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AIBU?

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Original poster

is it unreasonable to look through someone else's calendar?

117 replies

Magicpinkshadow · 20/02/2016 10:08

I just want to gage what is accepted as 'normal'

I'm a very private person the things I put on my hung up calendar can be seen by any one that visits which in its self is ok.

My Dp sister is very nosey, in the past she has attempted to look through a folder with all the household bills in just because I'd left it on the side and Seems to think it's ok to even pick up my iPad when she is here to have a look at what ever she wants. To be fair dp whole family do it so I understand that to them this is normal. Where as in my family we always ask if we want to use or look at something.

So here's the thing, she came round when I was out to see dp and our Dc, I have just notice she has added a day out and her dc's birthdays on our calendar. It's not even for this month! So she has obviously gone through the calendar to add these things!! I mentioned this to dp and said can you ask her not to as I find it quite rude and would not consider doing it at her house, he told me that I was being ridiculous and what does it matter!!

Is normal to look through each other's calendar and other things amongst most families?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2016 11:19

I can't decide about the greeting card reading. I have no interest in reading other people's cards when I visit them. Mum comes round and asks who the cards are from. But TBF they usually say 'To Sparking love from X' so not v interesting.

Original poster
Magicpinkshadow · 20/02/2016 11:24

I don't mind her having the password it's the fact it wasn't asked for, as how does she know that we are unlimited usage!

We have been to hers in the past and she switched her wifi off so her Db couldn't use it (he's the only one of us that has the password) she wasn't on unlimited at the time!

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 20/02/2016 11:27

YesterdayOnceMore - it's not that unusual not to have the world and their mother's birthday on a calendar. Growing up, we only used them to note unusal days - not ones that happened every year. Unless you have a memory problem, important birthdays don't need to be especially marked down.The SIL filling them in is just rude, it's making sure the OP is made to buy gifts for her/the children (which the OP may well have been planning to do anyway, but no one should be made to feel forced to in such a passive-agressive manner).

MargotLovedTom · 20/02/2016 11:28

Sparkling I think it's worse when people snoop at cards between a couple for something like V Day or an anniversary; birthday cards don't bother me.

Actually I might write a filthy message in DH's anniversary card and see what MIL makes of that Wink.

Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2016 11:30

I have all the birthdays in a bit at the back of my diary. A few are on the kitchen calendar but not all.

Original poster
Magicpinkshadow · 20/02/2016 11:30

The only birthdays I have on the calendar is my dc's I don't put everyone's on as its a small calendar and generally have lots of hospital appts for the dc's, kids parties, clubs and school events! It's more so a calendar for all the kids things so I don't lose track who has got to be where and when

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 20/02/2016 11:30

it is very sad you wouldn't have your nieces/nephews birthdays on your calendar

Why on earth? Hmm

I know these dates, my calendar is for things I might forget.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 11:31

I have different boundaries to you so some of the specific examples you have given would not annoy me. However, someone overstepping boundaries that I do have would annoy me so yanbu. I think your dh should understand this if you explain it to him, and back you up so that you are not being intruded upon. He doesn't need to agree with your particular gripes to get the principle, and if he didn't get it, I would be upset.

deregistered · 20/02/2016 11:34

It would really annoy me! I'd be furious.

But as responses on this thread show, everyone is different (though I've never known anyone to do this in real life).

BertrandRussell · 20/02/2016 11:36

So the OPs dp is happy with it, the OP isn't. And the OP trumps him. Why?

lanbro · 20/02/2016 11:39

Surely reading cards that are on display is pretty normal?! I do that at family and friends! I wouldn't look through a calendar for a nosy but I would look at my mum and sister's calendars. I glance at MIL's to make sure I've not missed any birthdays etc but I wouldn't turn the pages.

Wifi - anyone can use mine, and my phone is set to pick up the wifi when I'm at friends and family, why would that be a problem?

I wouldn't root through bills or folders tho but I think some people are a bit precious about things on display. Put them away if they're so private!

