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AIBU?

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Original poster

to withold contact

125 replies

Butwhyohwhy · 27/02/2016 11:49

Exp is up to all his old tricks again

Very VERY long story cut short.... Exp quit job to avoid being caught up with CMS. He is wealthy, and refuses to pay out of spite ( not entirely sure why, he cheated on me, he ended the relationship with me when I was six months pregnantHmm)

So we had been to court as exp decided it wasn't his responsibility to return DS after contact each wkend, so just wouldn't return him! Angryand refused to give me any weekend time with DS as he thought DS should be with him every weekend and I was to have no quality time with DS

I had a thread on here a few weeks ago as after court and mediation, he started paying cm again , but once it was all over and he had no one to answer to, he stopped. It makes a huge difference to me financially and I struggle without it. So he successfully blackmailed me into travelling up again to collect DS when he has contact, I hated myself for it at the time, but it was that or get no cm, and i chose to get cm and give up my time to travel to collect despite his lawyer calling him out on it and saying t was HIS responsibility (45 min drive each way)

So I have met a new partner, and I'm very happy. Exp has gotten really asrsey with me lately and has now stopped paying CM. We're also off on holiday in a few days for 10 nights. After being hounded by exp for extra time with DS as I'm going on holiday, I had offered to give up my weekend with DS and said he could have him tonight, for two nights...but now he's not paying CM. I definitely can't afford the petrol to travel up and down, and know for a FACT that exp will just refuse to return him to me like he has done before so many times Sad even last week when I was really sick, I had a chest and viral infection, he still refused to return him to me as it was 'my' turn to travel.

Aibu to say no returning him then no contact and get advice again from my lawyer? I hate this Sad he doesn't do things by half though, so as he won't see him now for a few weeks he'll probably try to stop me going on holiday

OP posts:
Original poster
Butwhyohwhy · 27/02/2016 17:20

I couldn't really interpret that, I need permission but I don't if it's for less than 28days and if there's an agreement order? I'm retry sure it's a child agreement order we have so by definition.....I don't need his permission? So confusing

OP posts:
phequer · 27/02/2016 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rumbleinthrjungle · 27/02/2016 17:33

What a total prick he is being.

Don't take ds to him. If he wants contact you are not stopping it. He can take you to court to complain about it - and they will tell him his fortune and prevent him harrassing you, which is what his agenda is about. He wants to use his child as a weapon to bash you with.

If he does not return ds, you have a court order, you call the police and they should insist to dh that ds is returned. If need be go to court in the morning if dh has not returned ds. They will make it clear to him that he can't do this. Explain that transport will HAVE to be written into the contact order as dh refuses to respect the judge's instructions. (And the judge will not be at all thrilled with dh about this and will hopefully hand him his arse.)

If he tries to stop you going to Florida he will have to go to court to stop you. A judge will make it clear to him that there are no risks, he merely wants to control you, and he can stuff that.

Let court deal with him. Your obligation is not to prevent contact. You're not. You are not obligated to play patient Griselda to his abusiveness, court will deal with him, with sanctions if he doesn't respect what they lay down.

Original poster
Butwhyohwhy · 27/02/2016 17:33

I answered the door, exp grabbed DS and stormed off with him. DS doesn't have any shoes or a jacket on! SadAngryConfused

Absolute Wanker

OP posts:
BirthdayBetty · 27/02/2016 17:39

Jesus, what an abusive cock. Log EVERYTHING he does, conversations, times, dates. The fact he's just taken ds with no shoes or coat. That's fucking child neglect Angry what must your poor ds make if it all? He's a terrible role model.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 17:43

Jesus what an arsehole. Does he even have spare shoes and a coat at his house?

Pity that the police cant do anything.

balia · 27/02/2016 17:47

I'm not sure about the taking abroad element, I meant that an order is binding on both parties - so he can't decide not to return DS, but equally you can't decide to go on holiday during his contact time. If this weekend is an agreed replacement for the one (two?) he is going to miss, and he has agreed to collect and return DS, you need to wave DS off with a big smile.

balia · 27/02/2016 17:52

Sorry - missed that bit of the thread!

PirateSmile · 27/02/2016 17:56

You're in a war with your ex and you're thinking about using your DS as a weapon.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 18:04

Pirate, OP isnt the one who is using the child as a weapon. Nor is she the parent who snatch his child from his home with a coat or shoes.

PirateSmile · 27/02/2016 18:06

If she withholds contact she is definitely using the DS as a weapon. That's not to say the ex has behaved well. He's a disgrace.

limon · 27/02/2016 18:10

YABVU. CM and access should never be linked. He's añ arse but don't add to your child/rens distress by being an.arse too.

BirthdayBetty · 27/02/2016 18:15

Jesus, op hasn't refused contact Confused infact she's allowed ex to have ds when it's not his weekend.

PirateSmile · 27/02/2016 18:16

The question she's asking BirthdayBetty is should she withhold contact...Hmm

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 18:17

What Betty said. She's just trying to make sure she'll actually get her son back because her ex doesnt give a shit what the court says. What happens if OP cant actually pick her son up and ex refuses to return him, because the ex would rather not put his hand in his pocket and wants to play games?

balia · 27/02/2016 18:24

She's not 'allowing' contact...it's a court order, time her DS is entitled to.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 18:27

Balia, its OP's weekend and she said her ex could have their children. It's only when he threatened to not return she changed her mind.

BirthdayBetty · 27/02/2016 18:32

Did you not read the but where he stormed into her house, grabbed ds and stormed out with no coat or shoes on pre school child? Is that reasonable? This man is an abussive cock who doesn't work to avoid paying cm then withdraws cm on a whim and refuses to bring him back if op won't collect and she has no money for petrol.
If my dc's father treated them like this is be fucking livid Angry

Switchitup · 27/02/2016 18:33

Maintenance and contact is clearly linked when your waste of space ex refuses to pay yet expects you to spend money you don't have collecting your dc.

I wouldn't have let him go op and tbh if this is officially your weekend I would be ringing the police and going to court tomorrow as he has taken your dc by force on a weekend that he's supposed to be with you.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 18:34

My ex may have flaws, but atleast he's not an absolute cumstain on the pants of humanity and can reach compromise like an actual decent adult.

BirthdayBetty · 27/02/2016 18:37

cumstain on the pants of humanity Grin

Op I hope you're ok Flowers

merseyside · 27/02/2016 18:41

You need to go back to court and clarify all the contact, who picks ups, drops off, collects, whe. You can go on holiday etc etc.

OP this is a lesson is getting clear arrangements and sticking to them TO THE LETTER. Then shit like this is less likely to kick off.

Contact and money is separate legally, yes. However I would DEFINITELY withhold contact if exh said he wasn't returning DC.

And you absolutely CAN take your DC abroad for less than 28 days without exh's permission however if it covers his contact time then I would go through a solicitor just in case.

PirateSmile · 27/02/2016 18:43

If she stops her DS from having a relationship is she any better? Why not set firm boundaries than saying she won't let the boy see his father [confused ]

ElderlyKoreanLady · 27/02/2016 18:48

Pirate have you read all of the thread or are you too hung up on the title?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/02/2016 18:49

Pirate, its hard to set boundaries with someone who shits all over those boundaries, he doesnt even listen to what the court and his own solicitors. What happens when the child is at school, ex wont return him and OP cant afford to collect him? Shall he just miss days at school?

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