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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Oh shit. How much trouble am I in??!

127 replies

ribbitrabbitribbit · 25/02/2016 17:51

My parents have gone away on a cruise for 3 weeks. Left last Thursday and asked me to housesit and to look after DSis who was 18 2 weeks ago.

My parents said she could have a party last Friday night (yeah, cheers for that one Hmm). I wasnt told anything about it until last Wednesday evening. Mum said it would be max 10 friends and she agreed they could drink but the rules were no spirits and no smoking indoors (both me and DSis smoke but we know to smoke outside or in the garage)

Anyway DSis and me went to the supermarket last Thursday and brought some beer and cider and alcopops. Set some extra ground rules: anyone carrying alcohol on the way into the party would be turned away, I would be checking on them all every so often and if anything iffy was happening I would be pulling the plug straight away. And I set a curfew to have everyone apart from her 2 best friends to be out by 1am.

It is worth pointing out here that DSis has friends varying in age from about 14-25. She does some volunteering, has a part time job and goes to college so has friends from those places.

DSis and everyone turned up at the house about 7.30pm. Everything seemed fine. Nobody turned up with extra alcohol (to my knowledge at the time). There was an extra 4 people but I let it go.

About 8.30 and I was cooking some pizzas in the kitchen. 2 girls came in and
asked where they needed to go to smoke and I pointed them in the right direction. Didnt pay much attention to them tbh as the beeper went on the oven and I was trying to Skype my DP at the time.

Took the pizzas in and all was OK until about 10pm when DSis came in and said one of her friends had been sick behind the sofa and was drunk. Cleaned her up and took her upstairs and put her to bed in Dsis bed where shefell asleep. I asked Dsis if she knew her Mums number- her phone had a passcode on it so I couldnt get in to to get the number. DSis just ensured me that the girl was just a bit of a lightweight and had got carried away.

I told her it was time to wrap things up. Went into the lounge to find they had smuggled bottles of vodka and tequila in and had been doing shots (I had gone into the louge to get the girl but they had hidden the evidence behind the other sofa) and that they had been smoking out of the window of the lounge. Kicked everyone out and told them that if they came back id be calling the police to escort them all home to their parents which funnily enough got rid of them all. DSis told ne later they had hidden the bottles under the hedge and when the two girls went out to smoke they brought it in

I was furious with DSis and told her that aside from college, work and her volunteering she wouldnt be lesving the house until she was my parents reaponsibilty again and that id be taking her and collecting her. Ive managed to confiscate her bank card and I know she doesnt have any cash so shd cant get anywhere without me anyway.

Let the girl stay the night who I then dropped off the next day. She insisted I dropped her at the corner of the street, but I drove her to the front door. She let herself in and there were no cars about so her parents musnt of been in.

Anyway all was OK until today when I got a phone call from the girls mother. It turns out she is only 14, had never had alcohol before and had been told by their DD she was just going to a sleepover at a different friends house.

Theyve said they are ringing the police for supplying alcohol to a minor and that they will be making my employer aware. I explained the situation (that I was DSis, Mum gave permission for the party and the alcohol and gave us the money to pay for it.) but they didnt care. The girl was incredibly hungover and apparantly told her parents everything

Im shitting myself. Im furious. If i get a criminal record, a warning even, I will more than likely loose my job. DSis is remorseful but it isnt good enough. Ive sent her to stay with my grandparents for the remainder of my parents trip who are uncontactable as they are on a cruise and obviously cant get phone signal in the middle of the Atlantic. This will be the case until Sunday.

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 25/02/2016 19:00

I think the girls mum has been watching too much Judge Judy and doesnt realise the alcohol laws are different in theUK.
Does the girls mum actually know who you work for?

A few other points,as has been mentioned before, the mum let the lass go to a sleepover without checking where and who would be there.
Neither you nor your sister have broken any UK law.

It was not you or your sister who supplied the spirits.

It was not your party but your adult sister's , technically you just happened to be in the house.

imwithspud · 25/02/2016 19:02

You won't get in trouble, the parents are deflecting. I doubt they will go to the police, they're just mad that their 14 year old duped them.

I think you're being harsh on your sister, taking her bank card is drastic. She's 18! That's plenty old enough to be responsible for herself and not 'punished' as if she's the 14 year old in the situation.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/02/2016 19:05

I wouldn't tell your parents by the way, it won't achieve anything and may well spoil their holiday. It'll keep until they get home.

LuluJakey1 · 25/02/2016 19:09

There is no criminal offence here Stop worrying about it. What do they think it has to do with your employer? The police will be uninterested and tell them politely to go away. You have done nothing wrong- you went above and beyond in terms of trying to stop them (when it wasn't your responsibility anyway), then you looked after their daughter (you didn't need to), cleaned up her vomit (eww!) and drove her home. They should be thanking you - ungrateful gits!

Keep the screws on your sister and make sure your parents know what she did.

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2016 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SevenOfNineTrue · 25/02/2016 19:17

OP are you in the UK?

nooddsocksforme · 25/02/2016 19:24

I agree with other posters. I would not have allowed the dcs at 14 to go on a sleepover without phoning the mum of the person they were staying with and if I knew the parents were not going to be there I wouldn't have allowed them to go. For that reason I don't think the mum will call the police-she might have some questions to answer too

Defnotsupergirl · 25/02/2016 19:25

Hang on and hold fire...... You've grounded and taken a bank card off an adult!

Please give your sister her card back and start apologising for presuming to restrict her freedom.

After this, your sister was the host- not you. She is not a child and the authorities will see her as an adult and the responsible person if anyone.