Original poster
Magicpinkshadow · 20/02/2016 11:41

They are normally put away but had been sorting them just before she turned up unexpectedly! Hence why the folder was still out!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2016 11:42

People that read other people's greeting cards-what are you looking for? Confused

TitClash · 20/02/2016 11:42

BertrandRussell So the OPs dp is happy with it, the OP isn't. And the OP trumps him. Why?
Because generally if a thing upsets someone we try not to do it.

And going through someones bills folder is incredibly rude.

BertrandRussell · 20/02/2016 11:44

"And going through someones bills folder is incredibly rude."

I agree.

I thought we were talking about the calendar thing.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 20/02/2016 11:46

BertrandRussell - very easy, the OP doesn't want private objects being used/looked through without permission. Private means private, at least where I'm from. Doesn't matter if the OP's partner is ok with it at the moment, always better be safe than sorry. What if money was used from an account without permission? If you knew a family member had been looking through bank stuff, it would make them look suspicious. What if you had planned a suprise, and they ruined it because they had noticed it on the family calender/read it on a private Facebook conversation? Just becuse the OP's partner is ok with his sister being nosey, doesn't make being nosey ok.

GetSchwifty · 20/02/2016 11:46

My mum does the calendar thing. It's so irritating and intrusive.

zzzzz · 20/02/2016 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/02/2016 11:52

Cards perfectly normal anything else abnormal unless you're really close.

I used to go to step-mum's house where I'd see the lovely desk calendar I'd given her on the side and open but no way I'd look at it, maybe glance if right by me...

Equally if I borrowed someone's laptop (brother's Inlaws when I stay there as they have terrible wifi connection deep in Avon countryside) I always do my stuff, my stuff only and then log out. And it's stuff I'd otherwise have to drive to Internet cafe to use iPad at and they don't mind. I'd expect and hope they don't snoop afterwards but I know they wouldn't!

I've been staying with friends where they leave bills, coupons etc (labelled coupon folder) out and there's no way on earth I'd ever snoop! Likewise same with me it's mostly online the bills but anything else I'd expect them to not read! Common courtesy and good manners.

Earlyday · 20/02/2016 12:00

Whenever my mum comes over I have to make a sweep of the house hiding anything personal as she is very nosey. I'm careful about what I write on my calendar in the kitchen - I have a doctors appointment coming up that I don't want my mum to know about so I just put a note like 'appointment at 1pm'. It must annoy her - the lack of information.

ToomuchChocolatemeansBootcamp · 20/02/2016 12:01

I guess as the calendar is hanging up in the kitchen you can't stop her looking at/thru it but, to me, it is absolutely not her place to add anything to it. Kids birthdays does seem a bit PA - don't forget to get them something nice, now, yeah?!

running if you did that at my house, I would not invite you back. Very rude and overstepping boundaries. My iPad is protected anyway but I would be extremely annoyed if you did that. It's not your property! You're in someone else's house!

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/02/2016 12:06

I would be surprised at someone writing on my calendar, it's not something I'm used to. But if your DP isn't bothered by it I think that indicates that it's just normal for them and not intended to be rude. So why take it as rude? Try and be a little more tolerant. If something she does actually has a negative affect on you then let her know and ask her not to. Otherwise be glad you have family around you who seem to like you and want to be close. It's just a different way of doing things, not some kind of attack.

Pidapie · 20/02/2016 12:21

Very odd O.o

ohtheholidays · 20/02/2016 12:24

YANBU you don't like it so she shouldn't do it in your house.If they're all like it then I'm sure she has plenty of other homes that she can nose through as much as she likes.

I would have had a go at her,it's really rude to go looking through people's bills,messing around with they're calendars,using wifi and netflix codes without asking and messing with your Ipad she sounds like she has real issued with normal boundaries ie she bloody has none.

DoreenLethal · 20/02/2016 12:54

sometimes I change the settings to annoy them too

Wow - go you. What a regular diamond you are.

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