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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a clean house and a baby?

137 replies

princesspineapple · 26/02/2016 11:35

I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby... And a bit houseproud. Is it possible to keep your house nice when you have a baby?
Our house was always a bombsite when I was growing up... My DM is one of these "love me, love my mess" types... And I've always hated that attitude.
I've spent the first week of my maternity leave nesting, and my house is sparkling (and a bit bleachy )... My friend came over yesterday and was laughing about how it will look like a Chinese laundry / graveyard for brightly coloured plastic crap within a fortnight, and I'll forget what flash wipes are even for.
My MIL and colleagues have a similar view and I even got a little "please excuse the mess, my children are making memories" sign when I left work. I hate it!
AIBU to think it's lazy? Or AIB a dreamer? Or what tips do people have for keeping a clean house and a baby?

OP posts:

Shesinfashion · 26/02/2016 15:08

My 7 year old is much much messier than she ever was as a baby. It gets worse.

Moomintroll85 · 26/02/2016 15:17

It depends on your baby and situation, as well as your priorities. I had a rough c-section recovery and was ill for a while when DS was born, could barely do anything, DP was working long hours and we were both zombified from lack of sleep so the place was a shithole. As he got a bit older it was easier to keep the place ticking over and and to a reasonably clean standard. He's a toddler now so its tidiest when he's in bed

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 26/02/2016 15:22

When I had my first baby it was easy to keep the place tidy. Second was still easy. Third that had colic and was up till after three am every night then I was up at seven with my three and eight year old was a lot harder. its only since my three year old started nursery and I'm now a sahm as db has started working abroad regularly that I'm back to having it as tidy as I like before that I was always stressed that it wasn't up to my standards.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 26/02/2016 15:24

But just to add everyone's experience is different because everyone's babies are different so no one can predict.

BackforGood · 26/02/2016 15:41

YABU to call people lazy because they have different priorities from you.

YANBU to keep your home in a pristine condition if that is still a priority to you once your baby arrives.

Original poster

princesspineapple · 26/02/2016 15:53

I can't remember if I said this already... But I don't go to round anyone's house and judge them as lazy! I know that some babies can be incredibly hard work and time consuming. I'm not actually mean.
If my baby is colicky or a crier or (as someone put it upthread a boob fiend) then I won't be leaving it on a playmat to scream saying "sorry darling mummy needs to vacuum under the bed"
I find it lazy to just assume all hope of tidiness is lost before the baby is even here. Like a get out clause for the housework.
Thank you again for all the tips on keeping things reasonable, and the hope it is possible (baby dependent!). Also... I can't remember who said about baby groups but I promise not to join a clique and start slagging off other mums!

OP posts:

ThisOneSeemsNice · 26/02/2016 15:57

It's perfectly possible. I've no idea why for some people it's so hard

I don't want to sound like a smug knob but I agree with this.

We have a toddler and a primary schooler and both work full time. Our house is always tidy and clean.

I don't bleach the skirting boards every other day or anything, but all the laundry, floors, beds, bathroom, washing up is always done. I don't have a cleaner either (although I absolutely would if I could afford it.)

The key to staying on top of it is for DH to do 50% and to have plenty of storage.

NuzzleandScratch · 26/02/2016 16:08

I think as others have said, if it matters to you, then you'll find a way of doing it. It's like everyone says when you have a new baby, you won't have time to wash your hair or put decent clothes on. Well I can honestly say I never succumbed to a greasy barnet when I had either of my dc, I don't feel right without clean hair, so I just did it! Obviously you have to cut yourself some slack, and allow yourself time to rest, but maintaining some degree of normality I found to be possible.

TattyDevine · 26/02/2016 16:10

You can have a tidy clean house and a baby. I did, mainly because my babies were very settled and happy about being plonked on a mat for a while and that kind of thing, so there was plenty of time to get it done and there's a lot to be said for keeping on top of it, in that it's less work in the long run if you can.

If I had a collicky baby, a non sleeper, or whatever, I would have let it slip and that would have been fine, but I didn't, so there was no need to.

I find it more of a struggle to keep things nice now they are 6 and 8, and can fix their own snacks, rip off their own socks, piss not quite in the toilet etc...yes there are less toys at this age but I do feel I'm on at them a fair bit about their slovenly habits.

But the annoying thing is people telling you how it will be. I had all sorts of people telling me how it would be when I was expecting. They were just about all wrong in just about every aspect. People telling me I'd have a loose fanny and piss when I sneezed...I don't. That I'd live in a tip...I don't. That I'd get no sleep for 3 years...I did. I got more sleep after the baby was born than I did in the final stages of pregnancy. IGNORE!

CultureSucksDownWords · 26/02/2016 16:11

"I've no idea why for some people it's so hard"

ThisOneSeemsNice can you see that in some women's circumstances, doing so in the first few weeks to months might actually not be possible? E.g. recovering from birth injuries/c-sections etc?

Also, people's circumstances differ e.g. not everyone has a DP/DH to do 50%. Some DP/DH will work excessively long hours and therefore aren't physically present to do housework etc etc.

JosephBrodsky · 26/02/2016 16:22

I know that some babies can be incredibly hard work and time consuming. I'm not actually mean. If my baby is colicky or a crier or (as someone put it upthread a boob fiend) then I won't be leaving it on a playmat to scream saying "sorry darling mummy needs to vacuum under the bed" I find it lazy to just assume all hope of tidiness is lost before the baby is even here. Like a get out clause for the housework.

But Princess, housework is not some high moral endeavour. It's not compulsory like death! You don't need the alibi of a colicky, high-needs baby to give you a 'get out clause' for housework. Do it or don't do it as you see fit!

