Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

[stubbornstains]

Well, I suppose you could say men brought in more money sanity. Being paid more, sometimes for an identical day's work, than a woman.....

[yumyumpoppycat]

Sorry crossed post - no harm in chef taking nicest piece which in this case was the OP not the husband dishing out!

[Katarzyna79]

oysterbabe liked your comment you like leg he likes breast, part of the reason you married him lool

[Aspergallus]

Fuck. That. Shit.

[WonderingAspie]

YANBU. I've never had any experience of this at all, thankfully!

I put out however many plates are needed on the side, ask DH or my dad if they mind a leg (they don't) and put breast on the others, then put what veg they like on then give them the plate. None of this serving crap and everyone just gets the same. So much easier! I was brought up this way as well. It was a shock when we had dinner at DH's uncles and there were bowls with all the different parts of roast in on the table and you had to help yourself (think it was guests first), I hate it as I like to have a decent amount of food but they didn't have loads there really so you don't feel you can take much. Would much rather have a plate just given to me.

[lorelei9]

this is another thread that makes me want to claim injury damages after my jaw hit the floor. (Not from you, OP, but from the people who think men should be served first).

[MLGs]

I find this really shocking.

Why on earth should the men need a better cut or be served first? More calories, have more potatoes as someone said.

Women and children need iron more than men, so if anything need more of any red meat going.

I always serve children first (guest children before mine), then guests in a vague order with senior and women before younger and men, and then adults who aren't guests. If I'm serving I'd do myself last for obvious reasons.

When H serves it is in a general messy order of anyone takes any plate going. Often goes wrong

That said my Grandma did this. Drove me nuts.

[Saracen]

Crikey. I had no idea this sort of thing was so widespread. DMIL used to complain that her husband had expected that sort of treatment and I thought it was because he'd been brought up by a Victorian dad. Anyway, by the time I came onto the scene in the 1990s she'd decided it was not happening any more.

Glad your partner has done an about face, OP. So I needn't suggest that next time the in-laws visit, you serve up slabs of breaded reformed turkey in the shape of dinosaurs so everyone can have exactly the same.

[flanjabelle]

It's funny how some families work. I would say that my family always prioritised the elders and the youngest family members. Dps family massively prioritise the women in the family. It is of upmost importance that they are seen to be being gentlemanly, and this includes giving the best food to the women. They generally hold women on a bit of a pedestal really and would never ever dream of doing what your dh has done. I don't know if that is better or too far in the other direction as it definitely isn't equal, but it has ensured that dp has never left me with the scraps that's for sure!

It really comes down to the attitude of the family in general and I don't like the message your dhs behaviour sends at all.

[CalicoBlue]

Thinking about it, I usually ask Dh what he wants first. He is so fussy though, will only eat chicken breast from the chicken, or the ends from a cut of meat.

I got fed up with him taking all the chicken breast for him and his DS. I now cook two chickens and make pie for the next day with the leftovers.

Reminded my of a dinner with my father. He cooked a goose, but had invited some people he met (he was eccentric) and had forgotten to tell us. So we ended up with 10 for dinner and one goose. My Dh was given skin and bone as my father tried to make the goose go round. I don't think I even got that. The look on my Dh's face was priceless.

[Gatehouse77]

This is what happened in our house growing up. The men were served first and offered seconds. Women were served after and were only offered seconds if there was any left over after then men had been served.

It's a throwback from the war years when men did more manual labour and meat was scarce.

It's not how I do it but I don't get het up by it either.

[SarfEast1cated]

It's a historical thing isn't it, if the man of the house was working down the pit or something, he would get the most high protein food. The harder he was able to work the less likely you would be out on the street. Still happened in my working class family.

[SarfEast1cated]

Snap gate. :) I love history.

[KP86]

Good grief, I've never heard such rubbish before.

If I serve, I choose the bit I want and DH gets the other bit/s. Generally speaking though, as there are only two of us it's easy for both to have a breast etc.

I would never give myself an inferior piece because I was female. If I stuffed something up while cooking that was entirely my fault I (no guarantees!!) give myself the dodgier part.

