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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ISBU re hen party game, or did I mess up?

124 replies

fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:05

Friend's hen party last night, started late afternoon at one of the party's houses for drinks, nibbles and a few daft games, before going on to town for a meal, drinks, club - the usual.

One of the games which I helped organise was kind of Blind Date - I asked a few pretty harmless questions to her fiancé, the brother and the boyfriend of one of the other girls in the group. Questions along the lines of "where would you take Bride2be on holiday?", "what would your ideal first date be?" - there was nothing overtly sexual or weird. The idea was for her to listen to the responses and pick a "Date" and hopefully it would be her fiancé. We did something similar at my hen party a few years ago.

Anyway, she picked her brother. And went utterly batshit with us all for "making" her do something so disgusting. We all reassured her that it was just a laugh and no one thought she fancied her brother FFS. After a lot of pandering to her from pretty much everyone there, she calmed down and we went out for the night and things seemed ok.

In the club later on and after many drinks she cornered me in the loos a bit and had a go about how I'd made her look like she didn't love her fiancé, or was shallow, or unobservant and various other rants. She also reckons she won't be able to look at her brother knowing he answered the questions. Ugh. As I mentioned before, the questions were totally non-sexual and I actually thought the brother had done quite a good job of revealing who he was in his answers (for a first date he said he would take her home to his parents as he thought she would love them and feel like she'd known them all her life...).

Anyway, I have apologised that she feels that way, reminded her that no one thought she fancied her brother, it was just a silly game, and reminded her we did exactly the same at my hen do (where I picked my friend's dad as my date!) and it had no reflection on her or her relationship.

Anyway, she stayed with her bridesmaid last night who has text me to say she is still in a strop with me, and bridesmaid is a bit baffled by what a big deal she is making of it. BM doesn't think I've done anything wrong. Do you?

OP posts:

Youarentkiddingme · 21/02/2016 12:51

Is she just pissed off at you or also at her BD, DF and friends BF for taking part? Is she also pissed off at all the other people enjoying the game?

Because it seems strange to just get annoyed at you personally to the level she has over this p.

Hissy · 21/02/2016 12:54

Id say her flipping out and saying you made it look like she didn't love her fiance says WAY more about her hidden feelings than you.

Her night? Does that mean she gets to ruin yours?

What a prick. I give her marriage 2 years tops.

maydancer · 21/02/2016 12:56

My first thought is that there has been some incest somewhere in her family and you hit a raw nerve

Creatureofthenight · 21/02/2016 12:59

Incest is your first thought, maydancer? Really? Overreact much!

AyeAmarok · 21/02/2016 13:02

I think the fact that she is making this out to be such a massive deal says a lot more about her and her relationship with her fiancé than the fact that she picked her DB in a silly lighthearted game!

Lj8893 · 21/02/2016 13:09

Wow massive overreaction from maydance!!!

Sophie38 · 21/02/2016 13:11

How do people like this even get near a bloke let alone one who will agree to marry them?

She sounds either really thick or just...troubled in some way.

It's not your fault.

cruikshank · 21/02/2016 13:13

Georgia and Nat off of Brookside. Just saying.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/02/2016 13:18

Ffs there are some drama llamas on this thread. She's an insecure twat who is embarrassed she picked the wrong guy because her and her fiance are meant to be soooo in lurve and totally know each other inside and out and are totally soulmates, obvs. So she's trying to make OP feel like shit for ruining true love's dream. She can fuck right off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/02/2016 13:21

Maybe it's an overactive fear of incest... It's not an overreaction of maydancer to think it because that's what the premise of the thread is - why the bride is so irked!

Cruickshank... I remember that. Fab storyline that went on for ages. Tom Wisdom who played Nat went on to star in 'Mile High' about an airline, which I also loved.

Lj8893 · 21/02/2016 13:24

Oh I loved Mile High!

Batavias · 21/02/2016 13:25

She's a loon but was drink to blame?

cruikshank · 21/02/2016 13:28

He was pretty good-looking, istr, LyingWitch.

Anyway OP, looks like we've solved the issue behind the over-reaction. It's all about 'the big-eared boys on farms', as Alan Partridge would say.

WineIsMyMainVice · 21/02/2016 13:30

I once went to a hen do where we did a Mr and Mrs type quiz thing, having asked the bride to be s fiancé a load of questions. She got every single one wrong and ended up in tears all night saying that she didn't know him well enough to marry him!!
I don't think you are BU by the way. I think you organised what sounds like a bit of fun!

Gabilan · 21/02/2016 13:31

It sounds like the sort of game I'd hate. If that makes me a twat/ unhinged/ hysterical etc etc so be it. She may have felt she had to go along with it to seem like a good sport and then when she picked her brother it opened a can of worms for her. And yes, there may be some hidden trauma involved.

Joolsy · 21/02/2016 13:32

I think you did nothing wrong. The fact she picked her brother shows they have things in common and she's fond of him, which is no surprise! Not that she wants to shag him or marry him!

Schmoozer · 21/02/2016 13:34

I thought raw nerve too

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/02/2016 13:35

I thought there may be either
a) some hidden trauma connected to brother or
b) she is someone who loves to generate a drama and be centre of attention.

I think option b because surely her brother wouldn't agree to be part of a game if he thought it was a sensitive subject for his sister?

PittedOlive · 21/02/2016 13:37

That's the crux of AIBU, though, isn't it? The OP asked if she'd been unreasonable in staging the game, and people said no. However, the fact remains that the friend was upset and humiliated by the game, regardless of the fact that it was well-intentioned.

Ultimately, people feel how they feel, and it doesn't matter that others may feel they're 'overreacting'. I don't understand hysterical nerves about public speaking, but most people don't understand the driving nerves that used to make me regularly physically sick before a lesson. I don't - and the OP and her friends don't - obviously understand what was so upsetting about the game, but it clearly made her hen night memorable for the wrong reasons. It's no one's 'fault' as such, but I think all the 'lighten up' and 'it's only a silly game' comments are a bit dismissive. Or 'punishing' the hen for speaking up and being angry and upset, rather than being stiff upper-lipped and sitting smiling politely while wanting to die?

If I were a genuine friend, I would be sorry something I had organised caused the upset, even if I thought it was excessive.

MarvelleGazelle · 21/02/2016 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Junosmum · 21/02/2016 13:55

She was being unreasonable. At a hen do I attended the bride was asked to select from a load of pictures of body parts which were her fiances. Parts included eyes, back of head, hand and bum. Friend fiances brother and friends brother both submitted photos. Friend found it hilarious.

pocketsaviour · 21/02/2016 13:58

Is her surname Lannister?

GruntledOne · 21/02/2016 14:00

I thought hen parties were meant to be all female?

OurBlanche · 21/02/2016 14:01

That makes me feel far better about my own hen do, almost 30 years ago.

Poisonous SIL, who offered to organise it, did nothing, just invited her best friends, walked to the pub we both worked in, went to a curry house, went home. Spent the following week telling people how lame it was. It was the beginning of my understanding just how much she disliked me.

I may cry off the do I have been invited to in June. I might laugh when I should sympathise.

problembottom · 21/02/2016 14:02

I would have found this really funny. And I love the body parts idea!

She's obviously secretly in love with her brother and you've brought her despair right to the surface.

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