ISBU re hen party game, or did I mess up?

[fishcake84]

Friend's hen party last night, started late afternoon at one of the party's houses for drinks, nibbles and a few daft games, before going on to town for a meal, drinks, club - the usual.

One of the games which I helped organise was kind of Blind Date - I asked a few pretty harmless questions to her fiancé, the brother and the boyfriend of one of the other girls in the group. Questions along the lines of "where would you take Bride2be on holiday?", "what would your ideal first date be?" - there was nothing overtly sexual or weird. The idea was for her to listen to the responses and pick a "Date" and hopefully it would be her fiancé. We did something similar at my hen party a few years ago.

Anyway, she picked her brother. And went utterly batshit with us all for "making" her do something so disgusting. We all reassured her that it was just a laugh and no one thought she fancied her brother FFS. After a lot of pandering to her from pretty much everyone there, she calmed down and we went out for the night and things seemed ok.

In the club later on and after many drinks she cornered me in the loos a bit and had a go about how I'd made her look like she didn't love her fiancé, or was shallow, or unobservant and various other rants. She also reckons she won't be able to look at her brother knowing he answered the questions. Ugh. As I mentioned before, the questions were totally non-sexual and I actually thought the brother had done quite a good job of revealing who he was in his answers (for a first date he said he would take her home to his parents as he thought she would love them and feel like she'd known them all her life...).

Anyway, I have apologised that she feels that way, reminded her that no one thought she fancied her brother, it was just a silly game, and reminded her we did exactly the same at my hen do (where I picked my friend's dad as my date!) and it had no reflection on her or her relationship.

Anyway, she stayed with her bridesmaid last night who has text me to say she is still in a strop with me, and bridesmaid is a bit baffled by what a big deal she is making of it. BM doesn't think I've done anything wrong. Do you?

If I were a genuine friend, I would be sorry something I had organised caused the upset, even if I thought it was excessive

To be fair, the op said more or less this upthread. She has apologised.

fishcake84 I think the game was a bad idea, and especially including her brother was a bad idea; you did not realise it but in hindsight it was a bad idea. You said sorry, so I would now forget it and move on.

It is clear she overreacted and sadly, we all know, this is a time that may be stressful for some brides to be.

I don't think you need to grovel and I think you need to just move on and so does she. She may even see the funny side of it one day, just not any time soon.

I think it's probably unwise to start throwing names about, PocketSaviour. Presumably if the OP had wanted to identify this person by name she would have included those details in her posts.

Think Sophie isn't a GoT fan

Think Sophie isn't a GoT fan :o

The OP has apologised and does regret that her friend is upset.

Asking here doesn't show that she doesn't respect the friend's upsetness.

She's asking to find out whether she should have expected it - whether this is something that she should have anticipated causing upset.

Think Sophie isn't a GoT fan

Ohhhh.......

And the over reaction of the century goes to...........Fish Cakes friend
. I'm Glad you're not pandering to her anymore. WTF is she The Queen or something.
It was a game, as others have said. She knew her brother was in the mix.
She cornered you in the toilets. I'd have told her to FOTTOSOFO AWSGTFOSM, and to stick her hen night and wedding. Where the sun, don't shine.

Ths is why you shouldn't play these daft games.
Nobody really likes them.

People just want to go out, eat lots of nice food, drink lots and go somewhere they can dance and have a laugh.

Perfect Hen night imo.

There's no need for all that chiildish nonsense.

gruntled the men weren't there, they answered the questions in advance and one of the hens read out the answers for the bride to choose from. OP I think that including the DB in the dates was bloody hilarious and she is pathetic for getting worked up about it. Since when were brides to be treated like special snowflakes on hen nights? The whole point is a bit of ribbing and piss taking!

Sorry, been off for a Sunday roast, mmm!

Right, we have talked, all is well, we are friends - hurray!

Basically she has blamed it on drunkenness, which is fair enough I guess. She reckons she wasn't really paying attention and then all of a sudden when asked to pick a date she couldn't remember which date had said what, so just said a number at random and then was a bit pissed off with us all for laughing and pissed off with herself for not paying attention and making herself look like a tit (her word). She has apologised for cornering me in the loo and admitted she was taking her embarrassment out on me a bit.

All those who think we are terribly immature for these games anyway, what can I say?! We are grown up professionals and on a general night out none of this sort of thing happens. But a hen night is supposed to be a little different to a standard night out so a few daft games were planned. Bride played merrily along with everything we did up until that moment, and as a collective group of her very good friends NONE of us suspected AT ALL that she would be upset. I wouldn't have done it if I thought she'd be upset, she is my friend.

Anyway, all's well that ends well. She thanked me for a great night and for the thoughtful touches me and the other girls had arranged for her etc. And we have arranged a double date dinner for later this week with our other halves. So no lasting damage done.

Brilliant. I love a happy ending.

YANBU. Glad it's all sorted now OP. Perhaps it was a childish game but you know what children do? They have fun! I'd have found it hilarious.

Good that it's sorted out OP. I don't think either of you wbu.

For all those saying it's an over- reaction, the fact that it's different from yours doesn't make it wrong. We react according to our pasts and our current stresses. It's different, not wrong.

^Ths is why you shouldn't play these daft games.
Nobody really likes them.^

I disagree. I enjoy them if they are well done. I know a number of people who just LOVE this kind of game.

Good job we're all different who are these people

The only thing you have done to help your freind was to notice that she was not paying attention and when saying the number she had to pick at the end was to big up her fiance number .
But I was supposed to be laugh .and did matter is she got it wrong.

She needs to chill out!!