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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that adult life (or atleast mine) is so mundane.

48 replies

Abbinob · 18/02/2016 15:23

I'm so bored and fed up.
Wake up. Sort toddler. Take toddler to nursery. Tidy up/study. Pick toddler up at 12. Play. Go to the park over the road/soft play. Cook. Put toddler to bed. Tidy. Eat. Watch t.v sleep.
Uni twice a week.
Repeat for infinity.
Got pregnant at 21, so had a couple of adult responsibility free years. But now I am so bored.
I love ds. But I'm so sick of having no time or money or energy to do anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abbinob · 18/02/2016 15:26

Oh plus the monthly "shall we buy food or actually pay the energy bill/council tax/water bill"
So sick of all this boring worrying. Sick of meal planning. So so bored

OP posts:
Katenka · 18/02/2016 15:27

It an be boring.

But it's sounds like fairly standard life for someone with a toddler.

Trust me, it's gets easier as they get older. I had my first at 21 as well.

I am now 33 with an almost teen and an almost five year old. I have my hobbies back and a life outside running around after them.

Katenka · 18/02/2016 15:28

Oh and Thanks for you!

Earlyday · 18/02/2016 15:30

Yes - I agree
But some people seem to enjoy their lives and have fun- maybe they make more of an effort - or have a better outlook.

I wish I was like SIL - she takes so much joy in staying in with a glass of wine watching a movie. Whereas I just think I'm fed up being inside again - or I think the film in watching is not that interesting. She just has a better outlook on live than me and doesn't overthink thinks like me

Original poster
Abbinob · 18/02/2016 15:34

I used to enjoy life I'm sure, even the mundane TV watching bits, but now it feels like being trapped in some kind of ground hog day situation. I feel like a mean mum saying this but its so boring playing duplo or playdough or whatever over and over and over again.

OP posts:
SpotOn · 18/02/2016 15:52

You're bored because you don't have a choice.

If I have the choice of going out for dinner, or staying in with a glass of wine and a home cooked meal, I prefer to stay in. If I can't afford to go out I get pissed off and want to.

poppiesanddaisies · 18/02/2016 15:54

Might it be a touch of depression?

Gottagetmoving · 18/02/2016 15:55

Make the most of what you have and the time you have.
I know its not easy when you feel in a rut but your life could be so, so much worse. It IS possible to learn to live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is.
I spent years moaning about how dull my life was and now I look back and realise I never made the most of it and wish I could go back and do it again.

magpie17 · 18/02/2016 15:59

I think life can be a bit mundane anyway but even more so if you have kids who are young. Before I had DS I had more freedom but I still had to go to work every day and Hoover and go to the supermarket and pay the bills etc etc etc... Now I do those things too but interspersed by playing with plastic crap and changing nappies. That said, there are real moments of pure joy every single day with DS, which I didn't always get before.

I still fantasise about winning the lottery and being able to travel and do exciting things, but in reality the nappies would still need to be changed and the plastic crap would still need to be played with.

Take pleasure in the little things is my advice. A good catch up with a friend, a nice run on a frosty morning, your favourite tv programme - you get the idea. Currently I am sitting in silence mnetting on my phone in a tidy house while DS sleeps and that will do for today!

scarlets · 18/02/2016 16:03

I felt that way. It gets better as they get older. Having enjoyed the baby stage, I found age 18m - 5 very hard indeed, so repetitive.

You will have more money later, too (assuming your degree leads to a career).

Backingvocals · 18/02/2016 16:07

I totally empathise and this is why work has been a godsend for me. Children are older now (9 and 6) but there are still elements of drudgery and routine which are tough. I am lucky in that I don't need a lot of company and I like to be on my own a lot but even so - sometimes it would be great to just have someone around to have a laugh with or a brief escape from the tedium.

The good news is: 1) it gets better, 2) you are pursuing your uni studies so options will open up for you. In the mean time, can you try just altering your routine a bit in tiny ways to shake it up a little bit - whilst still trying to manage the demands of a toddler. So try another toddler group. Talk to another mum. Arrange a night out with friends and get a babysitter. All things that you might file under "too difficult" when you've got into a rut but you need to shake yourself out of. Or as magpie says. Go for a run, if you don't usually. Or decide to take up something new - a choir. Whatever, just another thing to focus on and take you out of yourself.

shinynewusername · 18/02/2016 16:14

Might it be a touch of depression?

