Honestly, I'm a ball of terrible anxiety. I don't know what to do.
Current situation:
Me:
Live 45 min commute from work - horrible journey with motorway driving. Costs me £50 a week to get to work. Work is in countryside.
Live on outskirts of London with a tiny house with a London price tag.
Work PT to be around for DD as has significant emotional issues
Spiraling debt as can't afford to live
Have a lovely DP who currently lives with us, but is struggling to earn much and I no longer make life plans based on the idea that relationships are for life (I know that sounds horrible, but my priorities are my DD and me).
DD(10)
Hates her school and wants to leave. Y5 so due to start secondary school next Sept. All schools locally are either selective academically/private or recently converted academies with brutal discipline regimes
Has some (ongoing diagnosis) SEN (probable ASD/PDA) and anxiety issues
We live about 10 mins from my parents, 1 min from one close set of friends and 10 mins from another close set and 25 mins from my sister and her DP.
My house is about to go on the market.
If I sell and move, to a lovely market town, I will:
Cut my commute to 15mins
Have better (and free) school choices for my DD with better SEN provision and better pastoral care
Have a bigger house
Clear my debt
Be approx £600 a month better off (1/4 of my take home pay)
Not live in London anymore
Be on a train line that goes to my parents/sister/friends
Live about a 40min drive from parents/friends and still a 25 min drive (other way) from my sister
I think I want to move. But I keep thinking about that 40mins - am I being very ridiculous? It's not far really is it? I am just so used to be very close to all the best people I know and I will miss them dreadfully. I feel quite distressed when I think about it.
Yet. I can't go on. I can't sustain the cost of living. I wake up at 3am with the cold sweats on when I think about my debt. I can't see a way out other than this. Another job locally to where I am now would be longer hours and probably less money. I can't remortgage this house as they won't take my now reduced income as enough for a mortgage, but if I move and sell I can buy a bigger house more cheaply with a reduced mortgage.
I want my DD to go to a school that will be a better fit for her than anything available locally. She is on the edge of all sorts of issues (food refusal, self-harm, crushing anxiety). She wants to move. She'd like more space and she likes the school she would be in the catchment area for.
Logic says go, as does some of my heart. I think it would be better for my DD long term. I'm ok with my own company if my relationship was to end. I would not have to worry about money anymore. I'd get an hour of hideous commute back a day. It all stacks up, but today I just feel unutterably sad at the thought.
Am I terribly self-indulgent? Am I hormonal? WWYD?