I totally know I'm being unreasonable about next door

[AJ279]

But I've put it in AIBU because people will probably tell me I'm being unreasonable anyway.

Next door neighbours moved in a few months ago, and now they are having a new kitchen fitted. For a week now we've had banging and drilling and hammering 7.30am-4.30pm. We live in 2 bed new build so the houses are small and there are no rooms in the house which aren't attached to their house, same for them.

Now this is the unreasonable bit, in my head, I feel like they could have at least forewarned me, they know I have a 5 month old and that I'm home all day. She won't nap because of the noise and since it started I've been thinking I should maybe go over to my mums and wait it out there- but I don't know how long they're going to be at it and I'd much rather be in my own house so I can binge eat and have the heating up. I don't at all resent the fact they are having the work done, that would be stupid.

I suppose what I want to know is, if you were having extensive work carried out which would be very noisy and ongoing, would you give your neighbour a heads up, at least tell them how long you think it would last?

I think I would, but then we've always let them know even if we are having a party and to tell us if we were disrupting them at all.

I just want my baby to sleep and to be able to hear myself think

I think you're being unreasonable, sorry. I don't think there's a particular need to warn neighbours about noise just because they have a baby. It's in the daytime, you can expect noise during the day. Also, look at it from their perspective, if they speak to you beforehand they might think that they're in danger of coming across as asking your permission, or opening things up for you to complain and demand that the work be done over fewer hours or later in the year, or something, which is probably not something they'd be willing to consider.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to tell you - it's just a quick knock on the door, after all. I always let my neighbours know when I'm having work done, and when I had my house insulated, I also bought either side a bottle of wine because it was extremely noisy for a couple of days and they were amazingly patient considering. But I fear many people don't bother these days.

I would have a letter ready on the side, wait until they come back in the car, and then accidentally on purpose doorstep them as they are going in. "Oh hello! How are you? How's the kitchen coming on? It'll be so lovely, you must be so excited about it! When will the work finish - do you know?"

That way, you find out what's going on without creating any bad feeling - and you can make a call on whether to go to your mother's house or not!

YABU. Realistically, at what other times could the work be done?

I work from home and next door are forever having work done, but it's not their issue that I work from home, just as its not your neighbour's issue that you're at home with a baby.

Go out. You dont have to be at home all day everyday, and if it's just a kitchen it's not going to go on indefinitely.

YANBU new neighbour at our old house (obviously fed up with Xmas) decided, (this was before they moved in), to rip out the bathroom and knock down the dividing wall between the bathroom and the toilet. We were enjoying a family meal up to that point.
Same neighbour, had builders with pneumatic drills breaking up his patio when the DT's were 6 weeks old, they screamed all day with the noise! Had I had any warning I would have taken them round to my sisters for the day, but it was too late by then as dsis and family had gone out for the day!

We now live in a detached house!

I would just pop round and ask the contractors. They'll either um and ah and not want to say or it might all be about to be finished.

They may or may not tell the owners of the house that you asked. Doesn't matter either way much. On one hand they might think 'oh, we should have told our neighbor, on the other they wont give a hoot. So no change

Does your dog bark a lot though OP. That is annoying.

I had twins on 29th August. On 30th September the work started next door and lasted until March. I got out as much as I could, and comforted myself with the knowledge that they couldn't complain about the DTs screaming in the night. They're absolutely within their rights to work during the day and there are no noise restrictions until quite late on in the evening. I got through it, and even manage to have a good ongoing relationship with the next door neighbour (who now have a daughter of their own, and I realise they would definitely have heard the girls crying at night).

Derail, but wrapsuperstar you don't live in a town beginning with B, on a road also beginning with B do you?! I'm having a panic your new sporadically visiting thoughtless neighbours might be us. If we are I'm really sorry. We're normally quite thoughtful, honest!

As to whether it's rude, I wonder if it might depend what sort of place you live. I wouldn't have any expectation of a neighbour telling me anything and wouldn't judge them rude not to.

I see you say you went round and introduced yourself when they moved in: that would be filed under 'a bit odd' round here where, although there is a hard core of long term residents, there are also a lot who come and go in quite short order. I've lived here a long time and I'm not really beyond the 'good morning' stage with any of my neighbours. (And I like it that way...) But if you live in a small town or village (as I used to), it's probably different.

What soveholly says sounds like a good way of sounding them out. Then you can plan accordingly.

Hopefully the worst of the banging should be over by the end of the week. Our kitchen was a couple of weeks, but the first week was the worst. Hope they don't work Sundays

I am laughing here at some posters re work being done when you have a baby! Entitled much?!

To the poster who said the retired woman probably planned her windows being fitted when your baby was born really? When would the best time have been? When you were heavily pregnant and needing rest? Never...

Op those are standard working hours for workmen it's only been a week too do not like they're overrunning, by all means complain but expect to get a head tilt and "oh really?" Which would be my response to you.

YANBU. Simple manners just to let you know. Considering the houses are attached. That's simply being polite. It's bloody hard I know. If they've got contractors in and the neighbours are out whilst work is going on they're probably blissfully unaware of the way it's making you feel. I would ask contractors or I'd depends on what your neighbours are like to ask them directly. No point in falling out with them over it. I would start to go out to your moms. Take your munch needed binge food with you and put your feet up there. At least your daughter will nap comfortably.

