is it unreasonable to look through someone else's calendar?

[Magicpinkshadow]

I just want to gage what is accepted as 'normal'

I'm a very private person the things I put on my hung up calendar can be seen by any one that visits which in its self is ok.

My Dp sister is very nosey, in the past she has attempted to look through a folder with all the household bills in just because I'd left it on the side and Seems to think it's ok to even pick up my iPad when she is here to have a look at what ever she wants. To be fair dp whole family do it so I understand that to them this is normal. Where as in my family we always ask if we want to use or look at something.

So here's the thing, she came round when I was out to see dp and our Dc, I have just notice she has added a day out and her dc's birthdays on our calendar. It's not even for this month! So she has obviously gone through the calendar to add these things!! I mentioned this to dp and said can you ask her not to as I find it quite rude and would not consider doing it at her house, he told me that I was being ridiculous and what does it matter!!

Is normal to look through each other's calendar and other things amongst most families?

My MIL was a bit like this. The calendar would annoy me slightly but, well, whatever. I have no idea if she looked at my calendar but she probably did. She would pick up letters and start reading them too but DH had her for that one and after a couple of these incidents I made sure they were put away.

The weirdest one was when she was round one time and I went up to the bathroom only to come down and surprise her rooting through my dirty washing in the laundry basket. I was too utterly gobsmacked to ask her what she was doing and I still have no idea to this day.

I'm talking as though she's no longer with us; she is but she has dementia. Last time she was here she picked my diary up and started looking at it and the only reason I couldn't be bothered to stop her is because I know she had no clue what she was looking at.

Runningbutnotscared - if you did those things in my house, you wouldn't be asked back. I have no issue in letting someone borrow my tablet/laptop/phone etc with permission, but think it's disgustingly rude to use these personal items if they are just sitting around (and changing the settings - you're not serious are you?). They contain private infomation, conversations and such - no one has a right to just pick up these things to have a gander through! Similar to writing in a family calender - although less likely to have very personal information, nothing on there should be of interest to anyone outside the family, and adding in dates is a flipping cheek on top. It's basically saying 'don't forget my/my precious kids birthday, I'm a grabby attention seeker'. What happened the the concept of privacy??

What I meant to say was, people do odd and annoying things and you have to decide where the limits are. I wouldn't have done anything about the calendar, although to my mind it's not normal, but the other stuff would be a step too far for me. Only you can decide.

They do the card thing too! The day out is something we did last year, if we plan to have a family day out then on the calendar I put 'day out' rather than where we are going or what we are doing to avoid upsetting the kids if the weather is bad or something else comes up, that way plans can change and it doesn't upset the kids (have dc's with slight SN)

I had also thought about the bathroom cabinet! Would love to put a door alarm on the inside of it to catch anyone that opens it!

Do that in my house, running, and you would not set foot across the threshold again if I had anything to do with it. Were you not taught as a child to respect other people's property?

Our floorboards creak a bit. You can always tell if a visitor is coming down from the upstairs loo via nosing in bed rooms.

Cards and calendars wouldn't bother me, they are on display, people may look. But draws, cupboards, iPads etc. All private not for rooting and nosying.

We don't have a calendar up in our house though. I have a family diary and organise everyone !

I would go out and buy some tippex just for that and tell her to butt out of writing on my calender.

It is rude to write on someone's calendar, not so much looking at it if it is on display in a room you would expect her to be in.
Looking at someone else's bills is definitely inappropriate and I'd password protect the iPad.

I would find that incredibly rude!

Running I can't believe you do that!

If I was in a close family member's house and I noticed that they hadn't written an event on their calendar then I might well write it in for them- why wouldn't you?

iPad and bills, absolutely off limits, though.

Your SIL is rude. As for the poster who said she changes the settings on peoples iPads 'just to annoy them'... Wow. That's incredibly rude. I'm guessing you don't get invited back to many peoples houses.

I put a pin on there as soon as that happened!

Also helped her self to the wifi password in the past and I'm not sure how to change that one!

I'm not very confrontational especially where dp family is concerned as it makes things very awkward all round and generally it's the kids that lose out

I wouldn't dream of writing on anyone's calendar. It's for them to update not me. Perhaps they don't want the event on their calendar or it would already be there.

Have you actually discussed with your dp what happened? Did they discuss going on a day out, and she said "how about 10th March?" He said "I don't know if we are free, can you check the calendar on the wall?" she said "nothing in there, I'll make a note of it so you keep the day free for our day out. Oh and btw, you haven't got DCs birthdays in here, I'll just pop them in for you". It doesn't seem that unreasonable, depending on the the situation.

"Also helped her self to the wifi password in the past and I'm not sure how to change that one!"

Now not wanting a sister to use your wifi is very odd indeed, sorry! Not wanting anyone who comes to your house to use your wifi is pretty bloody odd, but a sister??????

If anyone wants our WiFi password all they have to do is ask.

Tippex the day out.
Do you have other birthdays on the calendar?

You should write things on there like 'colonoscopy' 'wart on arse being removed' etc etc.

Yeah, sorry I have to disagree about the Wi-Fi. Unless you have it capped and she's using a vast amount of MB, no reason not to share it. With everything else, I'd set a password for the iPad and put your foot down over bills and such. I'd also put up another calander and write 'fuck off nosey cow' in every box (I would as well, but I can be a huge PA cow).

"Why wouldn't you?" Because I wouldn't be looking at someone's calendar in the first place.

My MIL is nosy and I don't like it. I suggested to DH that we stop buying Valentine's cards for each other, ostensibly on the grounds that our anniversary is so close I'd rather focus on that (a tbh I'm not bothered about Valentines and neither is he), but in reality because it used to really annoy me watching MIL making a beeline to read them as soon as she came in the house.

It's not that I don't want her to have it but it really annoyed me that she just took it with out asking or being offered it!

Also used my Netflix account without any sort of permission, just watch dp put in the password one time! So when she went home she logged in! Since I've changed the password she pays for her

Own account

DD1 (no partner) has a wall calendar I might browse but wouldnt add anything .But wouldn't look at bills .And would ask to use Lap top etc
DDs ask of they can use my lap top .They know the password I prefer to log out of my email FB etc before they use it though

Actually, now I'm starting to find you a little odd OP- not wanting her to have your wifi password??

And also, thinking about it, it is very sad you wouldn't have your nieces/nephews birthdays on your calendar- this seems like a fairly normal thing to do. Do you have other birthdays on there? (People generally write birthdays on calendars). Was it just her children you left off in a deliberate snub?