Re. The sharing out of meat?

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

My partners family seem to have the idea that the men in the family get best pick of the meet.

I noticed once before when my partners mother cooked a roast that she asked the men which cuts they wanted. I was a bit bemused by this but she's generally a bit weird, uptight and controlling about food anyway, so i thought it was just one of her foibles.

Anyway, my partner's family has been staying with us for the past few days and as they were leaving today i did a roast. My partner always dishes out because I'm a bit clumsy and disorganised. But, HE then proceeded to ask the men which cut of the chicken they prefer and took the tastiest parts for himself and his sister's bf. Obviously, afterwards, I was like ' WTF was that?' Fully expecting some sort of concession from my partner that this was utter bellendry on his part. However, he actually tried to defend hos position. Saying that they are men and that's the way it is and they need more calories, blah, blah, blah.

I've told him I'm never cooking for his family again. Fuck them.

Who ibu?

[Didactylos]

I once made a roast chicken for my brother when he came to stay and gave him the breast meat - only for him to ask what it was!

he had been one of the oldest in the family and the younger children tended to be given the breast meat (softer & easier for a young child to manage on a plate) so he graduated to having a leg like the grown ups pretty early. We realised the general trend for the women and children to be given the breast meat while the men got the legs had continued pretty much unconsciously since we were young
Oddly enough I do the same with my own children - they (and guests) will get the choicest bits of a bird or joint before we serve ourselves

[hefzi]

I used to know someone whose IL had "mummy plates" and "daddy plates" - all the men were served a plateful of food on a dinner plate (the daddy plates) and the women had a plateful served on a side plate (the mummy plate). Luckily, I was never invited round, so never had to restrain myself from asking wtf!

[Canyouforgiveher]

Id have intervened there and then.

We carve the meat and pass it around the table so it is luck who gets first dibs but whether it is family or extended family or friends everyone seems to have the good manners not to take all the good bits.

My uncle used to get steak for dinner while everyone else, including his wife, ate mince.

My mother would always serve more food to men (and then comment that BIL was getting very fat) but not the best bits and not first.

It is pretty unattractive really for someone to say "I deserve the best bits because I am better than you".

[LilacAndLovely]

Well he's right on the calories so as a general rule, men should get more...that's not the same as being served first or getting the tastiest bits though!

[PigletJohn]

I serve in table order. Person at far end of table first. Then the plates get passed down.

I do remember having weekend lunch with a colleagues family, who said something like "PJ gets three sausages because he's the man" and I was quite bemused.

[witsender]

Isn't dark meat more calorific than breast though?

[Katarzyna79]

I came to rant had a rubbish day as a skivvy but Ive learnt something new not just an Asian thing men getting first picks? really I'm shocked. blimey these men would fit right in with the older generation of south Asians, put the cavemen with the other cavemen and women lol.

The men think its their right to be served first when theres a large dinner invite since space is lacking there are 2 or 3 seatings and even though the women slave away cooking men eat first, and it's served by the ladies.

ladies eat 2nd and they serve themselves and tidy up while fat arse men sit around gossiping picking their teeth complaining or complimenting food their fat bellies are full of.


house ive got is big so if I have a large dinner invite I put all the kids with the men they sit on floor on cloths like the Asians and arabs ?

women sit in kitchen at the table. but as for cuts of meat well no everyone gets what comes on their spoon usually curries made up of meat on the bone. or pilaus meat on bone too.

large drumstick in curry meant to be prized, or a steak fish from curry with lots of jelly fat, I hate fat on fish but apparently it's a delicacy and a compliment if your host is dishing it for you...yeah right I still don't want it lol

the really backward men and poor wives have bowl and pitcher of water at the table to wash their hands before eating, and another bowl with soapy water and a clean pitcher for washing after. my mum used to do this for guests but not for my dad I thght wtf, kitchen sink is few metres away how bloody lazy? I thought my sis agreed with me, but I was shocked to see her, raised in uk doing the same with her bloody bro in law, coz he commanded it like he's living in villages of Bangladesh or something? Her husband didn't ask her bloody bro in law, amd she like an idiot delivered? i think all them years of her living under the reign of her typical traditional domineering mother in law had it's desired social effects, total brainwash, she actually believes in this shitty servitude.

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

Thanks for confirming that I wasn't bu.

For the record, I personally would always offer the guests first pick, whether male or female. This men first business just really got my goat. Very disrespectful.

I've just read out some of the replies to this thread to the other half and he is now back tracking madly and looking quite embarrassed.

[janethegirl2]

I generally carve the chicken/ beef whatever and put it on a serving platter and people take what they want from the plate. So far the plate has never been emptied before everyone has had some meat.