[BuggersMuddle]

I'd be pissed off OP. In this house, might sit down to eat last (I tend to carve), but I would damn sure keep some tasty bits back for myself.

I serve guests first, then 'family visitors', then ourselves. If there are little ones I might ask one of the parents into the kitchen as I don't have kids myself, so if I don't know the kid well, I want to make sure I'm serving up a suitable portion and mix of food.

The only person who automatically gets comfiest seat / first serving etc. is an 85 year old relative...because she's 85 fgs.

I can't fathom this nowadays OP - it's archaic. DP needs more calories than me? Yes, I suppose he does when I'm not training, I guess he needs about 500 more to fuel his lanky 6ft self ordinarily. Split that over 3 meals, drinks and and snacks and that's what? An extra roast spud at dinner and a half a slice extra meat, maybe?

[zipzap]

My grandmother used to talk about this being an old practice when she was growing up back around the turn of the century... She lived in a village where you'd put your roast in a tin and take it down to the bakehouse to be cooked, then go back 20 mins before the end to pour the yorkshire pudding batter into the tin around the meat (none of these little tin nonsense ones!) so that the pudding had all the flavour of the beef. (and she still used to make yorkshires like that, it was the only thing she could cook well and it's much nicer made around the meat!)

Then the men would have meat and yorkshire pudding while the rest of the family had yorkshire pudding, then they'd have vegetables and then if there was meat left there'd be a bit of meat for everybody at the end when they were all full so wouldn't be able to eat as much of it.

When I was growing up, my mum and sis loved the chicken legs, my dad and I loved the breast meat so that made life very simple, we all had exactly what we wanted. Unfortunately now dh, ds1, ds2 and I all like breast meat. DH doesn't mind leg so will have that rather than me buy breast joints as he likes to have a whole roast chicken on a sunday sometimes - but it's not going to be long until the dc have much bigger appetites and that's not going to work!

Hopefully next time your dp's family are staying, you're going to be there while dp is carving and say right, ladies first, need to be polite, and watch the fun ensue

[FlatOnTheHill]

YANBU
Loving all the comments

[ILoveACornishPasty]

Firstly may I thank you for introducing the word 'bellendry' to my vocabulary. It's my new favourite fuckwittage synonym. Secondly, WTAF?! This is so weird it's funny!!

[ILoveACornishPasty]

Ps I just read this to my husband and he is actually borderline outraged. He has just said 'I would always offer to ladies first [can confirm he does] because I feel like it's my job to look after you.' Now, that's probably just as old fashioned, but at least this is old fashioned that means I get to eat chicken boob!!

[lorelei9]

I don't get all this "history"

I used to be vegetarian, that probably means I'm not allowed any meat!!!

[openthecurtains]

MIL does this - she goes on and on at me at the table about how I can't have breast meat - in my own house, when I've cooked it. There's more than enough breast meat for everyone but as a woman I apparently should know my place and take a leg. In her house, when she's serving up, only DH is allowed chicken skin. Women can't have that either.

Bruised fruit is also pointed out to me so that I can eat it and save DH from it.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

We do a beef or pork joint and we all race for the dripping!! Yummy!! Rather eat that than the meat ..... Must be insane

[Corygal1]

It dates from times of yore and is a peasant tradition - for the very poor only. Men got more meat because they needed the protein for their burly labourer services. But it was quite rare even then, and only for the very low in society.

Everyone else feeds ladies first in order of social (often family) superiority.

[BestIsWest]

I read somewhere that during the 1920s, the mortality rate among young women was much higher than among young men in the Welsh Valleys, despite many of the young men working in dangerous jobs e.g. the collieries. The reason given was poor nutrition, because families felt they had to feed the working men well, the girls often went without. Poor nutrition meant many problems in childbirth as well.

[SanityClause]

Grrrr!

During the war, men did not do more manual work.

Women worked in the factories, making munitions, etc, they worked on the land, and they worked in intelligence, and so on, as well.

The reason men were fed first is much older history than that. It's harking back to the days of the alpha male of a "pack". Ever seen wolves being fed at the zoo? That.