To be upset by this valentines card message

[WineIsMyMainVice]

Bit of background. Me and DH not been getting on too well recently. Hopefully it's just a bad patch, but the pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff etc means that we've been arguing lot more. We've been talking though.
We don't usually do much for valentines, but always exchange cards and maybe have a nice meal etc.
DH gave me a lovely card this morning, and this is what he'd written in it:
"Dear Wine,
You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot."
Is it me? Lovely message, but the use of the word actually. AAIBU? I really want to know if I've been over sensitive.
Thanks.

[NeutralName]

greencottage Sun 14-Feb-16 12:14:09

My DH has been seriously ill for the last two months and it has affected his mind. This loving, professional, intelligent man gave me a card that said "ter finr eok yo" and addressed to the wrong name. I would give the world right now to have the message you got.

Please appreciate what you've got while you've got it. LIfe can change in an instant.

^^THIS. A thousand million percent ^*THIS.^

What did you write in his out of interest?

And yes, I understand your sensitivity but YABVVU IMO.

Enjoy your day and please be grateful for your love

[Hellochicken]

Over sensitive.

Could he have meant he does actually love you, as in he really (in truth) loves you. Trying to emphasise that his love is real. Or worst case scenario, he actually loves you, but thinks you may not feel it because of the pressures you are under now?

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

I think the OP made a mistake posting in AIBU but just because she did it doesn't mean people should now pile in and make a woman who's feeling rather vulnerable feel a whole lot worse.

Greencottage, Im sorry your husband is so ill and I wish him a good recovery. But just as I understand how you feel and the sentiments behind your post (my son is severely disabled and has an awful quality if life) I think posting the kind of thing you did is a bit over the top. Do we really need to make people feel guilty about their very human feelings just because of what we have going on in life? I think not.

[FaFoutis]

My DH said something like this to me when I was giving birth. We had been really struggling with life, it was an acknowledgement of that and I thought it was lovely and honest.

[Movingonmymind]

Sounds like a lovely and sincere way of acknowledging th tricky stuff while still meaning the sentiment. Think you're overthinking and should take him at his word.

[Mag314]

I think I'd read it like, this walks like a duck (shit) and talks like a duck (shit) but would you believe me if I said it's not actually a duck???

It does sound like he's digging deep. This is why valentines is shit. Pressure to be romantic today. You were fine yesterday.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yabvu, its a lovely message.

[Luckygirlcharlie]

Roll your eyes all you like trills. Speaking from my experience of my dh and what he says of himself and his own friends.

[Luckygirlcharlie]

And as I said - I think it was lovely thing to write so try not to overthink it

[Topseyt]

It is a lovely message. I hope things get easier for you soon, OP.

I know what it is like to have the pressures of young children and the money worries it can cause. It is all pervasive.

[LilacAndLovely]

Lilac why would you think someone writing that is saying they are an asshole sometimes? I would imagine the only asshole is the one reading the message in your case

Wow peggy someone clearly shit on your chips today Why the venom? My post was a nice one to the op and supportive. I just posted my interpretation of what it may mean.

[Helmetbymidnight]

he's a guy and they have epic communication fails sometimes

Well, he hasn't had an epic communication fail, and I don't understand the idea that men have a propensity for epic communication fails at all.

[museumum]

To me, his message is 100x better than an obviously fake "our life is a bed of romantic red roses" card.
That's not true. Clearly from what you've said.
What he's written sounds like it is true.

[Pastamancer]

I just wrote To DH love Pasta. Don't see the point of writing a message as the card has words on it already

[wigglesrock]

I know many posters have said it before me but I think you're knackered, worried, stressed, knackered again and are just overthinking it. I was snippy with my husband yesterday, quite arsey in fact. Combination of tiredness, thinking about something else, trying to organise kids stuff, bad working shifts - the usual, but I was a bit off. I sent him a text last night (he was working and I never text him at work) but I felt shite. It contained the line "I do actually love you very much".

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

Wiggle -

[iMogster]

I think we are all reading it as it is intended as we have no emotions attached. He meant, although times have been tough and I haven't shown you my love as much, I do really love you.

I understand how you might interpret it differently as you are feeling vulnerable and sensitive. I hope this is the start of your relationship healing and returning to the full love you shared before and can share again.

All the best

[Supermam]

Chin up OP! To echo everyone, his message is lovely & you sound like you both need some more sleep!