauthorised withdrawals with a fine tooth comb looking for clues as to who has used it. I don't really think he would be stupid enough to use your card but stranger things have happened. Try having the police round while nanny is at home. Her reaction when told why they have been called might be enlightening.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/02/2016 16:45

I would call the police regardless of whether you gave her your pin or not, fairly certain the police WILL do something even if the banks won't.

PippaPug · 29/02/2016 16:45

As a Nanny, some families give me a pin and card so I can go and buy little Johnny his school uniform, Elsa her lunch, pay for the school trip and buy food shopping for the week!

But if she is stealing then Police straight away!

shoeaddict83 · 29/02/2016 16:47

I agree call the police as its theft and she needs to be aware you know. if shes agency you also need to make them aware so she cannot be placed elsewhere to do this again.
I was just stating from experience if you give out your Pin regardless of if it was intended for one purchase, you are not likely to be reimbursed by your bank.. You never know you may get a sympathetic bank, but i doubt it.
That is a separate issue to making the police aware of theft though.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/02/2016 16:47

How did we get to the OP's husband being taken for granted and driven into the arms of another woman Confused

achildsjoy · 29/02/2016 16:48

I think it's unfair to blame the op for giving her pin out, if you trust someone with your child then surely you would trust them with a bank card.

achildsjoy · 29/02/2016 16:48

I think it's unfair to blame the op for giving her pin out, if you trust someone with your child then surely you would trust them with a bank card.

Katenka · 29/02/2016 16:49

When you wrote that the cleaner quit after the conversation, I kinda thought its your nanny. Don't know why.

Maybe because of the title? Grin

JessieMcJessie · 29/02/2016 16:50

I don't get why everyone is saying it is so awful for the cleaner. She knew she wasn't the only suspect.

NewYearSameMe · 29/02/2016 16:52

If it was me I would go to the police, but before I did that I would sort out alternative child care and arrange to have the locks changed because I wouldn't want her in my house or near my children once she knew that I know about the theft. Then I would file a complaint with the police, sack her, give her pay for her notice period and tell her not to return to your house or contact the children.

The money is gone, but that's probably the least of your concerns tbh. Have you checked other valuables, like jewellery?

In future it would be safer to have a pre-loaded debit card or similar available for when petty cash is needed.

laurierf · 29/02/2016 16:53

The cleaner was in a very different situation to the nanny and I'm sure felt the majority of the suspicion fell on her and not the nanny.

BirthdayBetty · 29/02/2016 16:55

Despite giving her the pin, the nanny has made multiple unauthorised withdrawals, so I'd have thought it would still be considered theft.
My aunts carer was prosecuted for making unauthorised withdrawals after having access to her card for shopping, it was considered financial abuse as she was classed as a vulnerable adult.

Only1scoop · 29/02/2016 16:55

I'd also watch out for her running up debts at your address and using your info etc.

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2016 16:57

I have little sympathy with the fact that you can apparently afford to 'lose' £1,000 out of your bank without actually noticing, and that £200 is also easily dismissable.... If money means to little to you then yes, YABU.

I've never read anything so stupid in my life.

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2016 16:57

OP, are you saying that the card was missing and the last time you remember seeing it was when you gave it to the nanny to do some shopping for you? Didn't you get it back at the time?

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 29/02/2016 16:58

I'm sorry actually. Having your trust abused, esp by someone you've trusted your children to, is very shocking.

Whathaveilost · 29/02/2016 16:58

I have little sympathy with the fact that you can apparently afford to 'lose' £1,000 out of your bank without actually noticing, and that £200 is also easily dismissable. If money means to little to you

What a ridiculous statement!!

Cabrinha · 29/02/2016 17:00

Have you asked the bank with ATMs were used?
If it's the one outside your H's office at lunch time every day that's different to the one by the kids school at 09:00.

BirthdayBetty · 29/02/2016 17:02

I have little sympathy with the fact you can apparently afford to 'lose' £1,000
That statement is ridiculous! At the end of the day theft is theft regardless Confused

DawnOfTheDoggers · 29/02/2016 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BMW6 · 29/02/2016 17:03

I have little sympathy with the fact that you can apparently afford to 'lose' £1,000 out of your bank without actually noticing, and that £200 is also easily dismissable. If money means to little to you

Is this a defence for theft Hmm? Or just one of the stupidist things I've ever read on MN (and that's saying a lot......)