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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ISBU re hen party game, or did I mess up?

124 replies

fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:05

Friend's hen party last night, started late afternoon at one of the party's houses for drinks, nibbles and a few daft games, before going on to town for a meal, drinks, club - the usual.

One of the games which I helped organise was kind of Blind Date - I asked a few pretty harmless questions to her fiancé, the brother and the boyfriend of one of the other girls in the group. Questions along the lines of "where would you take Bride2be on holiday?", "what would your ideal first date be?" - there was nothing overtly sexual or weird. The idea was for her to listen to the responses and pick a "Date" and hopefully it would be her fiancé. We did something similar at my hen party a few years ago.

Anyway, she picked her brother. And went utterly batshit with us all for "making" her do something so disgusting. We all reassured her that it was just a laugh and no one thought she fancied her brother FFS. After a lot of pandering to her from pretty much everyone there, she calmed down and we went out for the night and things seemed ok.

In the club later on and after many drinks she cornered me in the loos a bit and had a go about how I'd made her look like she didn't love her fiancé, or was shallow, or unobservant and various other rants. She also reckons she won't be able to look at her brother knowing he answered the questions. Ugh. As I mentioned before, the questions were totally non-sexual and I actually thought the brother had done quite a good job of revealing who he was in his answers (for a first date he said he would take her home to his parents as he thought she would love them and feel like she'd known them all her life...).

Anyway, I have apologised that she feels that way, reminded her that no one thought she fancied her brother, it was just a silly game, and reminded her we did exactly the same at my hen do (where I picked my friend's dad as my date!) and it had no reflection on her or her relationship.

Anyway, she stayed with her bridesmaid last night who has text me to say she is still in a strop with me, and bridesmaid is a bit baffled by what a big deal she is making of it. BM doesn't think I've done anything wrong. Do you?

OP posts:
ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 21/02/2016 11:18

If she knew in advance that her brother was in the mix then I think she is BU. She could have refused to play at all if she didn't like the idea.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 21/02/2016 11:18

YANBU especially as she was aware of the same game being played at your hen do before. She knew who the respondents were however friends dad is fairly different to brother. At least you know for next time if you dare to play this game again

Original poster
fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:19

When she was going a bit batshit about it, there were a few raised eyebrows but mostly people were trying to quickly brush it under the carpet and move on. After all, it was her night and no one wanted her to be upset, so there was a bit of smoothing over and cajoling and moving on.

Perhaps including her Bro wasn't a great idea in hindsight, but I genuinely thought that the questions were innocent enough. His wife was there as part of the hen party and she had thought it was a hilarious idea when I ran it by her. Oh well.

OP posts:
annandale · 21/02/2016 11:19

She knew who they were? Then tbh I would just leave it, she was probably pissed or had had a row with her fiance. Sounds like a great game.

theycallmemellojello · 21/02/2016 11:20

Also the fact that you're saying stuff like this - "so I think she should have paid a teensy bit of attention if she didn't want to pick her brother" - does actually support her point that she's being made out to look like she doesn't know her fiancé well enough or something.

Evabeaversprotege · 21/02/2016 11:21

Are you invited to the wedding?

I think I'd be tempted to contact her today & test the water. I'd certainly not be comfortable attending the wedding of a woman who cornered me in a bathroom & had a tantrum.

Frusso · 21/02/2016 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 11:23

So pleased I don't get invited to hen parties where they play these childish games.

honeyroar · 21/02/2016 11:24

She's being really silly. It was a game, something to laugh about. Not to be taken seriously. You apologised for upsetting her. I'd probably have picked the wrong person too! It makes sense that you'd veer towards a brother really, you've probably been raised with similar ideals. Doesn't mean you fancy then!!

Youarentkiddingme · 21/02/2016 11:26

Is she being a bridezilla overall about the wedding?

I love the idea of that game. And yes, her brothers answers certainly were a bit hint to who he was - but her choosing that males me wonder if she feels insecure in her finances families feeling for her. Because who seriously wants to be taken to a dates parents house and be loved by them immediately Confused

If she brings it again I'd just say sorry she didn't enjoy the game, you loved it when you played but accept she has differing opinions.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 21/02/2016 11:31

DoreenLethal 'headtilt her'? What on earth does that involve?!

Gobbolino6 · 21/02/2016 11:32

It sounds funny, especially as she knew who the three candidates were beforehand.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 21/02/2016 11:32

I can see both sides. I think including her brother was a bit distasteful but as I don't know the personalities involved it's hard to say. I hope you sort it out with her.

timelytess · 21/02/2016 11:33

The game is rubbish but that isn't your fault, as it was played at your event, too. For all you know, she's been up to no good with her brother for years - could have been an abuse situation and you wouldn't have known. Lesson to be learned here is 'don't play silly games'. If we could extend that to 'ban hen parties' I'd be even happier.

Evabeaversprotege · 21/02/2016 11:36

"Up to no good" Hmm really?

If it was an abuse situation that's not the turn of phrase to use.

Original poster
fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:37

Yeah I'm going to the wedding, we've been friends for years and I'm doing a reading for them.

She isn't usually a drama llama. She has been slightly bridezilla but nothing major. I can only assume she was a bit pissed and took it all a bit to heart.

In other people's hen parties we have been to together, she is usually one of the people egging the bride on to do outrageous dares etc so I am genuinely baffled as to her reaction .

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 21/02/2016 11:39

Her brother being in the line up was probably not a good plan, BUT she's also completely over reacting.

And stories like this are why I hate hen parties and wasn't interested in having one.

GabiSolis · 21/02/2016 11:41

Oh dear! OP you did absolutely nothing wrong. It sounds like you've unfortunately pushed the buttons of a hideous bridezilla and she has had a ridiculous overreaction. It's not your fault and I certainly wouldn't be begging for forgiveness. Hopefully if she's a reasonable person outside of the wedding haze then she'll realise she's being a tit and apologise.

DiscoGlitter · 21/02/2016 11:41

She sound unhinged. It was a game FGS, and if she knew one of them was her brother anyway, she's being doubly ridiculous!
You've done nothing wrong, just shake it off and ignore.

M00nUnit · 21/02/2016 11:42

She should be grateful you went to the trouble of organising a (light-hearted, fun) game for HER hen do at all! She's being a cow.

ENormaSnob · 21/02/2016 11:42

She is a nob.

gamerchick · 21/02/2016 11:44

Christ tell her to fuck off and come back when she's over herself. Don't pander to a tantrum ever.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2016 11:46

She doesn't sound old though to be getting married.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2016 11:46

*old ENOUGH

Original poster
fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:51

I don't intend to pander to her more than I already did last night, I've said I'm sorry and I do mean it, even if I think she is overreacting. Of course I wouldn't have wanted to upset one of my oldest and best friends on her hen party on purpose, and I hope she realises that.

But I'll be a monkey's uncle if she thinks I'm going to grovel and prostrate myself before her to get her forgiveness. I'd be so disappointed if this resulted in a permanent change in our friendship as this is such a silly little thing.

OP posts: