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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents should pick up after their kids who make mess in restaurants

344 replies

LifeofI · 28/02/2016 19:17

Do you think so?

I was in a restaurant today with my friend and her two year old, her child always eats about 4 chips then the rest she just throws the food around. When we were leaving a lady made a comment "aren't you going to clean that up" my friend didn't hear but i did and said no and she just tutted.

When i got home me and my partner had a discussion and he thinks the parents should clean up after their child as he has work as a waiter and said it is annoying but i'm on the fence about it. We have a very young baby who hasn't started eating solids so we are not at that stage.

What do you think?

OP posts:
CauliflowerBalti · 28/02/2016 20:08

I always tidy up after I've eaten - with my son, or without. Used napkins on plates so the servers don't have to touch them, big bits of food picked up. I always feel it's incredibly entitled not to. People aren't paid enough to deal with my shit. I wouldn't leave it at home, so I don't leave it in a restaurant.

I also make the bed in hotel rooms before I leave - well, turn it down, leave the pillows straight - and put rubbish in/by the wastebin, as I think it's disrespectful to the maids to be faced with a great big 'fuck you this is your life' pile to sort through and potentially find horror in. All my exes have found this very odd behaviour. And when I'm in the cinema I'll take my popcorn tub and drink carton out and bin it. No-one seems to do this - also deemed bonkers by all exes.

There's a difference between being paid to serve me and being paid to be my servant.

RetroHippy · 28/02/2016 20:10

It was clearing up after other people's messy kids that gave me such a strong association with baby wipe smell that walking past the supermarket baby aisle used to make me feel queasy. I'm over it now I have one, but I will ALWAYS clear up after myself. Yes, I was the one chasing peas across BHS cafe last week. Won't make that mistake again.

Wait staff saying to leave it as you'll clean it anyway; I don't think I eat where you work! The high chairs are always minging. I generally leave them cleaner than when I arrived. My standards are pretty high for for restaurant cleanliness though shame this doesn't translate to my own house

AtAt · 28/02/2016 20:10

I will always pick up large pieces of food if DS drops them. I will then ask the staff for a dustpan and brush to clear up the rest. They always say 'don't worry, we will clean it up'. I know it's their job to clear up, but I like to let them know that I am willing to clean up after my child if they would like me to.

Loqo · 28/02/2016 20:11

I would mostly clear up and, if my child had, say, spilt something I would say a quick sorry to the staff and leave a decent tip.

It's rude to just leave everything.

RetroHippy · 28/02/2016 20:12

To clarify: peas being the mistake. Not picking them up.

Cauliflower we could be partners in conscientious clearing up.

TopHat33 · 28/02/2016 20:12

Yes! cauliflower I also take my rubbish out of the cinema and it never fails to amaze me that others don't. That's why there are bins by the door - so you don't need to litter. It seems very entitled to leave your discarded food and rubbish strewn everywhere.

Sparklycat · 28/02/2016 20:12

Of course you should! Mines not a messy eater but I clean big bits up off the floor and then apologise to the waiter for the crumbs we have left.

HoggleHoggle · 28/02/2016 20:13

Yes, I do a brief clear up - big bits of food off floor, no sticky disgusting messes on the table. I was a waitress when I was younger and although I accept clearing tables is part of my job I used to find it so rude when parents left hideous messes from children on the tables...it was going too far. The worst was leaving the wipes used to clear up a young baby post meal, not on their plates, but on the table so I would have to pick up about 10 pieces of soggy, foody, tissue. No thanks.

kawliga · 28/02/2016 20:13

Don't take your dc to restaurants until you've taught them not to throw their food. Throwing food is fun, I think most children try it when they're weaned because it makes a lovely splat on the floor. Zero tolerance is the way to go with this.

Here's a link to the disgusting mess people leave behind on planes because the lovely stewardess will soon be along with her mop and bucket to clean up
www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3239746/Dirty-nappies-gnarled-dirty-toenails-discarded-half-eaten-sandwiches-Latest-passenger-shaming-photos-disgusting-habits-air-travellers.html

lunar1 · 28/02/2016 20:13

Bloody skanky to let children throw food in a restaurant. I'd always pick up dropped bits big enough to pick up.

Shocked at the poster who said about a 4 year old making a mess. Unless there are additional needs to consider why would a child that age make a horrific mess?

Only1scoop · 28/02/2016 20:13

'Only is it my child?'

About what u would have expected.

Explains much.

herecomesthsun · 28/02/2016 20:14

Well I have usually picked up what bits I can, smile, apologise, leave a decent tip, and generally am told not to bother too much by staff, we go to cafes etc, that are child friendly.