You obviously want to do it, so there's no reason not to, but people who don't prioritise domestic cleanliness, whether or not they have high-needs babies, aren't 'lazy', they're just prioritising other things. It doesn't make them any worse or better than people who want to live in 'show homes'.

bigbuttons · 26/02/2016 16:29

Actually princess please do come back and tell us about your feelings on housework once the baby is here.
Who knows, you might be one of those women who come back here and post threads how cringeworthy their pre baby ideals were. You know, the ones where they said the baby wouldn't interrupt or change their lives and would have to fit in with the adult routine.

BackforGood · 26/02/2016 16:32

Well put Joseph - excellent post.

StrawberryMouse · 26/02/2016 16:45

It's doable if that's what floats your boat.

I don't live in a show home but it's usually presentable. It's all about priorities I think. Although it sounds awful, when everything necessary in terms of dc, dh, work, family etc is done, I tend to put more effort into my fitness than the house. I would prioritise a trip to the gym over cleaning out the spare room for example. Although DH has a building company and we have lived in various building sites over the years so perhaps the houseproud thing has just been knocked out of me.

ThisOneSeemsNice · 26/02/2016 16:53

ThisOneSeemsNice can you see that in some women's circumstances, doing so in the first few weeks to months might actually not be possible? E.g. recovering from birth injuries/c-sections etc?

Yeah I get it. I had a horrendous birth injury actually that took a year to sort out.

Sorry I can't check the name of the PP who was right when they said it was possible to have washed hair and not live in pjs.

That was my experience too. I didn't have an especially easy time. DP does his fair share but no family nearby or anything.

But I don't understand it when women say they didn't get dressed for a month or have a shower for days.

I just used to take DD in the bathroom with me in her bouncy chair so she could watch me shower. Sometimes she objected loudly but it was only ten minutes.

And yes, granted I wore a lot of Lycra but I still got dressed and put on a bit of concealer and lip gloss every day before I stuck a wash on.

Depends what your priorities are and what you can be arsed to do really.

Let the chores go to hell if you want. The only point of my post was to say yes, it's possible to have a baby (and a birth injury!) and stay on top of the basics with not an awful lot of effort.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 26/02/2016 17:12

This reminds me of the day after I got home with my 2nd baby. I had showered, tidied up and even had some make up on but had put pyjamas bottoms on to be comfy. I answered the door to my mum and she said 'you're not dressed, are you depressed?' I felt it then.

fiorentina · 26/02/2016 17:27

It's perfectly doable to keep the house clean and tidy. Keep on top of the washing and cleaning, tidy up as you go along and it's not an issue but at times I wished it didn't bother me as much so I could have chilled out a bit more!

CultureSucksDownWords · 26/02/2016 18:02

Ah well, I must just have been lazy and slovenly then.

Although, I always showered and got dressed in the morning before DP went to work. Are yoga trousers acceptable or do they count as pyjama-type trousers?

But certainly for the first few weeks my ability to bend, turn and lift was very restricted and I really couldn't do too much beyond looking after the baby. Plus I was trying to establish breastfeeding after a crappy start with DS in SCBU, so if I wasn't directly feeding him I was expressing as much as I could. There's no way I would have prioritised tidying and cleaning over that, sorry.

ThisOneSeemsNice · 26/02/2016 18:40

A DS just out of SCBU is an exceptional circumstance IMO. In that situation, emptying the dishwasher and folding laundry can go fuck itself.

kiki22 · 26/02/2016 19:53

Totally possible might not be quite as clean as you like but you can keep on top. I think you need to really want to keep up the housework sometimes at the expense of me time or sleep it depends what's important to you really.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/02/2016 21:42

Being flexible in your thinking is a good skill to have as a parent, I think.

SquidgeyMidgey · 26/02/2016 21:49

Depends how much your baby sleeps. Most of us, without cleaners, get by with a little clutter but nothing Kim and Aggie would be called in for. There is no need for your home to become a total shit tip just because you've had a baby (unless you're ill etc). Don't worry about what hadn't happened, you will find a routine and get by.

Hurrayitsnotdark · 26/02/2016 22:00

Of course you can. I've 3 children and have always had a spotless house. Of course it gets a bit messy during the day but it's always tidy when we leave the house and at night and always has been. If you're intrinsically a tidy person you will just keep tidy naturally

steppedonlego · 27/02/2016 05:06

I was the complete opposite. When I was pregnant I was completely laid back about housework, as long as it was clean, some mess didn't bother me at all, but as I live in a small two bedroom, having my DD and all her bits and pieces disorganised drove me absolutely crazy. Invested in some good storage furniture, and that problem was solved, but then she got mobile, and suddenly all the things that were just a little messy were dangerous or choking hazards etc. Now I'm surprised at how houseproud I am. I like to think my flat is homely (I have lots of photos up on walls, nicely decorated etc) but its definately organised and tidy. I probably spend about an hour a day on housework.

Tallulahoola · 27/02/2016 05:44

Like everyone says, it depends on your baby and whether he/she a) wails the second you put them down and b) sleeps enough at night to stop you being a complete wreck during the day.

My DD (now 3 months) is quite happy sitting in his bouncy chair watching me wash up or whatever, so I do get bits done. But I also find that I have a choice to make every time he naps - am I going to spend that hour cleaning or having a sit down with a cup of tea or having a conversation with the gas board that would be tricky when he's awake because he might start bawling.

But it is achievable at the small baby stage if it's really important to you. When you have a toddler you've got no chance though

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