Fingers crossed this won't be for much longer and who knows you may get a box of decent chocolates when it's finished!!!!

Having fairly recently had building work including a new kitchen (yes we told the neighbours) I'm wondering how they're managing such noisy work for so long. I was in with toddler all through and the noise wasn't an issue. People wandering through our house with the doors open with 8" of snow outside was much more difficult to deal with.
The noisiest bit was having the old kitchen ripped out, and that only took a couple of hours.

And when we had the windows done it was certainly not a case of choose your date. We were given a better deal for going at a particular time.
Might get the other half done at some point, which would be great to be able to open our bedroom one without it coming off the hinges.

super I actually get on very well with my neighbour.

I like to think that if I knew my neighbour was expecting her first baby I would arrange major work for before the baby was born and in any case I would certainly let them know.

I worked full time until a week or so before the birth. I was out all day.
My baby was a few days old...she could have waited just a couple of weeks. I don't think that's entitled, I think that would be kind.

To be fair this can't take much longer can it?

I live in a four bed with a large dining kitchen. Half a day to take old kitchen and appliances out and 2 full days for walls to be chased for new electrics and all carcasses and cupboard doors on and appliances installed. Final half day for granite tops.

Are they fitting it themselves? I would put ear plugs in and think it will all be over tomorrow ......hopefully

Hopefully it won't be too much longer! To the posters who have said its standard working hours etc- I'm not expecting anything else, I don't expect permission to be sought nor do I think they should work it round me at all. Just a bit of notice would have been nice, I wouldn't complain and I won't say anything to them- they're quite within their rights to have work done. Just that I would have let them know if it was us.

I think my main issue is that most of the work is being done to the wall that connects to our house so it's a constant loud noise throughout the whole house.

I have no idea how a kitchen takes that long they're only tiny, but I do suspect that it wouldn't bother me as much if I wasn't sleep deprived and grumpy

My poor next door neighbour has got the other half of her semi doing building work - which has been going on since JUNE! I can hear the drilling, banging, crashing etc. not once have the neighbours apologised,explained or said anything at all regarding the work. I think if you live in an environment where your works may disrupt/inconvenience others, then it is polite to just let people know what is happening. But maybe I am just old fashioned! In my book, YANBU.

Our ex neighbour was a DIY freak I'm sorry but I think it was totally unreasonable to be knocking down walls on Xmas day!

We were doing some renovations (knocking a wall down, new kitchen, general DIY). We let the neighbours know in advance, then when we had a date and then took a box of biscuits round to say thanks for putting up with it once it was done. Just common courtesy really.

As others have said, just ask how much longer it'll be.

I think it's only polite to mention it to neighbours who are going to be affected. When we had work done (extension built and then new kitchen fitted), we took a bottle of wine round to the neighbour as his home office was just over the fence from the extension. He was fine about it, but it made us feel less guilty about the fact that the work went on a bit longer than planned.

I'm currently listening to the second week of the hammering of a kitchen renovation next door, despite being 3 floors up I can still hear it. 39 weeks pregnant and a bit grouchy. Can't really complain though, as I'm stopping in my FIL house while our house is undergoing major renovations, and I've just had to tell our builder off as we found out he's been working very late at night and annoying our new neighbours!

We always let our neighbours know if we are having any work done. The one lot tells us, the other never tells us. They also don't clean up their mess that comes over our front path , door and windows and they leave the pavement outside our and their house covered in plaster/shavings etc .

Definitely not unreasonable to expect a 'heads up' before the work began nor an indication of how long it might go on (and then add about half the time again because these things always seem to go on for much longer than the owners are told)

We had major renovation work done on two occasions and always told neighbours as much info as we could - just common courtesy. What was unreasonable was when one set came over to abuse us for 'waking them up' at 9am one morning with the noise and insisting that because the wife was feeling poorly that day, we should ask the workmen to stop completely until she felt better!

They complained about dirt from the works being visible at the front of their property despite us getting the workmen to sweep their (pretty clean!) driveway every day before leaving. They moaned when the slightest overhang of a worktruck came onto the edge of their driveway, despite not using it during the working day and us giving them the workmen's mobile numbers so if they wanted, the workmen would move their vehicle entirely. They complained that the work was taking too long but then asked Saturday work to stop (despite them being away for 50% of the weekends each month due to family commitments elsewhere). Frequently when one of us got home from work (as we usually arrived later in the evening than they did) they would rush up to the car and literally shout at us about something when we were walking to the front door.

These are the same people who left festering bags of rubbish in our common alleyway for weeks on end. Also the same people who, when they first moved in, were complaining they had to move because they used to have horrible 'unreasonable' neighbours!!

It isnt nice
I had building working for 10months across the road which done my head in. I felt sorry for next door.

I would give my neighbours the courtesy of knowing how long the work would go on for. I've been on the receiving end of neighbour's renovations with a baby at home and it nearly sent me over the edge especially as it was winter and I couldn't just go outside to get away from it.