Only1scoop · 28/02/2016 20:14

'What I would have expected'

FeralBeryl · 28/02/2016 20:15

Hmm so a total stranger at the next table commented because there were some chips on the table? Or were they really all over the floor which is far more likely
Even if it wasn't your child, I would have expected you to throw a wipe around if your friend was busy sorting her child out. It's what friends do for each other.
The fact that you weren't mortified, clearly shows that whichever fence you think you were sitting on, collapsed.

mathanxiety · 28/02/2016 20:16

I lost some of my post - I think parents should pick up after their children in a restaurant, and elsewhere.

Quills · 28/02/2016 20:19

Of course you should!

I still curse the family who, when I was still working as a waitress at 36 weeks pregnant, sauntered off to leave me to clean up their child's vomit - all over the highchair, table and sauce bowl. Didn't even leave me a bastard tip Angry

DD1 is now 7, DD2 is nearly 2, and DH and I happily get down onto the floor to clean up after them, and wipe down the table and high chair before we leave. Trust me, waiters get paid a low enough wage as it is and work bloody hard for it - don't make their job even harder through your selfishness.

GreenTomatoJam · 28/02/2016 20:22

I'd pick up anything awful, yes, but a little bit of mess, I'd leave for someone with the equipment to tidy.

I've never had anyone give me dirty looks, the staff have generally shoed me away as I bend over to pick up what's been dropped, as they have a broom and pan, and I have my hands and a babywipe.

When I was working as service staff, I always presumed that parents had enough on their hands, without trying to clean up after kids with only a babywipe (and the child happily creating more mess behind them) whereas I had a nice big cloth, a dustpan and brush, and I was paid to keep my tables clean.

Perhaps things have changed in 10 years

GreenTomatoJam · 28/02/2016 20:23

Oh God, Quills, no vomit is above and beyond. And I always leave a good tip - extra if I think I haven't made enough of a clearing/controlling effort myself!

Chrysanthemum5 · 28/02/2016 20:24

I went out with a couple of mums from school and all the DCs - aged between 5 and 10. The children made a bit of a mess, at the end I was clearing up my DCs mess when the other mums just walked off. I said I'd join them when I had tidied the worst of the mess but they didn't stop Shockthey seemed like nice people but I was disappointed that they had no respect for the waitress.

Stanky · 28/02/2016 20:25

I've definitely been guilty of leaving rubbish in the cinema, just because that's what I saw everyone else do, and friendly staff with cleaning equipment on the way out. I will definitely put my cinema rubbish in the bin in future.

The worst I've heard about in a restaurant was a family who went on an all inclusive holiday with my in laws, with young messy children. Food was everywhere, and all over the high chair any way, but then the toddler's nappy leaked (exploded) all over the place as well. The family just got up and left the staff to it.

Sallystyle · 28/02/2016 20:28

Yes.

I clean up after myself at restaurants.

Well, I put all the left over food on one plate and stack everything up and wipe down any spills. The staff always seem to appreciate it.

kawliga · 28/02/2016 20:31

To me this is not even about respect for the staff, it's about respect for yourself. Leaving a mess in your wake is disgusting. I even sometimes clear up other people's messes before I leave a place, like I will rinse down the sink in the plane even though I found it grotty, and I will throw out paper towels left beside the bin by people too precious to throw it into the actual bin. I just feel better leaving a place clean behind me. Nothing to do with respecting the staff, really. I wouldn't clean up somebody else's gross mess, of course, but happy to throw out bits of paper or empty paper cups, etc.

Original poster
LifeofI · 28/02/2016 20:33

I'm not being defensive, I asked for opinions not insults and its not my child. The lady looked me directly in the eye and asked me if i'm going to clean up rather than the mother which is why i said no. I'm sure she knew i wasn't the mother as her child was calling her mummy not me.

I don't see why i should clean up after someone else's child, i clean up after myself.
I said i'm on the fence because staff usually say don't bother to clean up so when my partner was telling me how annoying it was I didn't realise, i haven't ever worked in the food industry.

OP posts:
MockTheWeek · 28/02/2016 20:33

I always clear up after my DD apart from once when a lovely waiter insisted that he would do it. He said "you do it at home, I'll do it here". Very sweet but I still felt awful Confused

GiraffesAndButterflies · 28/02/2016 20:35

Related nappy bag question. I have several times been in restaurants/cafes/soft plays etc where my friends and I have got through a number of wet wipes/napkins/wrappers/etc. I want to help staff clearing the table but often there isn't a bin available to customers. If I bag up our crap and leave it all in a nappy bag is that:
A) helpful because it's just one thing to throw away
B) gross because it looks like a nappy
C) I'm overthinking it.

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