Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this valentines card message

118 replies

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/02/2016 10:55

Bit of background. Me and DH not been getting on too well recently. Hopefully it's just a bad patch, but the pressure of two DC under 3, some money problems and general life stuff etc means that we've been arguing lot more. We've been talking though.
We don't usually do much for valentines, but always exchange cards and maybe have a nice meal etc.
DH gave me a lovely card this morning, and this is what he'd written in it:
"Dear Wine,
You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot."
Is it me? Lovely message, but the use of the word actually. AAIBU? I really want to know if I've been over sensitive.
Thanks.

OP posts:
tingon · 14/02/2016 11:44

It's a good message, and sounds heartfelt.

Viviennemary · 14/02/2016 11:44

I think that's a lovely message. I'd take it he was meaning that life has been a struggle with two such small children and lack of money. But he loves you. YABU. Massively.

NinaSimoneful · 14/02/2016 11:44

I'd definately be happy with that, personally. I wrote in DHs card 'I love you, even if I'm in too bad a mood these days to show it' I hope he's not offended!

FWIW he hasn't got me a card at all

Branleuse · 14/02/2016 11:44

i think its nice

Gobbolino6 · 14/02/2016 11:57

I like it. He means that although things have been rough, he loves you very much. It's meaningful.

Battleshiphips2 · 14/02/2016 12:04

It's sweet. He's just acknowledging that you're having a bit of a rough time but that despite that he really does love you. If it was my DH and we were having a rough patch I would feel an overly gushing sentimental card was not sincere. That is perfect though. Keep talking and I hope things pick up for you.

LilacAndLovely · 14/02/2016 12:06

You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart and I do actually love you a whole lot

I interpret this as 'You are beautiful, funny, caring and smart. Even though we've been arguing and sometimes things are shit and sometimes i'm an asshole, I don't want you to ever forget that I love you a whole lot'.

I think there's a touch of insecurity in there - that maybe he doubts that you think he really loves you, and wants to reassure you.

It's really heartfelt and a lovely message I think op.

Helmetbymidnight · 14/02/2016 12:10

I'm with everyone - its a nice message, acknowledging both the love AND the difficulties you're having.

When DH had his 40th birthday, I was hating him for something. I just wrote, ' from Helmet', in his card ;)

greencottage · 14/02/2016 12:14

My DH has been seriously ill for the last two months and it has affected his mind. This loving, professional, intelligent man gave me a card that said "ter finr eok yo" and addressed to the wrong name. I would give the world right now to have the message you got. Please appreciate what you've got while you've got it. LIfe can change in an instant.

blindsider · 14/02/2016 12:27

The 'actually' I think is acknowledgement of the difficulties you have faced and is effectively saying despite what it's been like , the love is still there !!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/02/2016 12:33

YABU, it's a lovely message.

What gorgeous heartfelt message did you write to him?

ohnofloorboards · 14/02/2016 12:33

what did you card say? Smile

His message is quite sweet but i understand why you would feel sensitive and read between the lines if you are going through a rough patch. Two under threes? Hell. Its tough. Thanks hang in there it will get better eventually

IrishDad79 · 14/02/2016 12:38

Christ, did he wear the wrong colour shoelaces too?

TheChimpParadox · 14/02/2016 12:39

It's a lovely message.

Me and DH are going through a rough time at the moment - it happens in long term relationships for one reason or another. We both acknowledge that without each other we would be nothing. To have a card like this when going through a bad patch says a lot.

Take a deep breath , embrace the message and your DH ThanksSmile

Janeymoo50 · 14/02/2016 12:45

YABU, he is telling you he actually loves you because he must be feeling you think he doesn't (if that makes sense).

mummytippy · 14/02/2016 12:45

I's 'man-speak' for ''I might not always show it and things have been tough, but I love you''. You should be happy Smile

FireDay · 14/02/2016 12:46

YABU he's trying to say that he's he knows you've got problems at the moment but you know what he does really love you!

Don't be too sensitive.

Ginkypig · 14/02/2016 12:48

I think it's nice he's not ignoring the fact that things arnt perfect because you could easily have get a card and come on here saying something like.

We're havin a rocky patch and he's got me a lovely card but really does it even matter, it's a lovely message but it's basically a lie as that is not how things are for us just now.

Aquiver · 14/02/2016 12:49

It's a lovely message! I think you are reading something in to it that isn't there Confused

Stylingwax · 14/02/2016 12:49

Aw it's lovely. DP wrote 'love DP' in mine but I know that he spent ages choosing exactly the right kind of message on the front.

peggyundercrackers · 14/02/2016 12:51

Lilac why would you think someone writing that is saying they are an asshole sometimes? I would imagine the only asshole is the one reading the message in your case.

TheChimpParadox · 14/02/2016 12:56

We can all be assholes when going through rough times.

Whatever we think whether DP is saying he's an asshole or not - the message is he loves the OP despite what's going on.

MadamDeathstare · 14/02/2016 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 14/02/2016 12:57

Here's to happy times OP, it's a lovely message Flowers

notonyurjellybellynelly · 14/02/2016 13:02

That was a lovely message, he was re-assurung you that its all going to be Ok.

Take heart from it and have a lovely cuddle together. You know the kind where your hearts are kind of level with each others and you just rest there letting the love seep into each other.