To want a clean house and a baby?

[princesspineapple]

I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby... And a bit houseproud. Is it possible to keep your house nice when you have a baby?
Our house was always a bombsite when I was growing up... My DM is one of these "love me, love my mess" types... And I've always hated that attitude.
I've spent the first week of my maternity leave nesting, and my house is sparkling (and a bit bleachy )... My friend came over yesterday and was laughing about how it will look like a Chinese laundry / graveyard for brightly coloured plastic crap within a fortnight, and I'll forget what flash wipes are even for.
My MIL and colleagues have a similar view and I even got a little "please excuse the mess, my children are making memories" sign when I left work. I hate it!
AIBU to think it's lazy? Or AIB a dreamer? Or what tips do people have for keeping a clean house and a baby?

Of course it's possible, you just need to be super organised and strict. if you clean regularly, you don't need more than a couple of hours a day.

If you have other children, you will find time to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, do school run, shop, give them a bath, help with homework, play with them. There's no reason why you can't find the same time with a baby.

It's harder to put your first one down because you feel guilty if they cry.

With toddlers, you start to have toys everywhere, but that's all, and whilst they are playing you clean something else.

I have seen a few mums with babies who didn't want to clean the house, but had time to do their nails, put make-up on, watch tv, meet for coffee. It's a matter of priorities.

it also depends how much time your DC spend in the house - if they're out at childcare doing messy projects elsewhere, it's not that hard, but if they're at home making fake snow that gets everywhere or lots of glitter and glue crafts then easier. babies can't make that much mess especially before self-feeding but toddlers and older ones...my dog makes more mess than either DC though!

Depends on the baby. My DD is 4 weeks old, last week my house was pretty tidy as she was sleeping for large stretches and happy to be put down. This week she is fussy, needing lots of cuddles, crying and not settling when she dozes off and I try to pop her in her Moses basket. Haven't managed to have breakfast yet and it's midday, funnily enough the house has seen better days! However I usually get the kitchen sorted at some point during the afternoon.

Depends on the baby- mine is clingy, won't nap in cot and cries after 5mins if I put him down. It was easier to keep on top of house when he was newborn as he slept a lot. 6months in and I struggle to keep on top of the laundry let alone cleaning.

I do some jobs with him in carrier (eg vacuuming) but anything involving chemicals or dust I avoid.

I used to be very house proud but simply couldn't keep on top of things and it was getting me down. I was sick of spending all my time off cleaning while DH held baby and didn't have the energy or time for heavy jobs. So we booked a deep-clean and a fortnightly cleaner. Brilliant solution! House is now clean and tidy and I have more time to spend with baby.

if you clean regularly, you don't need more than a couple of hours a day

I clearly live in a different world than most people, the idea of a couple of hours a day housework...

It depends on how you recover from the birth, and what kind of birth you had. It is really off to say a messy house is a result of laziness. Some women will have had c-sections, and may have issues with their recovery. I could barely get out of bed or up from a chair without assistance in the early days. I couldn't walk upstairs whilst carrying anything, I couldn't get to grips with a sling as a result of the c-section wound and recovery as well. I also had a constantly weeping c-section wound which wouldn't heal, and needed the dressing changed several times a day.

Add to that I had a clingy baby who wasn't too keen on sleep, so I spent a lot of time with him asleep on me. But perhaps a different woman might have been able to power through that and clean & tidy, where I was just being downright lazy...

It got better after about 3 or 4 months when I was not feeling so much like I'd be hit and run over by a truck, and when my DS would go longer between feeds and sleep for longer chunks at night.

Unhygienic and untidy are totally different things. I also hate the lovely mumsy mums have messy houses attitude too. Just keep on top of it but don't best yourself up when other things take priority.

And Congratulations!

A couple of hours a day does sound like a lot! DP works away and until this week I was out of the house for 11 hours a day, so I think it was really easy to keep clean as we're never here to make mess!
I suppose as PPs have said, it depends on your idea of mess... A few cups on the side I can deal with, but it's the idea that everything has to stop that I can't bear to think about!

This was where I went wrong, I wanted to be supermum, I wanted my house as I left it going to the hospital all fresh and clean and tidy. My house was like a bomb site the week I came home with baby, between people coming and going constantly-with a present in tow, I slowly built up unwanted clutter that drove me insane, if I wasn't feeding/changing baby I was trying to clean or get a wash on. I did this for two weeks and realised I wasn't giving myself a chance to recover or enjoy my beautiful little baby. When people tell you to leave the house work(within reason), take this advice, later on you'll have lots of time to catch up on it.

In the first few weeks / months if you have a needy baby then your housework might take a bit of a nosedive. But essentially it's still only you and your partner making a mess.

I thought my house was a mess when I had one small child. Now I have three small children I know what a really messy house is like. I do my best, I do clean and tidy constantly but in reality it's not going to be like it was.

I try and keep most things that are visible as neat and tidy as I can. But things like hoovering under beds? Hoovering my curtains (I actually used to do this)? Nah.

Beat! Beat not best!

Thurlow

I don't live in a sterile house, but I don't really clean more than that, even with kids and dogs, and, apart from 30mn tidying up before bedtime, it's all done before we live the house in the morning.
How many hours do you think I should spend?

"if you clean regularly, you don't need more than a couple of hours a day"

There were points where I didn't have a couple of hours of sleep in a day...

Sorry OP, that sounds hugely negative, it's not always like that.

I just mean that there are absolutely times when you're unable to keep on too of things even if it was the most important thing in your life...but mostly it's a case of you manage to do enough so that the important jobs are done, but there will be points where you end up with toys all over the place or some non urgent bit of cleaning gets put off till another day, but it's fine because you're sort of on top of it mostly.

