Oh shit. How much trouble am I in??!

[ribbitrabbitribbit]

My parents have gone away on a cruise for 3 weeks. Left last Thursday and asked me to housesit and to look after DSis who was 18 2 weeks ago.

My parents said she could have a party last Friday night (yeah, cheers for that one ). I wasnt told anything about it until last Wednesday evening. Mum said it would be max 10 friends and she agreed they could drink but the rules were no spirits and no smoking indoors (both me and DSis smoke but we know to smoke outside or in the garage)

Anyway DSis and me went to the supermarket last Thursday and brought some beer and cider and alcopops. Set some extra ground rules: anyone carrying alcohol on the way into the party would be turned away, I would be checking on them all every so often and if anything iffy was happening I would be pulling the plug straight away. And I set a curfew to have everyone apart from her 2 best friends to be out by 1am.

It is worth pointing out here that DSis has friends varying in age from about 14-25. She does some volunteering, has a part time job and goes to college so has friends from those places.

DSis and everyone turned up at the house about 7.30pm. Everything seemed fine. Nobody turned up with extra alcohol (to my knowledge at the time). There was an extra 4 people but I let it go.

About 8.30 and I was cooking some pizzas in the kitchen. 2 girls came in and
asked where they needed to go to smoke and I pointed them in the right direction. Didnt pay much attention to them tbh as the beeper went on the oven and I was trying to Skype my DP at the time.

Took the pizzas in and all was OK until about 10pm when DSis came in and said one of her friends had been sick behind the sofa and was drunk. Cleaned her up and took her upstairs and put her to bed in Dsis bed where shefell asleep. I asked Dsis if she knew her Mums number- her phone had a passcode on it so I couldnt get in to to get the number. DSis just ensured me that the girl was just a bit of a lightweight and had got carried away.

I told her it was time to wrap things up. Went into the lounge to find they had smuggled bottles of vodka and tequila in and had been doing shots (I had gone into the louge to get the girl but they had hidden the evidence behind the other sofa) and that they had been smoking out of the window of the lounge. Kicked everyone out and told them that if they came back id be calling the police to escort them all home to their parents which funnily enough got rid of them all. DSis told ne later they had hidden the bottles under the hedge and when the two girls went out to smoke they brought it in

I was furious with DSis and told her that aside from college, work and her volunteering she wouldnt be lesving the house until she was my parents reaponsibilty again and that id be taking her and collecting her. Ive managed to confiscate her bank card and I know she doesnt have any cash so shd cant get anywhere without me anyway.

Let the girl stay the night who I then dropped off the next day. She insisted I dropped her at the corner of the street, but I drove her to the front door. She let herself in and there were no cars about so her parents musnt of been in.

Anyway all was OK until today when I got a phone call from the girls mother. It turns out she is only 14, had never had alcohol before and had been told by their DD she was just going to a sleepover at a different friends house.

Theyve said they are ringing the police for supplying alcohol to a minor and that they will be making my employer aware. I explained the situation (that I was DSis, Mum gave permission for the party and the alcohol and gave us the money to pay for it.) but they didnt care. The girl was incredibly hungover and apparantly told her parents everything

Im shitting myself. Im furious. If i get a criminal record, a warning even, I will more than likely loose my job. DSis is remorseful but it isnt good enough. Ive sent her to stay with my grandparents for the remainder of my parents trip who are uncontactable as they are on a cruise and obviously cant get phone signal in the middle of the Atlantic. This will be the case until Sunday.

Ummm... you can drink alcohol at the age of 5 in the UK? WTF?

Only at home and on private premises. Hardly anyone does though, I've never known anyone to give their 5 year old an alcoholic drink at all.

As much of a pain in the arse your sister is, you can't take away her bank card. Surely that's akin to stealing? No wonder she acts up. I agree that maybe your sister's 'tight leash' is probably a bit too tight (of course that's down to your parents, not you), which is causing her to act recklessly when she does get a bit of freedom. As a teenager I had a similar friend, she had a mum who was super strict, her mum also went away on holiday for weeks at a time, leaving her and her older and younger siblings (eldest 'in charge'). Naturally this didn't end well, she once had a house party which got out of hand, the event ended up on Facebook and a loads of kids from our school turned up uninvited, one of which attempted to steal her brothers bike. There were at least 50 people there, it was madness.

There is no way you are responsible for knowing the ages of every person in that house. Why would you even think that your Dsis would even HAVE a friend who was only 14 let alone decide that it was a good idea to invite her to a party and get her drunk?