[dottyaboutstripes]

My mother does this. She's mid 70s, does my head in

[UndramaticPause]

With chicken in my household it's known I like a thigh and dh likes a breast the rest gets divvied up to whoever shouts for what bit first the only bit we fight over is the skin. That's no holds barred for that.

[Katarzyna79]

ive never been to invite for roast always bloody curry lol. But if i did i eat whats given i'd never think to ask for a particular cut i think it's rude? I'd be grateful for the invite.

[HermioneWeasley]

Glad he's embarrassed, frankly, he should be.

[Oysterbabe]

DH only likes breast, I prefer leg.
It's part of the reason I married him.

[Oysterbabe]

Oh and he doesn't like skin so I eat that while I'm sorting out the veg.

[DinosaursRoar]

If this is the only area he's shown selfishness and that he clearly believes men to be superior to woman, it could be he's just never questioned his parents sexist (and frankly rude to guests) way of serving food, then this is something he can be 'retrained into 21st century ways' - but I'd be very wary, this is great big red flag behaviour/attitude.

[camtt]

even when the men were out doing manual labour the women were at home doing pretty manual labour too. But unpaid so obviously not noticed by the men. Try doing the family laundry by hand for example, and cooking every meal from scratch without the benefit of fridge perhaps

[OohMavis]

DH's nan does this sometimes. She does, however, have enough social awareness to realise this is not what is considered normal nowadays, and shakes her head at herself.

What a twat. I bet he was just embarrassed and tried to style it out a bit.

[RaspberryOverload]

dottyaboutstripes Sat 20-Feb-16 21:20:20
My mother does this. She's mid 70s, does my head in

My mum is also in her 70s. We always had the meat carved onto a platter and then placed on the table along with all the other items, veg, etc, to help ourselves. Sensibly and fairly. I do the same, there's no way I'd let anyone try to claim they deserved the best bit for any reason, especially not for being a man.

Guests help themselves first, but most of our guests have been the sensible and fair type of "help themselves" so I've never seen this kind of sexism at mealtimes. I was aware it had happened in the past but didn't realise it still went on.

[SanityClause]

There was never a "day and age" where men were the breadwinner, and were more important!

In hunter-gatherer societies, women produce most of the calories, including protein. Think trapping small animals and gathering seeds, fruits and nuts. Men would traditionally hunt, which is a much less reliable source of calories.

In subsistence farming communities, women traditionally raise chickens and eggs, milk cows and/or goats, and raise vegetables, etc.

In Georgian and Victorian times, women always worked, in factories and down mines and so on. Of course, by then, men were paid more for the same work.

The reason men were served first wasn't because they were the "breadwinner", but because they could physically assert themselves. Like a male lion does, when the lionesses come back with the kill.

Does your DH really want to be such a caveman, grandma?

[Foxsox]

Good god!
My family did this.
They would also do the whole 'men go to the pub, women stay and cook/ wait on them' shit
Drove me nuts,
Plus the men would sit together and women separately if there wasn't enough room at the table (women would be sat in the kitchen, thus proving their worth it would seem!) this whole thing drives me insane, I want to eat with my husband, he is no better or worse than me.

[holte]

Often when i eat at the MILs men eat first and separately and then the women eat (OH family Asian but been in UK since 60's).

[Allalonenow]

Well, as the cook, I've always done the carving too, and generally serve myself first with the part of the joint that I like best, though probably wouldn't plate it up first.
Then I serve everyone else, and give fair shares to all, so many slices each. Men don't get larger portions, or the "better" bits.

I carve and serve quickly, years of experience, and expect everyone to wait to begin their meal until I am seated and ready to eat.

Some of the men mentioned on this thread would have a bit adjusting to do eating in my household. I'm not a bright young thing either, it's just the way I have always done things.

[yumyumpoppycat]

I give the children the bits they like first then dp then me as I cooked it and want him to enjoy it, I do think its a bit weird if done in a male vs female thing, I would guess nowadays the person carving would not cut the best parts for themselves as a rule so your dp wbu.

Can't remember whose story it was but at female grandchild being given toast and male gs getting sausage etc. My mum does random things but I don't think she would favouritise a grandchild with food. Children really get territorial over food, if I ask my 3 to share a bottle of water its embarrassing how much bickering ensues.

[mineofuselessinformation]

A male member of my family (related by marriage) did this once at another family member's house (sorry to be a bit vague about that!) They offered to carve the several types of meat on offer (it was Christmas), then proceeded to hack the meat into chunks and along with one of their dcs, also male, ate the best parts.
Their subsequent offers were refused....