Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents should pick up after their kids who make mess in restaurants

344 replies

LifeofI · 28/02/2016 19:17

Do you think so?

I was in a restaurant today with my friend and her two year old, her child always eats about 4 chips then the rest she just throws the food around. When we were leaving a lady made a comment "aren't you going to clean that up" my friend didn't hear but i did and said no and she just tutted.

When i got home me and my partner had a discussion and he thinks the parents should clean up after their child as he has work as a waiter and said it is annoying but i'm on the fence about it. We have a very young baby who hasn't started eating solids so we are not at that stage.

What do you think?

OP posts:
GreenTomatoJam · 28/02/2016 20:35

Ah, see, now, I try not to stack plates unless I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right.

When I was a waitress we had a system, and as much as customers stacking the plates showed lovely willing and wanting to be helpful, 9/10 times it wasn't and it meant more trips/dirty arms for me.

But again, this was my experience - it may be things are different elsewhere.

needastrongone · 28/02/2016 20:37

Do you need to work in the industry? I haven't either, but I would still clear up. And I would clear up after the person that I was sat with too, if required, but maybe that's just me!

jeremyisahunt · 28/02/2016 20:38

I used to work in retail. We had one mum come into the store and her toddler was sick on the floor. The mum straight away asked for some kitchen towel, which she used to clean up herself and her child! She then left the store with the rest of the mess for us to clean up! Angry

Even worse, she was a regular customer and actually came back regularly afterwards! We all used to death stare her! Angry

FeralBeryl · 28/02/2016 20:39

But the child was a member of your party?! That's why the woman wouldn't have thought it relevant who you were.
People are being insulting because you've made it clear that this isn't a thing that you think is necessary regardless of who/what/where that's all.
And I think a lot of us have probably been on the other end of cleaning unnecessary shite up after customers, patients or clients which is why it's such a passionate response you've received.

Original poster
LifeofI · 28/02/2016 20:40

So in general, when staff say not to bother clean it up do they really mean clean it up but they don't want to be rude, would you say?

OP posts:
Busybusybust · 28/02/2016 20:41

I used to own a restaurant which attracted families. It drove my staff crazy, those bloody parents who allowed their little darlings to chuck food around! If they attempted to clean up, and apologised, than fair enough - no toddlers are perfect!

Oddly, by and large, it was the 'posher' parents who were the worst!

melonribena · 28/02/2016 20:42

Staff will always be polite and say no to, but that's hardly the point. As a parent you teach your child to be tidy and clean up. I used to pick up big bits and make it more presentable. Having said that, a two year old shouldn't be throwing food. At 6mths-18ths yes.

I remember being in a restaurant when a family left a huge mess, I was shocked at it. As their final insult, a young boy of about 10 poured half a cup of orange juice all over the mess before leaving

CantChoose · 28/02/2016 20:42

If I dropped a chip on the floor or table I'd pick it up and leave it on the side of the plate. Dont see why it should be any different if a child you're responsible for is doing the dropping!
Though at least in a restaurant the table is about to be cleaned...
My pet hate is little 'darlings' depositing the majority of a bag of snacks on the floor and seats of the train/ tube/ bus etc which is fastidiously ignored by the parents. Grr... My grandmother always told me that eating in public was vulgar though, it's obviously rubbed off on me!

needastrongone · 28/02/2016 20:42

I would still stack a few things up, and pick some stuff up I am afraid. If I was to have a coffee in a cafe, I would usually take the empty cup to the counter as I left.

yummumto3girls · 28/02/2016 20:43

Of course you clean up the worst of it, I wouldn't go as far as baby wipes but would gather most of it together, and I usually stack plates etc on to the tray. People working in restaurants are always going to say don't bother, that wouldn't give them a good reputation and would probably lose them their job! They are not paid enough for dealing with your filth, so don't be a scumbag, clear up after yourself!

needastrongone · 28/02/2016 20:43

It's teaching your child to be respectful, more than anything.

Original poster
LifeofI · 28/02/2016 20:44

feral, she could of said it to the mother, I don't understand why she didn't and decided to say it to me regardless if i was sitting with them or not and i dont agree with insulting someone asking a question on a public forum for opinions.
Everyone has different opinions on subjects which is the purpose of forums like MN.

OP posts:
MummySparkle · 28/02/2016 20:46

angtging that can be picked up gets picked up off the floor or table into a napkin or wipe and then piled onto a dirty plate. Try to minimise the chaos caused by crayons / stickers (pizza express I'm looking at you) Dribk on the floor I would mop up, or at least put a serviette down to soak up the most of it and alert staff to its presence. Crumbs / little splashes of food on the floor / table I would leave, and I wouldnt wipe down a highchair either, unless my DCs had caused some sort of major spillage

FeralBeryl · 28/02/2016 20:46

No, table mess (within reason) I think that they probably do mean 'leave it' but chips or larger pieces of food on the floor I would think if they say it, they're being polite and wishing you fall off the step on the way out Grin
I leave the table as I would if I was eating at someone I knew, granted I go overboard and wipe the mats etc, but I would expect most people would try and keep mess limited to the plates.

melonribena · 28/02/2016 20:47

Do you think your friend had already walked past when the lady realised she wasn't going to clean up so decided to speak to you as you were there?

