to think that my sister has lost the plot and not know how to respond ?

[Arrowfanatic]

She says I'm copying her and I'm jealous of her life (I'm a couple of years older than her) because she has 3 children and I have 3 children.

I am at this because my eldest is 6 months older than hers, my middle is 3 months older than hers and my youngest is starting school soon but she's still pregnant with her third.

She's posting all over fb about me copying her family and I don't know how the heck I am meant to respond to it?? Aside from 3 kids we really have zero in common anyway but I'm fed up of being slated publicly by her and her friends (who btw I have never met). I'm almost 40 years old, this seems mental.

What a nightmare Op. You did the right thing deleting / removing her. It's not worth the head space.

IMHO people that spend so much time focusing/slating/bitching about people that have done them no wrong are normally really unhappy about something in their own life. And the reason the start bitching/been nasty is because the person they pick on has something or is doing something positive in their life which reminds the nasty person of how shitty they feel. IYSWIM

Ignore her and hopefully your DM can get through to her.

Have a fourth. That'll fox her. I was thinking that. Or get a puppy

In terms of asking your mum - if you think your mum will just brush it off as 'that's your sister's way', does your mum have a favourite child? And by any chance, is it your sister?

The fact your mum has just let your sister bully you all your life is fairly significant and hints that there may be a golden child, scapegoat dynamic going on here.

Think honestly - if you behaved the same way as your sister, would your mum let you get away with it?

Well you can't be copying her over number of kids. So either (1) she thinks you're copying her because of something else (something to do with the kids?), (2) she doesn't actually think you're copying her, or (3) she's pretty ill and confused - in a way that's worrying and should be met with concern not anger.

Thanks for the replies (I was just getting my kids sorted)

As for what big event may have set it off, my husband just got a big promotion which puts him in a very high position and it's pretty public what he does so guessing his salary won't be hard and her and her husband work like dogs to survive (I'm a sahm). I wonder if that maybe set it off?

A fourth, hell no!!! (And she just got a dog, I'd be copying hahaha. Besides I have cats, polar opposite!)

I don't know about favourites (there are 5 of us in all), but my sister and my mum are very similar and being the youngest girl I think mum just let her get on with it.

Is it definitely her posting? Could someone else have accessed her FB account?

If she is very much motivated by jealousy, you being a comfortably off SAHM and your DH having a big pay rise would totally be behind it.

I suspect she might be the golden child if she is the youngest girl, a bit of babying going on from your mum maybe? Lots of sympathy about how hard she has it and how you have to make allowances for her etc etc.

TBH how much do you have to have to do with her? If you weren't sisters it doesn't sound like you would be friends. Blocking on FB and just seeing her when you have to for family events sounds the way forward.

I don't have much to do with her at all. You're right, in another life I wouldn't be friends with her as I wouldn't even like her.

Mmm it does sound like jealously and bitterness.

Congratulations on your DH promotion.

does she still have access to your facebook can she see you? i would start posting things like a new campervan new puppy new car etc and when she complains act confused and say but i don't have those things >head tilt< is everything ok >hun<

but im not always nice

"How can I copy you by having three children, when you only have two???"

Would be my response if my sister were to ever post something this ludicrous!

In fact, my sister probably could legitimately post this (if she was totally barmy that is), because she had two girls, followed by a boy, as did I. Her girls are older than mine though, and her boy is older than my boy.

She wants attention.

Off you. Off her circle of friends.

She is insecure so can't get it off being normal, only bat shit.

Ignore.

I would just text 'hope the pregnancy goes well. Get in touch if you want to chat about anything properly'

I agree with the others she is probably projecting, but did she say she wanted three kids a lot growing up? Maybe she's annoyed you 'bet her to it'.

Arrow, you're absolutely right to not engage. I have all too much experience of this. DP's younger brother is exactly the same. He and his wife are so, so bitter towards us (and the rest of DP's siblings, but DP and I get most of the vitriol).

We're getting married this year, DP will be the last of his siblings to get married and they hate that. They are also assuming that DP and I will be having babies once we're married (little do they know that I've had 5 MCs and we're unlikely to have children) and are pre-emptively jealous of a potential baby that doesn't yet exist and likely never will. In their case, it started with bitching, then accusations of 'copying' them... Yes, by daring to get married after them we're copying them . It then escalated into posting on FB about wanting to shoot us and the rest of DP's siblings in our heads.

We have completely disengaged. Like Shark said, no audience, no performance. Well, I have no doubt that they still put on the performance, but they get no response from us.

Interestingly, when DP has mentioned any of this to his parents, their attitude, like your Mum's Arrow is 'oh that's just his way'. Oh, so that makes it just fine then . DP's brother is the youngest and has also always been a bully.

