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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this valentines card message

118 replies

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/02/2016 10:55

Bit of background. Me and DH not been getting on too well recently. Hopefully it's just a bad patch, but the pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff etc means that we've been arguing lot more. We've been talking though.
We don't usually do much for valentines, but always exchange cards and maybe have a nice meal etc.
DH gave me a lovely card this morning, and this is what he'd written in it:
"Dear Wine,
You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot."
Is it me? Lovely message, but the use of the word actually. AAIBU? I really want to know if I've been over sensitive.
Thanks.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 14/02/2016 11:11

DP and I are crap at Valentine's. We have each given the other a card, but have just written "To x" at the top and "love from Y" at the bottom.

I'd have loved the thoughtful message that you've had from your DH. You are definitely reading too much into it.

GloriaHotcakes · 14/02/2016 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/02/2016 11:13

I think it's lovely.

Cocolepew · 14/02/2016 11:13

Its lovely

SwedishEdith · 14/02/2016 11:14

Yeah, what did you write in his? Nothing wrong with his message.

bakeoffcake · 14/02/2016 11:15

I think it's a lovely message too.

abigamarone · 14/02/2016 11:15

In that context the 'actually' is emphasising that every word is true. It's a thoughtful message, surely better than a generic 'love, Pete x'?

vestandknickers · 14/02/2016 11:16

Its a lovely message. Thoughtful, not just the usual glib valentines shit. YABU.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/02/2016 11:16

Did you get weird with him about it, if so you need to apologise

Sallystyle · 14/02/2016 11:16

YABU

It's a nice message.

hilbil21 · 14/02/2016 11:17

So I think we are all in agreement SmileSmile

Chewbecca · 14/02/2016 11:18

That's a positive message

Narp · 14/02/2016 11:20

That's his acknowledgment that either

a) it's been hard recently

and/or

b) he thinks maybe you don't believe it or he doesn't show it enough

I think it's an opportunity to have a conversation about that

KitKat1985 · 14/02/2016 11:21

YABU. I think it's his way of writing 'I know things are a bit crap right now, but I still love you'. I think it's a lovely message.

Trickydecision · 14/02/2016 11:21

You have not been getting on well, DH sends you a nice reassuring message, you dissect the meaning rather than accept it gracefully.

Are you sure that part of the reason for your not getting on is your unchivalrous attitude to his olive branches?

firesidechat · 14/02/2016 11:22

He is saying that he loves you even if he doesn't always show it.

Over sensitive.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/02/2016 11:24

Why are you upset about it? What exactly is upsetting you about his use of the word "actually" - he's telling you that even though you're going through a bad patch, he still does love you - I'd say it means more than if he'd just put "Dear Wine, love you, Wine'sDH".

He's telling you that you're great and he loves you. Accept it for what it is and stop being so down on him!

allnewredfairy · 14/02/2016 11:24

YabU OP ☺
This sounds like it was meant with the est if intentions to reassure you that despite all tht's hoing on he loves you.
my message in my card this morning read 'believe it or not I love you' but I know where he's coming from. I think you are possibly just feeling vulnerable at the moment Flowers

Marynary · 14/02/2016 11:27

It's a really nice message. "actually" just means despite what you may think at the moment.

chemenger · 14/02/2016 11:28

I think it sounds like a sincere and carefully thought out message saying that despite what things look like he really loves you. Why do you view it with such suspicion? I struggle to find a negative interpretation of that message and if I had written it to dh and it upset him I would be devastated.

AyeAmarok · 14/02/2016 11:31

Yep, YABU Smile

It's a nice message, actually.

chemenger · 14/02/2016 11:32

DH is away just now, this thread made me text him. Sorely tempted to put an "actually" in there. We don't usually bother with Valentines day at all.

edwinbear · 14/02/2016 11:32

It's beautiful. He's being man enough to acknowledge you are having a rough patch, but it is only a rough patch and he still loves you to bits and fully confident things will get back on course. It would have been insincere if he had glossed over the rough patch.

lazyarse123 · 14/02/2016 11:41

I think it's a lovely message. You're very lucky, my husband of 34 years wouldn't know a valentine's card if it bit him on the arse.

TheImprobableGirl · 14/02/2016 11:44

YABU sorry, it's a lovely message, it means that actually despite what it may seem and what has gone one I still love you lots and lots :)

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