Why is it that when women tell the truth about looking after small children (it can be boring), we treat them as having some sort of illness? MN is brilliant at supporting people who are depressed and I'm sure that poppies's comment was meant in this spirit. But MN does also love medicalising anyone who suggests that domestic life isn't a constant succession of thrills.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 18/02/2016 16:32

I found the toddler stage tedious. Kids are great as babies and preteens IMO

coffeetasteslikeshit · 18/02/2016 16:48

Yanbu. I was soooo bored when mine were that age, my head used to go all foggy at the mere thought of playing with them. (Sorry kids!). It's much much better now, I enjoy my time with them so much more.
I think, like others have said, just try and take pleasure in the small things.

AnneElliott · 18/02/2016 17:05

I agree that toddlers are boring- that's one reason I only had 1 child. I couldn't cope with the idea of doing it all over again!

It definitely does get better. DS is 9 and we have such a great time doing things together and he's also fairly good at amusing himself now too.

Have you got friends with a child a similar age? I always found it helpful to go out with another mum so the kids could help amuse each other.

Backingvocals · 18/02/2016 19:37

And just to prove you really are not alone, I always post this article on these threads: finding children and childcare tedious is a thing

And I agree with shinynewusername Women have been bored by domestic duties and childcare for generations if not millennia. It's just that it's only fairly recently that we're allowed to admit it.

ijustwannadance · 18/02/2016 19:48

Yes it's boring as shit.

Sunshine87 · 18/02/2016 19:51

I adore spending time with my toddler shes such a delight to be with x

shinynewusername · 18/02/2016 19:57

Women have been bored by domestic duties and childcare for generations if not millennia. It's just that it's only fairly recently that we're allowed to admit it

Except that I'm not sure we are allowed to admit it. In some ways, the pressure to find motherhood wonderful seems stronger than ever, fuelled by the advertising industry and social media. I find it quite sinister that women have so internalised the message that we should always enjoy motherhood that the automatic response when someone says she is bored is to suggest she is ill. We don't seem to have moved on much from The Feminine Mystique and putting any woman who wasn't a happy homemaker on tranquilisers.

confusedandemployed · 18/02/2016 19:58

Yes, it's dead boring. I try to take my pleasure where I can and when I can afford it

Also get out as much as possible! Not just to the park. We go to friends' houses, for a dog walk, out on the bike, swimming, library, to a cafe for cake and squash, get the bus into town - anything rather than stay in and do play doh.

DD is nearly 3 now and much more fun than even just 6 months ago so I'd agree that it does get better.

Also, the following does all cost money but things which relieve the boredom:

  • a second 'screen' so you dont have to watch fucking Frozen on a loop
  • drinking! By that I mean that I occasionally have a drink at home rather than only when I go out
  • a good babysitter. We only use ours once in a blue moon but she's ace and it's great to get out of the house
Spero · 18/02/2016 19:59

I read a brilliant Sci Fi story a long time ago and now am not sure who wrote it, but I think it was Ray Bradbury.

In a nutshell, it was about a man agonising over whether to pay a vast sum to someone to drink a potion that would given him his hearts desire. He went home and thought about it, thought about it some more, years of mundane life went past... and then it turned out that this WAS his heart's desire, he was in reality living in some post apocalyptic hell hole and re living his previous mundane life was what he really wanted.

I think you might be depressed. I am not saying you are not allowed to be depressed but sometimes perspective can help. Life is not always thrills and spills. But you are probably luckier than you know. And this awful stage will pass. I hated it too.

cleaty · 18/02/2016 20:03

I think living through hard times makes you change your viewpoint. I have learned to treasure mundane and find joy in everyday things.
The last 2 years have been very hard and I realise how much I took for granted.

But it is good to do new things. Even if it is a new coffee shop or playground.

KP86 · 18/02/2016 20:05

Oh, I think SpotOn has it, well, spot on!!

I'm sure DH thinks I have an easy life staying at home all day with our 22mo, meeting up with friends, going to the park, having days out. But NONE of it is for me, it is all for DS' benefit.

What I wouldn't give for one or two days per week where I could do what I wanted to do, just for me.

theshameofitall · 18/02/2016 20:08

I wouldn't say bored, but I would say driven mad with the claustrophobia of it all. Then the guilt, that I am somehow not available enough or always trying to get on my phone to check the news or see something happening in the world.

shinynewusername · 18/02/2016 20:09

I adore spending time with my toddler shes such a delight to be with

Yeah, that is the other way we police women's opinions and shut them down when they express boredom Hmm

It's great that you enjoy your DD, sunshine87, but not sure why you feel the need to kick the OP when she's down?