Lalsy · 25/02/2016 19:28

I don't think you have done anything wrong.

I think your sister - as an adult - needs to think harder about socialising with such an age range at an (adult-type) party, especially when they are not a close knit group. I have teens of 19 and 16 - this arrangement would have worried me. Kids will do daft things if adults are around because they think they are safe or want to impress, these adults may not have wanted that responsibility and I can't really see any good reason for a 14 yo to be drinking with 25 yos anyway, even assuming the adults are all nice and sensible. My dc have socialised with a range of ages because of an activity they are both involved in but they tend to do something like paintballing and the older ones then peel off to the pub.

Defnotsupergirl · 25/02/2016 19:30

Theoretically you sister would be the one who could be the one to make a complaint against you for depriving her of her possession and freedom.....

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 25/02/2016 19:33

This passing the buck for responsibility makes me livid!

My 3 never went anywhere without me finding out which adults would be present and what were the rules for alchohol.
If I didn't get a phone number and address, they didn't go - I nearly always did.
I used to phone in front of them and they squirmed but it made them concentrate on what could go wrong.

I only stopped one going somewhere once.
A whole year group (120) of 14 year olds were given the run of a HOTEL for the night with supervision by one set of grandparents who would be 'closeby'
in an annexe Shock

We had loads of big parties at our house and only one parent ever phoned me to find out what the deal was.

The first big one, eldest's 15th was a bloody riot - we learned a lot of lessons.
Had the booze in the hedge as in the OP and lots more.
One boy passed out and we couldn't wake him up.
Called his parents, they did both come straight away, with his sister.
The mother said to me that he was 'allergic' to alchohol and if she'd known it was available she would have forbidden him.

She was not the parent who phoned me. She didn't ask anything.

After that we had 'bouncers' from older year groups who knew all the tricks Grin

Sorry to ramble OP, agree with the PPs, not your fault. You were just being a nice sister and daughter.
I'm sure there will be no repercussions on you but your sister needs to wise up a bit.

CornishDoll82 · 25/02/2016 19:34

I'm amused by the thought of someone ringing my boss to tell them a girl got drunk at my parent's house when my sister was having a party and expecting them to give a flying fuck!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 25/02/2016 19:35

*repercussions for you

ribbitrabbitribbit · 25/02/2016 19:37

Sorry all wasnt posting and running- ive been to the supermarket.

Yes we are in the UK. The oly reason I have taken DSis bank card and "grounded" her is because I cant deal with anymore of her shit. I was fuming with her and I don't see why I should deal with it tbh. My parents do keep her on a tight leesh and she clearly thought she could use this as an excuse to "rebel". Wrong. I dont have the patience to dea with any more shit from her. Maybe harsh/wrong but true. Yes she is an adult (just) but she is known for making stupid decisions. Im only 23 myself. GPs are backing me on this who are equally as furious as will my parents.

OP posts:
Defnotsupergirl · 25/02/2016 19:41

I understand OP but your parents, grandparents etc all don't have a say anymore. She is now an adult, even if she's the biggest PITA going, you cannot remove her belongings or restrict what she does or where she goes.

queenofthepirates · 25/02/2016 19:45

Ummm... you can drink alcohol at the age of 5 in the UK? WTF?

Why would I want to give my 5yo booze? They're lairy enough as it is.

RabbitSaysWoof · 25/02/2016 19:47

I had to scroll back up to read her age again when you said you grounded her. Your opinion of her maturity is irrelevant she is an adult.
I think you should give her property back.

forumdonkey · 25/02/2016 19:49

I agree with Defnotsupergirl. Maybe if she was treated like an adult (your dsis btw) maybe she'd be more inclined to act like one.

CubicZirconiaBossyBabe · 25/02/2016 19:50

sounds like there's no point in her being responsible. She's already labelled as irresponsible she may as well have fun with it!

LeaLeander · 25/02/2016 19:51

I would be enraged that your parents gave her permission to have a party on your watch. Does she have drinking parties in the house when they are home?

Kudos to you for restricting her; she may be legally an adult but clearly she doesn't have good judgment - she's an ill-behaved teen. I wouldn't want responsibility either.

As to the police, if they do get in touch you might point out that the 14-year-old's parents - who do know her age, unlike you - were the ones who let her out of their sight that night. And your sister was the host of the party.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 25/02/2016 19:59

Grin Cornish

roundaboutthetown · 25/02/2016 20:05

You didn't supply the alcohol the girl got drunk on, anyway, OP - she smuggled it in from where she had hidden it under the hedge.

Frusso · 25/02/2016 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobberClobber · 25/02/2016 20:14

I don't think you need to be assuming such responsibility for your 18 year old sister. By confiscating bank cards and effectively grounding her, you are saying that you are in charge of her and are responsible for her.

I am the eldest of three girls. By the time any us were old enough to do ill advised teenage things, we looked out for each other, counselled each other and called each other dicks if we took it too far. We didn't discipline each other.

Also, that mum is mad and I would just ignore her. I think that's what the police will be doing.

Phalenopsisgirl · 25/02/2016 20:15

Queen of the Pirates- I drank at 5, I was always allowed a little watered down wine with dinner if my parents were having some, plus a snowball at nye- woo hoo 😀. Op- this really isn't your problem, the parents allowed their dd to spend the night away without knowing where or with who....anyway who didn't do this at 14? Everyone has to find out just what happens when you consume spirits at speed at some point, the parents should be grateful that she sicked up in your lounge not theirs! They should be apologising to you!

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