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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I totally know I'm being unreasonable about next door

53 replies

AJ279 · 25/02/2016 12:43

But I've put it in AIBU because people will probably tell me I'm being unreasonable anyway.

Next door neighbours moved in a few months ago, and now they are having a new kitchen fitted. For a week now we've had banging and drilling and hammering 7.30am-4.30pm. We live in 2 bed new build so the houses are small and there are no rooms in the house which aren't attached to their house, same for them.

Now this is the unreasonable bit, in my head, I feel like they could have at least forewarned me, they know I have a 5 month old and that I'm home all day. She won't nap because of the noise and since it started I've been thinking I should maybe go over to my mums and wait it out there- but I don't know how long they're going to be at it and I'd much rather be in my own house so I can binge eat and have the heating up. I don't at all resent the fact they are having the work done, that would be stupid.

I suppose what I want to know is, if you were having extensive work carried out which would be very noisy and ongoing, would you give your neighbour a heads up, at least tell them how long you think it would last?

I think I would, but then we've always let them know even if we are having a party and to tell us if we were disrupting them at all.

I just want my baby to sleep and to be able to hear myself think

OP posts:

Diddlydokey · 25/02/2016 12:46

They probably didn't think that you'd be home all day or they're just getting payback for being disturbed at night by your baby for the last 5 months

Pretendingtobe31 · 25/02/2016 12:47

YANBU

When we had a small amount of work done, we told our neighbours and kept checking in with them. We told them it was going to run long, and we took them chocolates at the end. They were grateful for the updates and even more grateful of the chocolates!

fuzzywuzzy · 25/02/2016 12:47

Can you knock and ask how much longer it's going to go on for, so you can work out some sort of plan (& also there's an end in sight for you).

Other than that you have my sympathies.

blueturtle6 · 25/02/2016 12:48

Yanbu, I have always told neighbour, pity they didn't reciprocate....

wrapsuperstar · 25/02/2016 12:49

I think it's polite to give neighbours a heads up. We've just had new people move in next door -- not even had an opportunity to say hello (they're not living here yet but are popping in sporadically to do work) and they haven't made any mention of the noise they're making or the fact that they keep parking across our garden path. Kind of concerned it's a sign of things to come from them, really.

TeaBelle · 25/02/2016 12:50

We mentioned our significant work to our neighbours as the lady has dementia and we didn't want them worrying. I probably wouldn't if they were younger/not aware of health issues

Original poster

AJ279 · 25/02/2016 12:51

Diddly the thing is when they moved in I went round and introduced myself and apologised for the crying- they had no idea I had a baby. Could be payback for the dog barking

Fuzzy they've gone out, probably just to get away from the noise! I could ask the contractors I suppose though!!

Really did expect to be told i was being vvvvvvv U. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's just polite!!

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2016 12:53

The problem with informing neighbours about things is that it can give the neighbours the idea that they have a say in what is being done.

I would have put renovating a kitchen in reasonable neighbour noise.

Dont forget you will get your turn when your DD is a toddler out in the garden running around and screaming her head off! If your neighbours make any sort of comment then just remind them that what goes around comes around.

cranberryx · 25/02/2016 12:54

I would go over and ask them how long the work is going to take so you can make a decision to go to your mums.

No problem saying that you would like notice in future as you are at home all day with baby and he can't sleep. It might take some time to find a polite way to say that, so it doesn't get their backs up.

Quinoa20 · 25/02/2016 12:54

We are currently having a new roof installed. We prewarned our neighbours that it was going to happen about a month ago and when we were notified on Tuesday evening that the weather was finally good enough for it to be started on yesterday we put notes through the doors of both next door neighbours thanking them in advance for their patience.

We will take them gifts when it has been done.

So no, YANBU.

pippistrelle · 25/02/2016 12:54

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, but then I would say that as we're in the middle of major building work. That said, we did warn our neighbour - and not just because the law required us to (party wall). She didn't last year when she had extensive renovations done that took from May until September. It was a pain (and the work is UGLY)and the noise and dust made it difficult to have windows open or to use the garden all through the summer, but they worked during reasonable hours (as is the case with your neighbour), so it's just part and parcel of having neighbours, I'm afraid.

And if it's a pain for you, then it's even more so for your neighbour, so consider that it comes with built in punishment for them.

oldjacksscrote · 25/02/2016 12:57

It's usually just good manners to warn your neighbours but it wouldn't change the situation you're in.

