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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this poster in a train station wrong?

781 replies

megadude · 15/02/2016 16:43

Hi Mumsnetters,

I'd be interested to read your opinions about this poster. I don't want to say right now what I think about it, as I'd like to know how you'd interpret it.

TIA,
Megadude

To find this poster in a train station wrong?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
BertrandRussell · 16/02/2016 15:40

I think you're under- thinking it.

OnlyLovers · 16/02/2016 15:44

over analyse. Another one for the bingo game. V similar to our old MN bingo favourite 'over-thinking', which, as you point out, Bertrand, is not much in evidence...

maamalady · 16/02/2016 15:56

Just a quick pompom-wave for Jeanne, TooOld, Bertrand, and the OP. Annoying toddler means I don't have time to write a useful and coherent post, but I am lurking and agreeing with you all :)

TooOldForGlitter · 16/02/2016 15:59

No, we're not over analysing it, you're under analysing I'm afraid.

EponasWildDaughter · 16/02/2016 16:02

If the poster actually said ''women - stick together in unsafe areas'', would that be better, worse or no different?

Genuine Q to all.

NNalreadyinuse · 16/02/2016 16:05

ghosty I don't think that list you provided describes the thinking of normal men. None of the men I know would consider any of that behaviour acceptable.

I also believe that some men can masquerade as decent people, while not actually being so. It is never a woman's fault if she comes across one of them in life.

I don't buy that Ched Evans didn't know what he did was wrong. I think he knew and didn't care. But given that there are some men out there who wouldn't use the word rape to describe having sex with someone who has passed out, then yes I do think they need to be made fully aware that this is what they are doing. While they may not have called it rape to themselves, I think they still know it is wrong. In defending CE, they are doing what I said earlier and making excuses for him because his worth is greater to them than that of the woman. This does need addressing in society. I still think those men are very much in the minority.

Jeanne, to me the drink drive campaigns are aimed at people too stupid to realise that alcohol impairs reactions. Not everyone with a car. My dad never drank and then got behind the wheel of a car, even when some other people did. I still maintain it is fear of consequence that stopped the majority of drink driving as well as re educating the public as to the dangers and that is what we need in order to force change regarding the treatment of women.

Psycobabble · 16/02/2016 16:06

The things is though I believe this poster is targeting a particular type of attack. Gettin home safe with your mates not ending up alone in a deserted tube station for example

This is not about a date were the man decides to get a women drunk and take advantage

Or a partner thinking that "no" doesn't apply to them .

The whole understanding of consent needs drumming into young men /men absolutley it does . But in neither of the above situations would you be with your mates would you

To me it's aimed entirely to avoid putting yourself into a vulnerable situation after a night out.

So while this has descended into all men need telling not to rape people etc etc and then basically sayin those who aren't bothered by this poster obviously must think otherwise . No . No at all.

But the type of attack this poster is aiming to remind women to protect themselfs from is not a regular guy with a misunderstanding ( I use that term loosely I have no sympathy for these guys) of consent

The guy who preys on lone women on the street. Intentionally. Knowing he is going to rape someone .

TooOldForGlitter · 16/02/2016 16:08

Of course it wouldn't be better Eponas, if anything that's worse! So the women who didn't stick together get what's coming to them? The woman who has no choice but to be alone may as well just stay safely at home?

BlondeOnATreadmill · 16/02/2016 16:15

There's nothing wrong with this Poster.

It's only saying what I think we all say to teenage girls when they go out : "stick together"

I know that I, and my DD's friends parents have always said this. You know, like, "don't split up", "get a taxi together", "don't leave anyone behind"

The fact that anyone can take offence, because "it's aimed at women/there isn't a similar poster for men", is more worrying to me.

Why on earth do we have to pretend that men and women are the same? They aren't. It's Political Correctness gone mad.

I have a son and a daughter. I would be more worried about my daughter walking through a dark alleyway than my son. That's because my son is over 6ft and quite well built. Daughter is a tiny framed and 5ft 2. And, there are more male predators than female.

Bring back common sense, FGS.

TooOldForGlitter · 16/02/2016 16:17

If that's common sense then I'm very happy to stay on the side of political correctness gorn mad thanks!

sashh · 16/02/2016 16:18

You could have all the posters in the world saying don't rape people . Rapists know rape is illegal yet they choose to do it anyway

I wish that was true.

