Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to go back to work early because I'm so miserable on maternity leave.

44 replies

havingamadmoment · 21/02/2016 14:16

My dd is 4 months old she is dc6. The whole thing from the birth to know has been a nightmare and I am so miserable , I just can't face another few months of this. People have suggested that I see my gp about it but tbh I already take citalopram plus I don't know if it's a doctor thing or just a very odd me thing (I am well known for having wildly fluctuating moods!).

Aibu to go back now ? Just to escape this?

OP posts:
wickedwaterwitch · 21/02/2016 14:17

Do it! I was so relieved when I started working again after dd, she was 4 months old.

ssd · 21/02/2016 14:18

do it. do what suits you and your family. no one else matters.

IamlovedbyG · 21/02/2016 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

almostthirty · 21/02/2016 14:20

Do it ! I went back at 6 months with ds1 (but was tearing my hair out at 5 months) and went at 5 months with ds2. It saved my sanity!

wickedwaterwitch · 21/02/2016 14:21

I remember liking

Adult conversation
Time for a coffee
Intellectual stimulation
Laughing with friends

LilacAndLovely · 21/02/2016 14:22

I think it depends on what you mean by 'this'. What is making you miserable? Lack of sleep? Difficult, crying baby all the time? Lonliness/having no adults to talk to? Feeling uncertain about how to do things with the baby or feeling insecure?

Some of these may not be fixed or may even be made worse by going back to work too soon.

Ameliablue · 21/02/2016 14:22

It depends if it will really help or if it is a way of not dealing with the issues. It is something only you can decide.

SevenSeconds · 21/02/2016 14:22

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone, there's no shame in that.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 21/02/2016 14:23

It's not even time for adult conversation it's just having something to do! My oldest 4 are in full time school dc5 is in nursery and then there's the baby). My jobs don't take me all day or all morning and then I'm just bored. I'm rubbish at entertaining myself! I just miss having a nice big to do list and as I say I have always struggled with anxiety I think extra spare time is not helping.

OP posts:
sandy30 · 21/02/2016 14:24

I felt like this, but found it improved at 6 months when he started crawling and generally became more interactive. However, if you're on DC6, you know the score and then some, so I'd consider returning.

katienana · 21/02/2016 14:24

I think you need to tell us a bit more about your circumstances before anyone can properly advise you about going back to work. If you are feeling low I think a trip to the gp is a good idea whatever you decide to do.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 21/02/2016 14:24

Lilac my baby is a really easy baby I just feel miserable in general.

OP posts:
ChalkHearts · 21/02/2016 14:24

Go back to work! I was back working full time by then after each of my DC and have never regretted it for a second.

ssd · 21/02/2016 14:25

I was a sahm. I couldnt have gone back. But theres no one size fits all. do what makes you happy and if you're happy, your baby will be happy.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 21/02/2016 14:26

Chalk - I was a sahm for 8 years then dh and I started a business and I went to work in it. Dc6 was our very first unplanned pregnancy. Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
havingamadmoment · 21/02/2016 14:28

Katienana- which circumstances I will gladly explain although I might waffle on a bit!

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 21/02/2016 14:37

If you and your partner run a business can you go back on a part time basis to see how it goes? Alternatively are you involved in any school activities which could help you keep occupied?

Batavias · 21/02/2016 14:39

surely you work out something to do that you would enjoy and find fulfilling? Sport? Hanging out with friends? Decorating? Fancy cooking? Whatever it is that makes you tick.

If not, then there is nothing wrong with going back to work if you prefer. Smile

Is there any change of going back part time. I went back after my first part time and loved it. I really felt I got the best of everything.

Batavias · 21/02/2016 14:39

Sorry for the typos

ChalkHearts · 21/02/2016 14:41

Going back to work doesn't mean you love your baby any less.

Nobody expects your husband to stay at home

before maternity pay was increased in the UK most people didn't take a year out.

Do what will make you happiest. Everyone feels guilty. Whether they work or stay at home. So do the thing you want to do the most.

NoMilkNoSugar · 21/02/2016 14:45

Happy Mommy equals happy baby.

Bit cheesy, but true. It doesn't mean you love your baby any less, but you being motivated and fulfilled is a good thing.

Givinguph0pe · 21/02/2016 14:46

My baby is 8 weeks and I'd love to go back now but I only get paid just above minimum wage (ta) so not even sure if I will be able to go back at all as may cost me money to work.
Dd was 6 weeks early so I've had an extended grotty newborn phase. She won't let me put her down, still doesn't smile, has reflux and cries a lot and to be honest I've had enough. The only thing is I'm not getting any sleep so whether I'd manage working I don't know but I sympathise with how you feel.

mmgirish · 21/02/2016 14:58

Do it!

My first maternity leave was 11 weeks and my second was 9 weeks. All was fine and I was relieved to go back.

mrsmortis · 21/02/2016 14:58

There is nothing wrong with going back to work, if that is the right thing for you. You don't need to use the word early by the way. Going back early, would be going back before the recovery period from a c-section was up. Anything else is just down to societies expectations. (I'm speaking as someone who went back on financial grounds when DD2 was 4 months old so I know all about the expectations of society)

However, pnd is a very really illness. I watched my sister suffer. If there is any chance that that is the root cause of what you are going through then I'd highly recommend that you see a doctor. If it isn't then that's a weight off your mind and that in itself might help. If it is then you can get the help you need.

Finally, have you talked to your DP about how you are feeling (assuming he is around)? Even if you are on maternity leave, the baby isn't just your responsibility. She has a daddy too. You need to let him pick up some more of the slack and let you get some more sleep. Remember that depression is exacerbated by tiredness and any parent of a four month old is going to be exhausted.

maydancer · 21/02/2016 15:19

So you take your Dc to school and nursery, and then manage to cook, wash and clean as well as looking after a young baby before it is even lunchtime! You must be superwoman
Seriously, how do you do it?