I have a baby, a toddler and a lovely clean house. It is possible.

lily I think that may end up as my solution too... If baby is really needy then I can't see another way around it!
Just to point out to a few people as well... I don't go to someone's messy house and judge them as lazy! I know that some situations don't lend themselves to a clean house... But the attitude that as soon as you have a baby it automatically goes to pot and there's nothing you can do, I think that's lazy.

Cats, I meant I can't imagine what takes a couple of hours a day to do...

My house is clean and tidy but I can't really take credit as we have a cleaner. Means sacrifices in other areas but is very much worth it.

Sometimes it's nice just to spend time cuddling rather than pottering :)

I think it's easier in some ways with a baby than toddler (who are whirl-winds of destruction). However I also wanted a 'tidy' house when DD was born. She was however a bloody awful sleeper and I was regularly only getting an hour or two's sleep a day, and yet if I did manage to get her to sleep I was regularly seen cleaning rather than napping. In hindsight I think that 'perfectionism' and refusal to give myself a break pushed me towards PND, and I would have been better off having a nap.

I think the key thing is to encourage children to be tidy whilst they're tots - make it the same routine as brushing teeth twice a day.

To say someone with a spotless house has their priorities wrong isn't fair - the only time this statement rings true is if you're putting really important things aside for the sake of a tidy home. For example, a good friend of mine won't let her six year old son do an extra karate class because Thursday evening at 7 is downstairs polishing time

Honestly, the saying ''my children will remember me for the fun times and not my house condition'' IS true, but there is more to your life then what revolves around chilldren (although of course they're the centre of your world).

As a PP has said, people with young children and tidy houses don't necessarily have their priorities wrong - for them, they may get more pleasure from having a tidy house then watching a TV series etc.

I've got 4dc ( 3under3) and I think it's possible to keep a clean house even with toddlers and baby but there are def days when the house is a mess with toys / a stack of dishes and I don't have the time till the evening. However some babies are very needy and I can certainly see how some may struggle to juggle kids and cleaning. My solutions are:

No clutter - makes cleaning a doddle as less to tidy away first

One storage box for toys in Lounge - at end of day everything gets chucked in there and lid closed.

I have a routine I like to stick to and try and clean upstairs before we even come downstairs in the morning

It depends on what sort of baby you get. And later on how much time you want to spend doing rather than playing, and what sort of children you have (mine would trash play in one room whilst I cleaned another. And whether you prioritise a really, really complex traintrack complete with lego town or a clear floor at the end of each day.

Hi OP
Ive got a couple if friends who were super clean and tidy and it didn't change at all with babies and infants

It sounds like you're naturally the sort who will be fine only doing changes in bathroom or baby room

Other than that, they only had one baby toy in lounge e.g gym mat

Then as toddlers, they made the toddlers pick a couple of toys to have in the lounge and there was a designated box fir the toys when not in use
Toys go back to bedroom at bedtime

They also got cross when people told them mess was inevitable, if you're naturally tidy I'm sure it will be fine.

One of the babies never stopped crying but as her parents said, she's crying all the time anyway so doing housework with one arm while you hold her with the other made no difference to baby but did result in a tidy house!

I hate the "the best Mums have messy homes" idea that pervades Facebook.

On the other hand I would caution you to resist making public declarations about how life will be post baby because quite frankly right now you have no idea.

As others have said - it depends on the baby and it also depends on how well you are.

We have twins and when they were new norms I literally spent my days either breastfeeding or changing nappies. My DH made be breakfast before he left for work and left me a sandwich for lunch in the fridge otherwise I couldn't find time to eat. Once my DH came home in the evening I did laundry while he made the dinner and player with the babies. I had to go to bed at 9pm after their evening feed because that was the only way I could guarantee 3 hours sleep in a row.

My house was clean and tidy during that period only because my wonderful parents came once a week to help.

However that said once the children got to about 7 months I was able to get most of the housework done during the day.

My DH and I both work long hours but even with two children between us we manage to keep a large house clean and tidy (we don't have a cleaner ) and have plenty of time with our children.

In summary, it's perfectly possible in the long term but don't set yourself up for a fall and be careful about calling new parents 'lazy'.

You may find that when the baby arrives your priorities shift, and if that happens, go with it ...
You want to be happy with your choices. The worst option is to have a needy baby, be sleep deprived and feel rough and de-energised and still be concerned about cleaning the house. Make the choices that allow you to feel that you are savouring newborn time with your little one without feeling guilty. I am OCD about my house and I found having a newborn sent me into a spin - I couldn't control the baby (obviously!!) so became even more obsessive about cleaning. Not good.
The baby does not care about the state of the house. The baby cares about having you around, and relatively unstressed. Similarly, if your house was uncleaned for 6 months you could rectify all the damage in a blitz weekend. You will never have those 6 months with your baby again.

I think what I've found over the years (with having 3 children) is that some things you were very opinionated about before get less important to you. I was always adamant I couldn't drink coffee unless it was made in a specific way, I couldn't drink water out of mugs, and I couldn't eat potatoes if they had the little growth things cut off and then cooked. Now, I would do all those things. I am too tired, and have my my mind too full of other things and priorities to care so much. This has happened gradually over a 10 year period, but I am sure you will start chilling out. OTOH, my BIL and SIL are a bit like you and their 2 kids are never allowed to paint, have ANY lego (it's too messy) and have a teeny, tiny play area (about 1m x 1.5m) which is their space 'to make a mess in'. Poor little mites.

I think with 1 child/ 1 baby you will be fine. But do please try and take the opinions a notch or 2 so your kids can be kids and have a bit of fun, get dirty in the mud, play properly and generally have a childhood.