You are old enough to buy alcohol legally. You did not give it to anyone except your sister who is also old enough to legally buy alcohol. It is legal to drink alcohol in a private dwellling anyway so even if you had given it to her there is still no crime.

Don't worry OP there is no way you can be charged for anything. The police will smile and nod and ignore the mum if she calls them.

Seems to me that you were very responsible. You heard of the problem. You cleaned the girl up, you made sure she was ok, You put her to bed and you dropped her at her door the next day. If that was my teen I'd be bloody grateful and thankful to you tbh for looking after her after her poor judgement and making sure she got back to me safely.

I am also in the camp of let your Dsis make her own mistakes though tbh. She is 18 and no one needs to be "responsible" for her except her. The tight leash from parents is likely why you ended up in this mess. You are right to look out for her but you need to let her make her own fuck ups or she will resent you for being "another parent".

I firmly believe that EVERYONE needs someone they can call if they fuck up who will not judge them but will pick them up help them out and treat them with kindness. You can be this for her and it may well be exactly what she needs. Someone to say "well that was stupid wasn't it?" but to follow it with "but don't worry it's ok. I may be super pissed off but you know what I love you so let's deal with it and learn from it then we don't end up back here again."

Regardless LeaLander she is an adult. In the eyes of the law and society. One adult person cannot deprive another adult person of possessions and freedom. Even if the OP would happily figuratively strangle her, she cannot remove something or stop her from moving around. This is the basis of a free society.

Why on earth does the mother think this has anything whatsoever to do with your employer. Does she honestly think theyll be interested

Hi OP - Criminal barrister here.

You have not committed any offence relating to a 14 year old.

However taking a bank card from an adult could be considered stealing if the police form the view you aren't intending to give it back. Likewise, "grounding" an adult could also be interpreted as false imprisonment, which is a crime.

Obviously this is all very unlikely to result in charges, but your sister is now an adult and as such you need to treat her as one.

It is no wonder your DS does not behave responsibly if her family treats her like a child.

Agree the mother of the 14 yr old lashing out due to shock and guilt and talking out her backside!

As to your sister, omg she's 18! At 18 I was left at home when my parents were away for weekends/holidays in charge of my 15 yr old sister!

I agree with pps saying she is being treated as if she's much younger than she is and is rebelling/acting accordingly! Argue with her, tell her you're angry and disappointed etc but you can't take her bank card and 'ground' her! She's an adult!

I blame the parents who boggered off on holiday saying the 18 yo could have a party. What could possibly go wrong?

You will not get in any trouble. I think you're pretty mean trying to contact your parents on their holiday, it's not like they can do anything.

Think you need to lighten up on your sister, she's not a child!

Do the girl's parents actually know who your employer is? Though I doubt they'd care as you did nothing illegal.

Does your dsis have developmental issues? I am quite shocked at your attitude with regards to 'babysitting' her. Maybe because at 18 I was living in a flat share. The thought of someone babysitting me or checking my friends for alcohol is beyond ridiculous to me.

Then again I didn't have 14 year old friends at 18 which is why I ask.

I had a similar situation with my DD when she was 15, came home paralytic drunk from a "friends" house. The police were very much interested as they were cracking down on the supply of alcohol to minors.

However, the difference was that this person bought the alcohol on my DD's behalf and allowed her and a few of her friends to drink it in his house. Then when i contacted DD didn't allow her to stay there while i went to pick her up.

The upshot was that DD made a statement and this person was "spoken to" and that was it.

In your situation, YOU didn't provide the girl with the alcohol, either she bought it (and in that case the shop will be liable and the police will be VERY inerested) or someone else at the party bought it.

The reason i involved the police wasn't actually to get the other person into trouble, rather to put the fear of bejaysus into DD. It worked!

It sounds like yoru sister was taken advantage of by some of her "friends" - hopefully this will be a life lesson for her, some people are cunts. Don't be too hard on her x

"The oly reason I have taken DSis bank card and "grounded" her is because I cant deal with anymore of her shit."

So stop it, give her back her bank card that you've stolen and leave her alone.

Maybe, if you are worried about your work. Just bring the party up in casual conversation, how badly the kids were, about some bringing alcohol and hiding it without your knowledge, and about the 14 y.o getting wasted.
If, the parents do anything, work will know the truth.

So presumably the angry mother owns a body scanner to check all teens entering her house!? It's impossible to check them so thoroughly they could have bought nothing in to a party - I knew a girl with really big tits who used to hide a flask of spirits in her padded bra when we went clubbing. Even security pat downs didn't spot that!

