Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ISBU re hen party game, or did I mess up?

124 replies

fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 11:05

Friend's hen party last night, started late afternoon at one of the party's houses for drinks, nibbles and a few daft games, before going on to town for a meal, drinks, club - the usual.

One of the games which I helped organise was kind of Blind Date - I asked a few pretty harmless questions to her fiancé, the brother and the boyfriend of one of the other girls in the group. Questions along the lines of "where would you take Bride2be on holiday?", "what would your ideal first date be?" - there was nothing overtly sexual or weird. The idea was for her to listen to the responses and pick a "Date" and hopefully it would be her fiancé. We did something similar at my hen party a few years ago.

Anyway, she picked her brother. And went utterly batshit with us all for "making" her do something so disgusting. We all reassured her that it was just a laugh and no one thought she fancied her brother FFS. After a lot of pandering to her from pretty much everyone there, she calmed down and we went out for the night and things seemed ok.

In the club later on and after many drinks she cornered me in the loos a bit and had a go about how I'd made her look like she didn't love her fiancé, or was shallow, or unobservant and various other rants. She also reckons she won't be able to look at her brother knowing he answered the questions. Ugh. As I mentioned before, the questions were totally non-sexual and I actually thought the brother had done quite a good job of revealing who he was in his answers (for a first date he said he would take her home to his parents as he thought she would love them and feel like she'd known them all her life...).

Anyway, I have apologised that she feels that way, reminded her that no one thought she fancied her brother, it was just a silly game, and reminded her we did exactly the same at my hen do (where I picked my friend's dad as my date!) and it had no reflection on her or her relationship.

Anyway, she stayed with her bridesmaid last night who has text me to say she is still in a strop with me, and bridesmaid is a bit baffled by what a big deal she is making of it. BM doesn't think I've done anything wrong. Do you?

OP posts:
Ludways · 21/02/2016 11:55

I think it was hilarious including her brother and I'd expect my brother to know me extremely well, being that we lived together for the first 18 years. Figs, we'd laugh our arses off, give each other a cuddle and proceed to do a few shots of tequila together. People are so weird.

LindyHemming · 21/02/2016 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

novemberchild · 21/02/2016 11:59

Yanbu! I have 4 siblings and I would expect any one of them to know me extremely well! We'd have a laugh and move on :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/02/2016 11:59

What? She didn't manage to recognise her brother's voice? That's her own silly look-out. Grin

Definitely don't prostrate yourself, she sounds like hard work and you're kind enough to blame that on her wedding jitters.

Wolpertinger · 21/02/2016 11:59

Has she ever been on the receiving end of any of the pranks before? Sounds like it was a lot more fun dishing it out but she hadn't realised she can't take it.

pinkcan · 21/02/2016 12:02

Bloody hell, I'd just distance myself from her, she sounds hard work and unable to have a laugh.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 21/02/2016 12:03

Some people (myself included) find this sort of game a complete and utter cringe, brother or not. However if you are such a person you should make it clear that this ism't what you want from your hen night and not play in the first place (or even not have a hen night). Going along with it all then throwing a strop because you don't like the outcome is very immature.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 21/02/2016 12:04

There's no pleasing some people op. She's being daft. Sounds like a good game to me! Smile

Original poster
fishcake84 · 21/02/2016 12:04

Thanks all for the general consensus that I'm not a total cow Grin .

BM has texted again to say Bride2be has lightened up a bit and laughed about it, so I might take the opportunity to send her a quick text to say thanks for inviting me to her hen do etc. Test the water.

OP posts:
helenahandbag · 21/02/2016 12:05

I'd crease myself laughing if I picked my brother, she wildly overreacted!

HanYOLO · 21/02/2016 12:08

I'd have hated that game at my hen do but it sounds like she's usually into that kind of stuff.

I think where you went wrong was whoever she picked should have been her fiancee. You should have fiddled it. Grin

Hope you get it sorted, it's probably just chimed with some unspoken wedding wobbles. If so it's not something that would damage a friendship in the normal scheme of things

ToffeeForEveryone · 21/02/2016 12:11

She is overreacting but I think putting family members in the mix for that game was a bit of a mis-step, it would have made me uncomfortable if I was your friend.

I suppose on your own hen night you expect people to be extra nice to you! And she obviously feels she has been made to look silly.

bringbacksideburns · 21/02/2016 12:13

She sounds hard work frankly. Especially as she was already familiar with the game from your Hen night. She should be thanking everyone for making an effort for her and putting it all together. I wouldn't text her. I'd wait for her to contact you.

WindsOfTremorrah · 21/02/2016 12:14

YANBU.

However, it sounds like you have unwittingly hit a nerve. That's her problem, not yours.

Trills · 21/02/2016 12:15

Hopefully she'll get over it.

I wonder why she overreacted so much...

LettingAgentNightmare · 21/02/2016 12:16

If I picked my brother I would just laugh. I would not be crying that everyone thought I actually fancied him. Jesus Christ, some people are so tightly wound.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/02/2016 12:18

Fuckaduck, what an overreaction on her part! Shock

But as others have already said, maaaaybe there's more behind it - maybe she's having secret doubts about her fiancé and thinks this has just highlighted it to everyone?

Hmmm.

ProfGrammaticus · 21/02/2016 12:19

I think I'm probably regarded as being a bit uptight. I don't think you did anything at all wrong here and I think she is overreacting big time. Put it down to pre-wedding nerves and too much drink on her part, I think.

paxillin · 21/02/2016 12:19

People might think she does actually fancy her brother if she remains in such a state about a joke gone wrong...

PittedOlive · 21/02/2016 12:31

YABU for the cringeworthy 'games' alone. How old are you all? Does your gang also go in for the kind of baby shower where you are invited to sniff chocolate bars melted into disposable nappies?

And honestly, even if you think these games are hilarious, this looks like a fairly obvious instance of how something innocuous in theory can be a minefield in practice, when it involves drunk, possibly wedding-nervous people put on the spot in public.

You clearly think she's unreasonable because you don't understand why she's upset, and because you didn't find it upsetting to have picked your father's friend on your hen, and you think people 'pandered' to her by being apologetic, but if you flip things, though it's clearly not your individual fault, and you don't see why it's a big deal, she felt publicly humiliated and wrong-footed on a night that was supposed to be about being treating her well and celebrating. I don't think 'lighten up' is an adequate reponse.

TheWitTank · 21/02/2016 12:36

See, I bet it was a combo of pissed and then hangxiety this morning. Glad to hear she has snapped out of it a bit now!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 21/02/2016 12:40

Yes, although I think throwing a tantrum because a game you willingly went along with didn't turn out the way you expected is immature, the fact is she felt humiliated on what should have been a very special night for her. You've said sorry, but you clearly don't think you did anything wrong. I accept that you didn't do it on purpose but it has gone wrong and you should back off (or maybe grovel) instead of starting threads on here to justify your error of judgement.

gleekster · 21/02/2016 12:45

She sounds like a drama queen - total overreaction.

CityMole · 21/02/2016 12:46

"Special night"? She's not a special snowflake. The op went to a lot of trouble to help make the night special and is only posting on here to make sense of bridezilla's baffling reaction and challenging behaviour.

OP, do NOT grovel. Give the bride time to remove her head from her arse, but let her come to you now.

MadamDeathstare · 21/02/2016 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.