Noodledoodledoo · 28/02/2016 20:48

I was put off going down the baby-led weaning route after going out with a friend who did exactly the same - mess everywhere I was so embarrassed to leave. It was disgusting I did my best to clear up but with only a couple of used napkins and my hands there was a limit to what I could do. There had been no baby wipes out all lunchtime I could have commandeered

My little one was taught from a young age not to throw foods it is possible - (we did end up doing sort of BLW as it was the only way they would try anything) I either only give them very little to have the option of throwing, keep a close eye and try and prevent the throwing. Luckily they are a fan of food and don't like to waste it (except veg!!) It doesn't stop it all but it does minimise the mess. As they have got older I may give them more in front of them but as soon as we start attempting to throw anything the plate gets removed.

I always pick up the majority from the floor, wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 28/02/2016 20:50

Do adults wash up after themselves in restaurants and launder the napkins? This is really weird.

I think really differently from you all. I think

  • in cinemas, or other places with bins like fast food restaurants, you should take your rubbish and throw it in the bin. If you have left smudges or crumbs on the table though, you probably don't have the kit or equipment to wipe them up, and the staff do this. You're just clearing the decks so they can do the cleaning.
  • in restaurants or other places with waiting staff, there are no bins in sight. Your food is brought and the dirty plates taken away. If you need something you have to ask for it. It's not like your friend's house where you might get up for a glass of water, and then help tidy up at the end. You don't have access to the kitchen, to the cleaning stuff, or to any kind of bin. The whole set up is that you are waited on, you are fairly passive, and you pay for it.
  • If you take children to any of these places, they are either welcome or not. you can tell by the atmosphere. If they are, then your child's reasonable child-mess will be treated as adult mess: i.e. in a fast food place, you will clear the table, expecting it to be cleaned; in a place with service, you order, you eat, you pay and tip, you leave.
  • in either place I'd pick up a dropped half a roll or something of that size, and I'd stop them throwing lots of food or making sticky finger prints on the wall - but no way would I get down and clean the floor. I'm kind of appalled at the unanimity that that's expected.
  • Unless it's a cafeteria and there is a trolley for trays of dirty crockery, I think it's grim to be piling and stacking after eating. Really grim. I can't bear people who do all that bustling in your face after a nice meal. Leave a 5 minute window of decency, please. It's so self righteous and so ugly and yuk.
captaincake · 28/02/2016 20:51

"when my partner was telling me how annoying it was I didn't realise, i haven't ever worked in the food industry."

I have never worked in the food industry either. I have been able to work out that it is incredibly rude to leave a huge mess behind without so much as quickly picking up the worst of it.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 28/02/2016 20:52

"I leave the table as I would if I was eating at someone I knew,"

this is blowing my mind

Actually I think this is disrespecting the staff. I think it's disrespecting the whole principle of eating out

HowBadIsThisPlease · 28/02/2016 20:54

I suppose to me it's a bit like making the bed when you leave a guest room; you may think you are being all lovely and tidy but you are sort of implying that the hostess is the sort to use her sheets again without washing them

mamapants · 28/02/2016 20:55

I used to work in a cafe for years. I really wouldn't expect customers to clean up at all. If somebody tried I would genuinely tell them not to. You don't pay for food out to sweep the floor on your hands and knees its just daft. Staff will have brooms and dustpans and antibac etc. I think you should all just relax.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 28/02/2016 20:55

OP, wow, defensive much? This is AIBU, the MN jury has decreed you should have (or at least your friend should have) cleared up after yourselves. That is all. Accept that you were unreasonable gracefully and move on!

TrashPanda · 28/02/2016 20:57

I always pick up the big bits, especially any that are not right under the table. Quite often the waiter will say not to worry but I've been there and don't think it's fair to just leave loads of mess. In the same way I wouldn't leave the food I didn't finish all over the table.

If for any reason I couldn't tidy it up, I would point it out to the waiter and apologise and explain, I wouldn't ever just leave it. In a group I would do the same, even if my kids aren't there.

DaisyDando · 28/02/2016 20:58

I would agree that stacking plates at a restaurant table is a tad uncouth.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 28/02/2016 21:00

Apart from anything else, you don't know how they want the stuff stacked. I hate people doing that in my house (things get chipped, gunge gets on the bottom of things that didn't need to be gungey as they only had bread in or steamed vegetables or something). And it's so ugly, it's so pinny-wearing, step-scrubbing, despising of those with the wrong kind of nets kind of thinking.