You are Not responsible and you should not be in trouble

Their kid and their Fucking fault -

Unbelievable ! Can't imagine my parents pulling this one when I was a teen

I do think your sister needs to fess up though -

Nightmare and try not to worry

They are twats

Queen yes, technically we can, but alcohol is not very taboo in the UK. At my DC's large Public boarding school the sixth form pupils (so ages 16 to 18) have a recreation room bar which serves beer and weak wine (no spirits though). They are permitted to drink only on Friday and Saturday evenings after dinner time and are not allowed to get drunk (serious offence if you do). At the school formal dinners they would automatically be served one glass of wine / champagne. That is quite common for schools of that sort AFAIK.

In France it's very common to offer children of perhaps 7 years old upwards watered down wine at mealtimes. I was always offered ever time we had wine, which was a lot, but probably only accepted twice as a child! Also, when the family purchased a particularly expensive wine or champagne I was invited to taste it to help build appreciation for good wines. Fat lot of good that did - I hate wine and only ever buy plonk for cooking with!

In Italy I believe it's legal to drink in a bar from age 14?

You are not in trouble. If anything, your sister, officially an adult at the time of the party, would be.

And frankly, the mum is taking the piss. If my mum had caught me when I was stinking drunk at 14 (but in parties where every guest had the same age, not this dodgy mix of young teen and adults), I would be the one on the rack, not the parents. I would have been grounded, punished, and worst, nagged to death, but she would have expected me to be responsible enough not to drink (not that I was). She would not expect the parents or elder sister to police me.

Your sister is 18, the whole situation seems ridiculous. I can't believe you have grounded her and taken her card. I have a feeling she acts that way because she is babied by you and your parents. Also, what would telling your parents achieve, apart from potentially ruining the rest of their trip? Stop worrying, you can't be responsible for your sister, she's an adult. I can however see how you're pissed off, your parents probably shouldn't have put you in this position.

If the 14yo told her parents she was going to a sleepover when actually attending a party which ended at 1/2am where was she planning on sleeping?!

I did some pretty stupid things at 18 and was accountable for all of them whether at home or once I'd left. You shouldn't 'punish' an adult - but she should be doing some serious thinking about inviting a young teenager to a party, letting her get that drunk and then covering up for her. It's a good job she wasn't seriously ill if that was indeed her first experience of alcohol (and even if it wasn't it sounds like she was in a pretty bad way). I can understand why the mum is raging but her anger is misdirected, sounds like you prepared and reacted entirely appropriately OP.

You did your level best to keep it under control. Your parents should never have put you in this situation. If they wanted her to have a party they should have supervised it themselves not buggered off on a cruise. You are not to blame.

I don't really see how you are to blame in any of this.
Your parents obviously still treat your sister as a child and don't want her left alone and ask you to look after her. So you do, which is nice of you.
You also agree to 'chaperone' a party at their request. Which is nice of you.
More people turned up but you let them stay, so that was also nice of you.
One of them got pissed and threw up on the carpet. You cleaned the carpet and them up and put them to bed. That was nice of you.
You then dropped the girl back home. That was nice of you.
Now her parents want to get the police involved? Because they didn't check what their 14 year old was doing. The 14 year old who went into somebody else's house, got drunk on alcohol they shouldn't have been drinking, then damaged that house. The 14 year old who then seemingly wanted to hide that fact from their parents (drop me off at the corner), but then got found out so tried to shift the blame.
Fuck that.
I'd have said, sure get the police involved, she came into my house, got drunk and damaged the property.

not read all the thread just the op... my daughter wanted a party when she turned 18. and i said no because like your sis she has friends that are younger and older so i have said she can have a 21st party that way its likely her mates will be over 18 as well.

my daughter had a thing with drink a few years back. well lost track of time but she was under age. had never drank before. had god knows what in the ark with friends. then there was a roumour going about that someone had sex with her whilst she was drunk and not in control of things. we did speak to the gp about it. she told us it was very unlikely that had happend. and spoke to dd about drinking and why its not safe etc.

im not really sure it was fair you were put in the situation of an 18 year old having a party.

ribbitrabbitribbit sorry you're stressing so much, we've all been in similar situations... Chalk it up to experience and once it all blows over please don't let it impact your life too much. You sound lovely, responsible and level-headed. The girls themselves chose to experiment, you've done nothing wrong. Hopefully you and your sis will be looking back and laughing at this in the future