Sorry, that was a bit of a self indulgent rant . I really do sympathise Arrow. There have been some excellent responses suggested on here and I love some of them, but I do think it best not to dignify such bollocks with a response.

Sorry to say it sounds like a plausible reason, Arrow. Which is sad and immature of her. Perhaps one day it'll shift, but for now enjoy your own family and congrats to your DP.

Shadow

When I got engaged I was showing my older (long married) sister my ring (as you do) and she got really upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said that mine was bigger than hers. I explained to her it was probably just the setting and showed her how mine sat higher than hers but x, y, z... A couple of years later her DH and I were talking about a fight she and I had had recently and he said "you guys always were really jealous of each other" and when I asked for an example one of them was my ring. She told him that I'd mocked hers and bragged about how mine was bigger... Shocked was an understatement!

There's no way this has come out of the blue so someone has said something or you've written something that has got her back up and it's triggered it. Not that it's your fault or anything, she's just taken it the wrong way (like my DSis did above).

Maybe someone has said something to her about you, or your DH, about how great you and your DH are or your life situation or something and she's just though "she's only doing it because I have done x, y, z" so she's "defending" herself by saying YOU'RE the jealous one, not her.

Are you the parents favourite? Was she the black sheep or scape goat while growing up?

That'll be it. It's pure envy about your DH's promotion. Don't know why she's ranting on about three kids though, that's just nuts. Are you sure by 'three kids much?' she doesn't mean 'how could a grown woman with three kids be jealous/copying me like this?' What does 'Three kids much?' even mean?

Is there anything else you could be accused of copying her over?

I agree she sounds possibly unwell and a bit hysterical.

Either way all her friends sound like thick as mince hyenas so I'd just block her and stay well away until she's got over herself. Let her come to you when she's ready but make her work hard for it. You sound normal and nice.

OP I have an aunt with a similar, tenuous, grasp on reality. For her I am always 'trying to be first' and do things before my cousin, her PFB. When questioned she ranted that I 'just had to' do exams (11 plus, GCSEs, ALevels, degree, driving test) first so that I could 'steal PFB's thunder'.

I am 5 years older than her wretched offspring, and all the things mentioned tend to happen at a specific age, but no, she will have none of it. I am relentlessly and aggressively doing things first, out of spite, competitiveness and jealousy of her son.

She's an idiot, frankly, as is your sister. Disengage from her drama, it only works for her if you are there to witness it. Failing that, a big butterfly net and a tranquilliser dart may come in handy.

My old best friend from my teens and twenties did that to me with her engagement ring though, syk and I was a bit

She really did have form for blatantly copying me, for example she bought virtually identical sofas and curtains which were not at all a common style or colour at the time. I found it irritating but I knew I should be flattered deep down that she just admired my taste and mimicked it. I am very into interior design and quite well known among my friends for rooting out unusual things or adopting colour schemes well ahead of the masses so I am flattered when people are influenced but I'd prefer them not to be quite so brazen about it! Either that, or to totally brazen it out and admit they loved it so much they couldn't resist copying, which I would accept with good grace.

I got engaged about 18 months before her, and her ring was a carbon copy of mine style wise, but the diamonds were twice the size! It was not an especially popular or common style at the time either, so it was pretty obvious she'd been influenced by mine. My diamonds were much better quality than hers but I couldn't help feeling a bit wound up by it. I just plastered on a big smile and said 'ooh lovely! It's just like mine but bigger, you lucky thing!' and then did a silent sigh and a secret eye roll at DH.

Then when I was PG I told her my name choice for a girl. She never made any particular comment about loving it at the time, I'd never heard her mention the name before and this was the sort of stuff we'd discussed a lot over the years, as you do with your bestie, but while I was still PG she started TTC and lo and behold, guess what name she wanted for a girl, and said it had apparently been her favourite for 'years and years'?

Because of the risk of history repeating itself I called my DD something else entirely in the end, very last minute hush hush choice, but she had a DD shortly afterwards and did indeed use the first name I'd picked.

With your sister though syk some people can get very very shirty if they feel they've been upstaged in any way. Particularly if it's a sibling who always feels insecure or second rate around you for whatever bizarre trumped up reason in their head, it can be really tough having to walk on eggshells your whole life for fear of doing something they perceive as a deliberate act of oneupmanship.

It then escalated into posting on FB about wanting to shoot us and the rest of DP's siblings in our heads.

WTF, what's wrong with some people. I hope you have as little to do with these "family" Memebership as possible

Members not Memebership.

I don't think, personally, there is any need to like people even if they are family members, if they're as obnoxious as your sister appears.

Assuming that she doesn't have any actual MH issues (which she might), then I just CBA with that level of childish provocation and attention seeking. She'd be blocked off my FB and I wouldn't bother contacting her at all, just see her at family events when necessary.

As childish as it is I would put the exact same wording as my status. And every time shebchanges her I'd change mine.