Our neighbours warned us of a couple of weeks building works they planned. Ended up being a couple of months and we frequently had a garden full of scaffolders (who could see me breastfeeding) and debris. Our poor upstairs neighbour had the scaffolding almost touching her bathroom window and was completely overlooked by builders for the duration. Rented so nothing we could do but be very British and suffer in silence.

Katedotness1963 · 25/02/2016 12:57

It's a bloody nightmare isn't it? We've been in this house three years...first year the people behind us built an extension, it took all summer! I was going mad. Second year...next door built a shed. It must be some special kind of shed because it took 6 weeks!! On day they hammered boards on it for 13 hours...13 effing hours. I cried for about five of them. Last year it was the house in front...greenhouse and garage. I'm dreading this summer.

Lurkedforever1 · 25/02/2016 12:59

I think it's polite, but not rude not to mention it. Especially as I'm guessing they're v busy sorting out new house & old house and quite possibly haven't had time for the usual niceties. And if they aren't living there yet, they may not realise how easily the noise carries between the houses.

Original poster

AJ279 · 25/02/2016 13:01

Kate that sounds horrific!!

Thing is I don't mind that they are having it done, but just got a bee in my bonnet because I would have at least let them know if it was us.

Everyone who said about giving their neighbours gifts- if I pm you my address will you come move next door to me? I'll send you a list of my preferred chocolates

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 25/02/2016 13:02

I posted a similar thing just over a year ago about my new neighbours. Funnily enough, I was told I was unreasonable and that being forewarned wouldn't have made any difference about the noise level and disturbance.

Cornettoninja · 25/02/2016 13:04

Yanbu to be privately annoyed but keep it lighthearted and civil with them. Asking how long it's expected to take so you can look for ways to manage your baby's naps is perfectly reasonable.

Have they got kids? Pre DD I would have been patting myself on the back for keeping it to office hours, naps wouldn't even have featured on my radar to consider.

You do have my utter sympathy though, we're in a tiny two bed terraced and next door spent 6 months renovating their house - weekends and evenings around their jobs. Perfectly reasonable really but bloody annoying when you can't get away from it. I don't feel to bad when dd has a screeching episode now!

Original poster

AJ279 · 25/02/2016 13:04

Oh god a works van just stopped outside the house and I ran to the window to check they weren't over our drive. I'm not even going out.

OP posts:

whatevva · 25/02/2016 13:08

13 hours...13 effing hours

One day, my neighbour took the garage roof off at 7am with his builder friends, then stood on top of the garage sawing wood with a huge electric saw bench thing until 7.30pm. The rest of the build was not much better . At least when you are paying builders, they knock off at 3.30pm.

Original poster

AJ279 · 25/02/2016 13:10

Whatevva I think I'd have a breakdown with 13 hours!

OP posts:

whatevva · 25/02/2016 13:21

No - it was the view up the shorts during Sunday lunch that nearly finished me off .

I always meant to mow the lawn regularly and 8pm when they had children, but it turned out I was not that mean.

bakeoffcake · 25/02/2016 13:29

Yanbu

The are being extremely rude in not informing you of the work.

I'd go round and just ask politely how much longer the work is going to last. I would mention that baby can't nap so you're thinking of going to stay with your mum.
It might make them a bit more considerate in future.

FoolsAndJesters · 25/02/2016 13:31

I think it's nice to tell your neighbours. However They might have not realised how noisy it would be because it's 'indoors' work.

If your dog is a barker then they might be quietly pissed off with you.

tbtc20 · 25/02/2016 13:33

My neighbour knew I was expecting our first child, who arrived bang on time. She choose the week he was born to have all her doors and windows replaced. It was only a 3 day job but she didn't tell me and as a retired woman on her own I'm pretty sure she had quite some flexibility as to when to get them done. She's of course fully entitled to do it when she wishes, but if she'd simply have told me it would have made the world of difference.

The baby was fine, I wasn't. I got so worked up and upset I went round and burst into tears on her door step, whereupon she took me in and gave me a cuppa and comforted me!

We ended up moving in with the ILs for nearly a week while I had a bad case of baby blues so maybe it all worked out well in the end.

Greengardenpixie · 25/02/2016 13:35

They could have let you know, especially with a baby. Dont go round. It will create bad feeling regardless. Just endure it. I am sure it wont last long.

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