to say don't go and get signed off with stress

[writingonthewall]

I see this all the time on MN

OP: there's been a death in the family, I'm doing fine but need time off work to organise the funeral/comfort DH. work will only give me 3 days compassionate leave, after that I have to take holiday or unpaid leave

everyone else: go to your GP and get signed off with stress.

before I get flamed, I am a GP and I fully understand that bereavement hits different people in different ways. I sometimes do sign people off work after a bereavement - if you can't stand up for crying, then you can't work. And whilst there is no hierarchy of grief, as a general rule losing a child is very very traumatic whilst losing a parent is something that you do expect to happen at some point. So no problems with signing certificates for genuine mental health problems post bereavement.

What I do object to is this "get signed off with stress" when you aren't ill.

Do people not realise that, firstly, you are asking the GP to commit fraud. Secondly general practice is buckling. We are under resourced (all practices in one area I know are about to lose 20-25% of their funding) and even if we had the money, there are no GPs to recruit. And it's going to get worse if the new juniors contract doesn't get sorted out.

Every appointment taken up with a medicalisation of normal life, is an appointment that someone who is ill can't have and a potential delay in the diagnosis of someone else's cancer or other serious condition.

so please. see your GP if you are ill - physically or mentally. But think before you do and don't involve us in your battles with your employer and your general normal life events. Being sad after a bereavement is normal. The treatment is to talk about the person you have lost, cry a bit, and take care of yourself. It isn't to rush to the doctor for a medical cure.

But if you are looking after a terminally ill spouse, then surely that must be one of the most stressful things you can have to go through? So surely you would get signed off with stress?

When my friend (teacher) was nursing her terminally ill husband she was signed off for a year surely if you are in that situation facing a class is impossible?

The school were fantastically supportive, as they were with me when I was going through some serious shit

This has become an important thread I think, raising a number of critical issues around needing to take time off from work at the time of a bereavement, and following such a loss. And the role of both employers and GP's in adequately facilitating this.
Might be good to see it in DotD if OP was OK with that?

I'm pretty stressed at the moment with various family issues. Work is a blessed relief from thinking about those problems. So time off work is not necessarily a helpful course of action. If life events become too much for someone to work then unpaid leave is probably the answer.

I'm sorry but I just can't get over your first post. As a GP saying that the loss of a child is traumatic but a parent is expected.

I'm not even going to explain to you the reasons my DF dieing was also traumatic as I'm too angry.

As a GP you should be more understanding that grief is different for everyone. I'd hate to think my GP was silently judging me when my world fell apart

Not sure if this has been said already, but aren't they called "fit notes" now? As in "fit to work". You may not be "sick", but if you are completely distracted from your job while at work then surely you aren't fit to do it?

I work as an adviser for a teaching union. I speak to teachers every day from all over the country. Some schools may be supportive, but in the last 5 years they are becoming less so.

Requests for unpaid leave can also be turned down by employers.

surely if you are in that situation facing a class is impossible?

No, not for everyone. Plenty of people carry on working in those circumstances. Your friend couldn't but other people can, and have to if they don't have full pay sick leave and can't afford to support their families on whatever SSP is now (presumably not a lot).

Livinlavida - who do you think should pick up the tab?

I'm a Psychiatric Nurse and I despair of some of the attitudes on here, epitomised by the "man up" comment. Disgusting.

Always dismaying to see a GP so lacking in empathy. Mixing up the needs of the bereaved with those seeking sick notes for trivial reasons is also unhelpful. As so many have commented, bereavement is a life changer and people would hope to be greeted with compassion by their GP - not the "whilst losing a parent is something that you do expect to happen at some point" that the OP promotes.
There are difficult issues re bereavement and work, being allowed to fall apart versus resilience and carrying on. Fortunately there are many people with genuine compassion, insight and empathy (unlike the OP) who can help people navigate their way through such a difficult time.

I don't see the OP as lacking in empathy at all. Again, feel like I'm reading an alternative thread.

Yeah, the 'man up' comment and particularly Sparklycat's.

OP's example specifically stated "I'm doing fine".

She's not talking about people with catastrophic grief reactions/adjustment disorders/depression. She talking about people who need time off for funeral admin. I suspect she's also talking about wider issues where people need to sort stuff. It's not a medical problem. Being snowed under by admin is not being ill.

OP has not shown a lack of empathy.

Some on here lack empathy with the difficult situation of being asked to lie, or commit fraud for someone else, when that someone else has the upper hand. (In terms of complaints, patient satisfaction questionnaires etc.)

Sparklycat is neither the OP, or a GP, louisatwo

LivinLaVidaLoki - Sorry, I didn't mean to be personal given the difficulties you are having . I am someone on a zero-hours type arrangement so I just don't have the option to have paid leave.

Dumbbelle - I was talking about the OP who is a GP, not about Sparklycat

Well, you must have read a very different set of posts from the OP to everyone else, then.

I can't see any lack of empathy at all in the OP's post, or any indication that she wouldn't be supportive and helpful to someone who is unwell. She's quite clear that some people are going to need time off work. But if they're not unwell they don't get paid time off to organise stuff.

dumbbelle is spot on there.

It's always dismaying to see posters who willfully ignore what the OP has written, because they're in such a hurry to project their own feelings - and if what has been posted doesn't gel with their view of the world, they just ignore it!

I do get where the OP is coming from.

I'm under an unbelievable amount of work based stress at the moment. I'm a community mental health nurse. There have been 20% cuts in my trust, only 5 years after the previous 20% cuts. So 40% in the last 5 years. The teams have been reconfigured (again) and the bank and agency staff let go. My role has changed beyond belief. I've been given a huge caseload of patients I don't know and have to get on with it. Many of them have needs that I have insufficient knowledge (because my previous role before the changes didnt require this knowledge) and time to deal with. My to do list and paperwork are increasing by the second. My manager is crap and just pats me on the back every so often.

I'm going home crying because I can't offer patients the service they need. I stopped smoking a few months back but this creeping back and my alcohol use is creeping up. I can't even enjoy weekends cos I'm worrying about work all the time and am only sleeping cos of nytol.

I don't want to go off sick though if I can help it. 1) what will happen to my patients if I do? 2) I've only recently returned to work following 12 weeks off with a hysterectomy. 3) I'm looking for new work and need a reference and a not too bad sickness, especially given my recent sickness.

If I could, I'd be down the GP like a shot, but I cant, I really can't.