To ask you to make an important life decision for me, because I GIVE UP.

[IdBuyThatForADollar]

Honestly, I'm a ball of terrible anxiety. I don't know what to do.

Current situation:

Me:
Live 45 min commute from work - horrible journey with motorway driving. Costs me £50 a week to get to work. Work is in countryside.
Live on outskirts of London with a tiny house with a London price tag.
Work PT to be around for DD as has significant emotional issues
Spiraling debt as can't afford to live
Have a lovely DP who currently lives with us, but is struggling to earn much and I no longer make life plans based on the idea that relationships are for life (I know that sounds horrible, but my priorities are my DD and me).

DD(10)
Hates her school and wants to leave. Y5 so due to start secondary school next Sept. All schools locally are either selective academically/private or recently converted academies with brutal discipline regimes
Has some (ongoing diagnosis) SEN (probable ASD/PDA) and anxiety issues

We live about 10 mins from my parents, 1 min from one close set of friends and 10 mins from another close set and 25 mins from my sister and her DP.

My house is about to go on the market.

If I sell and move, to a lovely market town, I will:

Cut my commute to 15mins
Have better (and free) school choices for my DD with better SEN provision and better pastoral care
Have a bigger house
Clear my debt
Be approx £600 a month better off (1/4 of my take home pay)
Not live in London anymore
Be on a train line that goes to my parents/sister/friends
Live about a 40min drive from parents/friends and still a 25 min drive (other way) from my sister

I think I want to move. But I keep thinking about that 40mins - am I being very ridiculous? It's not far really is it? I am just so used to be very close to all the best people I know and I will miss them dreadfully. I feel quite distressed when I think about it.

Yet. I can't go on. I can't sustain the cost of living. I wake up at 3am with the cold sweats on when I think about my debt. I can't see a way out other than this. Another job locally to where I am now would be longer hours and probably less money. I can't remortgage this house as they won't take my now reduced income as enough for a mortgage, but if I move and sell I can buy a bigger house more cheaply with a reduced mortgage.

I want my DD to go to a school that will be a better fit for her than anything available locally. She is on the edge of all sorts of issues (food refusal, self-harm, crushing anxiety). She wants to move. She'd like more space and she likes the school she would be in the catchment area for.

Logic says go, as does some of my heart. I think it would be better for my DD long term. I'm ok with my own company if my relationship was to end. I would not have to worry about money anymore. I'd get an hour of hideous commute back a day. It all stacks up, but today I just feel unutterably sad at the thought.

Am I terribly self-indulgent? Am I hormonal? WWYD?

Sorry, should have clarified, train was a PITA to my parents because neither end was near a station. Was a 20-30 minute walk my side, then a taxi at the other end. If we were near stations, I'd take the train now rather than drive.

Do it, debt is no joke. And you can use the internet to keep in touch with people as well as visit.
And if it doesnt work out you can make another change.

Think how much less stressful your life will be with no debt.

Go!!!!

Live for today, not tomorrow!

I did it 10 years ago and have not regretted it one tiny little bit.
I love village life.
You already commute 45 minutes so what is a 40 minute journey less often going to add? Nothing at all.
My mum and dad are 40 minutes away but it's no issue at all.
I have friends who then moved away a bit as well.
We still have good girlie get togethers at each others locations.
It is so so worth it.
Don't even give it another thought.
It's gonna be great!

Yes - Ungoogleable - those are the sorts of things I'd miss, but I guess we'd just have to get organised rather than things happening organically

Absolutely, yes you can and you will still have plenty of time with your friends and family. However, I'll be honest with you there are some times where things do still happen organically and I miss out. That's inevitable but at the end of the day it's a handful of times, and I could join in more if I was prepared to travel.

You will see your DD thrive - it will be worth it just for that.

Change is scary, what you're feeling is totally normal.

Go!!
We decided to move about an hour and a half away from parents and were really worried about it but it's not actually that bad and we've had some amazing quality time with them since moving as we usually spend days together rather than a quick half hour pop in type visit xx

Go. I'm also a country mouse, and 40 minutes to visit someone is nothing

Go! 40 mins is less than you do twice a day currently to get to work!

I moved when my OH was offered a job somewhere else.

• I am very close with my extended family, we are not cousins, we are partners in crime, we kept in touch regularly, and support each other very much... Via Facebook.
• I have a coffee at least once a week with my best friend from uni, we talk about life, children upbringing, dreams or whatever. We do it while she has lunch and I am preparing dinner... On the phone.

• I meet with a very old friend every Friday, we have these fantastic conversations...

over Skype.

All the people above live several thousand miles away from me, and it has been the same for almost 20 years. They are still as close to me as they were when we lived in the same city (we are now all spread over 3 continents), even when we only see each other, face to face, every few years.

Having this long distance support has been a god send as a divorced mum. I can't go out much as I have a child to care for and bills to pay in my own, but Ivthink my social life is quite active nonetheless.

On any given day, I have fun at work with my colleagues, and from time to time get a longish break at lunch to keep in touch with each other, over a cup of coffee. With time some have become such good friends that if I have to go to hospital in the middle of the night, I know they will be there for me no matter what (as I am for them).

Is doable, you should go, but you have to work hard in getting a local network of support in your new place. So, be friendly with the neighbours, if they know who you are, they watch over you (even if you don't notice) I even have a mystery neighbour that prunes my hedge from time to time :-))

Move

It does sound as though everything points to a move but just a word of caution regarding a school place for DD. You would be in catchment for a better school but would that guarantee a place for DD? It wouldn't here. And if DD transfers to secondary school in Sept 2016, places at schools will have been allocated on 1 March, so before you can move? You could still apply for a place, of course, and then appeal if you don't get a place but better to investigate this now rather thane be taken by surprise after you have gone through the stress of the move.

Can I ask where the market town is. am also looking for a nice affordable place to move too

I'm already excited for you.

Go! Do it, 40 mins is easy and you can still phone every day if you need to chat.
No brainer really x

Oscar - DD is Y5 so will go to secondary in Sept 2017 not this Sept, otherwise you'd be quite right and I'd be feeling very stressed about that already!!

We went to view a house today and I'm very, very tempted by it. It's pretty much exactly what we need and my house goes on the market on Monday. I'm doing some hard thinking this evening, which is a bit much for a Sat.

I am in a very similar situation and currently looking for a house closer to work, my situation isn't even as favourable as you, I'm moving to a more expensive area so will have to increase mortgage and will need to pay for childcare, however I'll gain two hours a day by not commuting. I think it's a no brainer to be honest and can't believe you are having any doubts. Xx