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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is cheeky and refuse to pay?

134 replies

Evaisaiah · 18/02/2016 09:46

It was dm's birthday recently and money is tight at the moment so i took her out for a lunch and bought her a book she wanted, all seemed fine. However dsis knew that dm had been after a new TV so dsis and another sister (there are 5 of us!) decided to buy her a new one.
Now me and other dsis have received texts saying 'Hi E, hope you are ok. Please could you leave the 50pound towards the TV at mums house, cheers'.

WTF, there has been no discussion or agreement at all beforehand that we were paying towards their present. AIBU that this is cheeky?

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 18/02/2016 11:15

Not your fault Evaisaiah, she went ahead without your knowledge, you shouldn't have to feel bad as you've done nothing wrong. What would your mum think if she knew this was happening?

twopinkkittens · 18/02/2016 11:15

OP no, to prevent further tension/bad feeling you will have to be honest. Instead of texting - call her and explain why you wont be contributing as she should of asked first!! Simple.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 18/02/2016 11:16

Eva if you don't stand your ground you are going to look like a doormat.

DSis does not have the right to spend your money without consulting you.

Another vote for pictish's reply- it is breezy yet firm. Send that and she won't do it again.

iwantavuvezela · 18/02/2016 11:16

Could you answer back then with, "Of course, but I will need to just deduct the X amount for lunch and present that I have already done, so therefore I will pass on the extra £££. Could I do this after payday as no-one mentioned the joint gift to me!

That way at least you get to make the point of what you have already paid, and deduct it from their overall amount which they have paid.

Fairenuff · 18/02/2016 11:16

'I knew you were buying a tv between you but didn't realise you had included me in that. It's too late now as I've already bought mum a present and lunch but do let me know if you ever consider a joint gift again and I'll let you know if I'm in or not x'

Pleasant and to the point.

Surely the others can put in an extra £15 each to cover your share OP?

chibsortig · 18/02/2016 11:16

So you look like an ogre they will get over it just say no! You have treated your mum on her birthday, you have done your bit spending time and having lunch with her.
The tv is nothing to do with you. Let them know this and ask in future they ask you if you want to be included in big presents rather than assuming.

chibsortig · 18/02/2016 11:17

So you look like an orge they will get over it just say no! You have treated your mum on her birthday, you have done your bit spending time and having lunch with her.
The tv is nothing to do with you. Let them know this and ask in future they ask you if you want to be included in big presents rather than assuming.

RebootYourEngine · 18/02/2016 11:23

Please, please, please do not pay.

If you do you will be seen as a mug and it will continue to happen. The money requests will get worse.

StuffEverywhere · 18/02/2016 11:29

How rude. And on so many levels! Unless you have stray £50 notes lying around everywhere then quite definitely the right thing to do is NOT to pay.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/02/2016 12:02

FGS don't pay it! If you do, you'll get clobbered by this again and again.

Just say taht you've already given your mother your present and you won't be contributing to this one, sorry.
DO NOT enter into any arguments over it, or swallow any guilt trips - they've got the money, you haven't, they've got a bloody cheek, don't let them get away with it!!

Treeroot · 18/02/2016 12:06

I appreciate that it's a difficult situation, but I think if you pay up this time you're setting a precedent - what next, a holiday that you haven't been told about?!

diddl · 18/02/2016 12:08

I agree that you shouldn't pay.

PovertyPain · 18/02/2016 12:19

I can just see your sister crowing to your mum about how it was her idea and wanting all the credit, even though everyone has chipped in. I couldn't be bothered with that.

LurkingHusband · 18/02/2016 12:26

Could you answer back then with, "Of course, but I will need to just deduct the X amount for lunch and present that I have already done ..."

The problem is that effectively validates the Dsis behaviour in the first place, which I am guessing is not what the OP wants, nor wants her Dsis to think .....

decisionsdecisions123 · 18/02/2016 12:27

Everyone here is telling you not to pay and I agree. I think you need to get in touch with your other sister and convince her not to pay towards it and then as others have suggested, just politely say you assumed the TV gift was only between 2 sisters and so you went out and did your own thing. Simple.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/02/2016 12:27

The suggested replies from pictish or Fairenuff are perfect replies to your sister.

If you worry about what they will feel about receiving a reply like that, you'll never send one and you'll get dragged into paying for lavish gifts without consultation again and again.

Send it and let your other sister know that is what you're doing. She may be grateful that you're not paying and it might make her stand up too.

Sophie38 · 18/02/2016 12:28

Highlight fail there Lack, did you have a useful contribution to make, or are you just here to take the piss out of other people's attempts?

SevenOfNineTrue · 18/02/2016 12:38

Just to add to the chorus of do not pay. yorkshapudding response is perfect.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/02/2016 12:43

Ynbu. She choose to act like big time McAlpine buying something she clearly could not afford and not needed. Why would she you put your hand in your pocket.

Fox28 · 18/02/2016 12:44

What about the 5th sister? Is she contributing?

You need to say no now, otherwise they'll feel they can do this sort of thing again. I'm sure your DM will understand, and appreciated the time you spent with her out for lunch much more than money towards a tv.

EweAreHere · 18/02/2016 12:58

Don't you dare contribute. Your sisters were completely out of order, and they will do it again if you do. The television is from them and they can pay for it. Stand firm.

You spent time with your mum, you took her out to lunch and bought her a book that she wanted, all very thoughtful.

CoraPirbright · 18/02/2016 13:14

Def don't pay! I would text back "oh! I wish I had known! I would have loved to have done a joint present but I had no idea this is what you were planning. I have already taken mum out for lunch & bought a gift so it won't be possible to go in on this with you but do let me know next time!" Copy all the siblings in so there can be no doubt about what you said!!

Original poster

Evaisaiah · 18/02/2016 14:35

The other sister is half way across the world so she is excused from it. It has happened before and I didn't pay as dm had stayed with us for a while rent free whilst her accommodation was sorted out so I felt I had contributed my fair share. They didn't push it last time, this time they are.

OP posts:

Original poster

Evaisaiah · 18/02/2016 14:39

Last time the share was 200 each!

OP posts:

decisionsdecisions123 · 18/02/2016 14:41

Maybe just say, 'sorry, I already got her a present/took her out. Didn't realise you were expecting us all to go in on the TV. Just count me out of all future joint gifts, thanks.

Does your mum realise all of this is she is asking you to leave the money at your mums house?

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