Have a look at Ched Evans- he seems to still believe a locked hotel door=consent.

To me it's aimed entirely to avoid putting yourself into a vulnerable situation after a night out.

What by going home? By going home with a friend? By going home with someone you think is a friend but turns out to be a rapist?

FRPownaf · 16/02/2016 16:19

Sorry!!.. I was commenting on the original post re the poster, not the bit about men being attacked.
There ore nutters of all sexes etc. all people should be aware of what's going on around them and the possibilities of being attacked by someone, whoever you are.

Psycobabble · 16/02/2016 16:19

But iv mentioned this up thread and didn't get a response do / will people not say to their daughters : stay with your friends. Put money back for a taxi . Call me if you can't get a taxi

How is that any different hearing that from someone to seeing it on a poster ??

TooOldForGlitter · 16/02/2016 16:22

You genuinely can't see the difference between saying something to one of your children and a public poster in a public place seen daily by thousands of people?

Psycobabble · 16/02/2016 16:22

And ched Evans will have known what he was doing was wrong I'm convinced he did . But were there is any confusion over consent how will posters saying don't rape people ( what my comment was in response to ) help if the man doesn't think what he is doing is rape??

BlondeOnATreadmill · 16/02/2016 16:24

TooOld So women shouldn't look out for one another, on a night out then? If a friend of yours was estranged from the group, you'd just leave her behind? I was watching an American docu the other night, where 3 women went out. One got separated from the group. The other 2 were drunk and didn't look for her. They left her at the club. They knew she was drunk. She never made it home. Turned up dead a few weeks later. Me and my mates always made sure we stuck together. I don't know how anyone can take offence at women having each others backs. Because whether we like it or not, there are dangerous men out there.

OnlyLovers · 16/02/2016 16:24

Political Correctness gone mad

Bring back common sense

And I'm pretty sure that's a full house.

Psycobabble · 16/02/2016 16:26

Not in principal no. It's the same message " there shouldn't be risk for you but unfortunately there is , please try minimise that risk"

But then I don't see the poster as victim blaming or giving a message out to men saying "well we've told then to walk home in groups so if they don't well they probably deserve it"

NNalreadyinuse · 16/02/2016 16:26

I will be telling sons and daughter to stick with friends and not get so drunk you can't look out for yourself. My brothers have both been the victims of attacks while out.

BlondeOnATreadmill · 16/02/2016 16:29

And no, I don't think it's offensive on a Poster. Maybe if I was a black belt in Karate, I might see that poster and say tongue in cheek "Pfft, no man could over power me" and have a chuckle at the irony of it, but the truth is, I am 5ft 2, slim and could not get away from any size of man if he decided to attack me. The poster may not be "PC", but I hate "PC" anyway, it's boringly over rated.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 16/02/2016 16:30

I don't know how anyone can take offence at women having each others backs.

Neither do I, but since this is clearly unrelated to anything said on this thread, I'm guessing you intended to start a new thread and posted in the wrong place? No?

BreakingDad77 · 16/02/2016 16:33

I have a son and a daughter. I would be more worried about my daughter walking through a dark alleyway than my son. That's because my son is over 6ft

You say that but tall guys have told me about people always wanting to start fights with them when out......

TooOldForGlitter · 16/02/2016 16:35

Where did I say that Blonde? I've looked back and I can't see where I said anything of the sort. I'm also struggling to see any poster suggesting that women shouldn't have their friends backs.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 16/02/2016 16:40

YY, agree with that breaking. When I was in my late teens, I was going out with a bloke who was 6'4. Gentlest person ever, but everyone wanted to start things with him. There's a certain kind of drunk who thinks the tall bloke is a challenge. Hmm

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 16/02/2016 16:41

I find it really dismissive when people just cry 'bingo' and 'full house', or say that those who might disagree are hard of thinking or not enlightened or determined not to see.

I might have a different opinion, but not because I haven't thought about it and considered other viewpoints; I'm not unwilling to change my mind, either, if a discussion convinced me. But as soon as people come out with stuff like that, I don't want to continue the conversation. And somehow, that's how debates about this sort of thing always end up. I find that I feel patronised, talked over, and dismissed, and it completely puts me off any discussions about women's rights/issues.