To be upset by this valentines card message

[WineIsMyMainVice]

Bit of background. Me and DH not been getting on too well recently. Hopefully it's just a bad patch, but the pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff etc means that we've been arguing lot more. We've been talking though.
We don't usually do much for valentines, but always exchange cards and maybe have a nice meal etc.
DH gave me a lovely card this morning, and this is what he'd written in it:
"Dear Wine,
You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot."
Is it me? Lovely message, but the use of the word actually. AAIBU? I really want to know if I've been over sensitive.
Thanks.

[EastMidsMummy]

DP wrote 'love DP' in mine but I know that he spent ages choosing exactly the right kind of message on the front.

Ha ha! Not if he's a man. Men are genetically incapable of reading words on cards.

[HaveIGotAClue]

Coincidentally, I just read the following article during the week.

time.com/10686/1-word-that-immediately-kills-your-credibility/

I think that what he is saying is that maybe you don't always know it, he does actually love you.

[bettyblueeyes83]

greencottage Wishing better health for your DH

[scarednoob]

Not unreasonable - but oversensitive perhaps. I am sure he means, "in case you had been thinking I don't because of the silly arguments".

[WineIsMyMainVice]

Well, Mumsnet has spoken! I think that this is an overwhelming resounding I am definitely BU!!!!

Thanks for all your lovely messages and words of support. I think that I am feeling so over sensitive right now and obviously placed far too much emphasis on one word!
Thanks again.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

yabu

as others have said, he meant it as we re having problems but i still love you no matter what

i think its lovely and tbh unlike a man (sorry)

he could have just written

love you

[Trills]

I think it's nicer and more heartfelt than a generic message.

A generic "love you lots" could mean that he hadn't really THOUGHT about it.

The "actually" shows that he's properly thought about how things have been and wants you to know it.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

FFS.

Sounds like he can't win with you.

[iMatter]

I would have understood his message to mean "I really do love you even though I don't show it/am being an arse/we aren't getting on right now"

I think it's a good, positive and kind message.

You're probably just feeling a bit fragile at the moment.

Give him a hug.

[Gruntfuttock]

goodnightdarthvader1 just what I thought. I feel sorry for the poor bloke.

[TheChimpParadox]

Grunt and Goodnight - give the OP a break. Sometimes relationships get tough.

[CatchAPlaneToBarcelona]

I think it's lovely. The 'actually' refers to the fact that in spite of how it may sometimes seem, he really does love you.

He's acknowledging that things are tough at the moment, for all the reasons you've mentioned yourself, but that he loves you very much and together you'll get through it.

[Deadnettle]

I think yabu too.

My Dh wrote "insert romantic message here" in my card

[NewLife4Me]

Ah, that's lovely and imo part of what valentines is about.
You've had a rough patch, it's like this when dc are little.
He's acknowledging that he understands this, isn't worried at all because he really loves you and things will be fine again soon.
Go give him a huge kiss.

[LogicalTest]

My husband wrote 'Valentines Day is a load of old codswollop but I like the blow job and gifts soooooo....HVD!!'

Over sensitive, but understandable: love him back .

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

I agree it's a lovely message, acknowledging that things haven't been easy but that he still loves you very much.

Would mean a lot more to me than a generic gushy phrase.

hope things improve for you both soon. It's not easy when the dc are really small. It does get easier.

[Vintage45]

Are you still resentful over something?

[Luckygirlcharlie]

I know what you mean but he's a guy and they have epic communication fails sometimes when trying to be lovely don't they! So Y probably ABU!

[Trills]

he's a guy and they have epic communication fails sometimes



People have communication failures sometimes. Often it's both parties who have contributed to the misunderstanding. Please let's not descend to "men are no good at communicating".

[OTheHugeManatee]

I think he's saying 'Despite having been a grumpy git at you recently I do actually love you deeply'. I wouldn't treat this as a coded insult.

[mummytippy]

You're welcome Wine Mumsnet is good for 'outsiders looking in' on situations for true clarity. Hope you have a great Valentines Day!

[SoftBlocks]

I think he's trying to say 'Look, I know we haven't been getting along so well, and maybe it seems that I don't love you, but I do'. That's a really sweet card IMO.

[Helmetbymidnight]

What's with the 'men can't communicate', 'men can't read cards' men rarely write nice messages' on this thread now?

Jeez.

[Gruntfuttock]

I agree Helmet. I thought the message was heartfelt and more meaningful than a generic Valentine's Day message. I don't think there's anything wrong with his communication skills at all.

[ManneryTowers]

Yabu. I got sweet fa today. Apparently 'card should have arrived last Friday' so he blames the post.
Now he's gone out shopping for lightbulbs. Bit pissed off really.