Mums in the boys' swimming changing rooms?

[Dadof3boys]

Sorry to intrude here, but this is a genuine question and I would be interested to hear your views.

I have always taken my 3 sons swimming, but have only recently started to feel uneasy at the many women in the male communal changing rooms helping their sons (some up to the age of 9/10) get changed.

I feel that we have segregated facilities for a reason throughout society: remember the outrage over mixed sex hospital wards? I don't think it right for my sons to have to follow the rules on being in the 'correct' facility only to find a grown woman in front of them in the swimming changing room.

I have recently asked mums in the boys' changing room to (politely) use the girls' changing room. When faced with a roll of the eyes and a mutter of "I'm only here for him", I ask if they would be happy to find me, a grown man, in the girls'...? I could also argue that if their boys are old enough to be embarrassed to be in the girls', then they are old enough to dress alone! They have all left fairly quickly not wishing to have the argument. The swimming lesson manager is a wet fish...

My wife is embarrassed and leaves the lessons to me now, but accepts my logic!

AIBU?

Op wasn't unreasonable at all. I wouldn't expect the opposite gender parent in the changing rooms.
Thr chabging rooms around us are all unisex/inidividial cubicles so it isnt an issue but My ds is 8 and I dread the day we go to a pool where I have to choose. My son is more than capable of dressing himself but I wouldn't be comfortable sending him into changing rooms away from me full of naked grown men. I don't even like sending him to the men's toilets.

I'm with you, OP.

If I had small boys with me, they would go into the women's changing room with me.

I'd be annoyed if a man was in the women's changing rooms, in fact it just wouldn't happen at our gym.

Erm - if the 8 year old can't get dressed in their own - shouldn't they learn? Fast? They'd need to do it if they have school swimming lessons? So why not when they go with their parents? Sounds like their is a lot of smothering going to me!!

Obvs exceptions for special needs - but there should be seperate changing rooms for that! & absolutely no opposite sex adults in changing rooms!! Geeeze - isn't that an arrest able offence?!

YANBU! We had the same problem in reverse at my DS's old swimming lessons - dads coming into the female changing rooms with their daughters and a couple of us spoke quietly to the staff who put up a sign asking adults to take their children into the changing room of the adult's gender. There were some older girls changing in the room who were clearly very embarrassed at having to change with a man present - this was an open changing room, no cubicles - and I can totally imagine boys feeling the same in the reverse situation.

Bit late to the party here... But yadnbu. Between my dp, soon to be mil, and myself we always use the gender appropriate changing room for the adult with my DC (6 boy and 3 girl - on separate days fortunately!)
Never have I seen anyone even try to enter the "wrong" changing room. If they did I am sure that they would be politely but firmly asked to leave. I was asked recently to take a towel in to a 7year old who had forgotten it, so his mum Did not have to enter. There are signs up about public nudity though as it is not allowed due to the fact that it is used for lots of children's' swimming lessons so would be wholly inappropriate.

I'm not sure on the age policy as we use a university pool but 8 or 9 seems reasonable to me.

It is also a problem if the pool is attached to a hotel or gym complex. I didn't want my 10yr old DS going to change on his own in a public men's changing room where there are no cubicles. Sometimes he would be the only kid there his age. Pools offering classes need to provide family changing rooms.

Very awkward. A lady keeps bringing her 9 /10 year old son to our toddler swimming class. It is very awkward getting undressed and dressed before him and there is an enormous sign on the door saying that it is a girls' changing room and from the age of 9/10 boys need to go into the boys changing room etc. He doesn't actually join the class as it is a toddler session but I guess he is at a loose end. I am no prude, but it is tiring to try and hide your bits at every opportunity. Normally I wouldn't care bit it will soon be very cringey for him.

YADDDNBUMy daughter just started new lessons & it was in the intro letter that children must use the changing room linked to the adult with thems gender. I thought it was a bit obvious but guess not!

YADNBU
Interesting to see thoughts on age DC should be able to sort themselves out. My DD is 11 and would more than likely leave something behind, nor rinse her hair properly, not dry her hair enough etc etc. 8 is way too young. IMHO 12-ish is more reasonable. Suppose it also depends on how developer they are...

Halloween Your DD of 11 has no business being in a men's changing room. That's for men. There may be too many places from which men wrongly exclude women, I dare say there are, but that is not one of them. it is not fair to her and it is grossly unfair to them. It's up to you to train her not to leave things behind and to rinse and dry her hair properly.

When I was 8 or 9 I used to go to swimming lessons at school and sort myself out. 12 is secondary age. Shouldn't you be encouraging independence and privacy?

Welcome to MN, OP. What a night.

12!

If she leaves something behind then check her bag when she comes out or pick it up from lost property. You can't make a 12 year old strip naked in front of adult men because you are worried a hair bobble might go astray.

I would have never gone into men's changing room with df. Mind you he went once to local pool with my brother. Wasn't his thing, 70s child.

I understand your point. If you take your son into the ladies room, female classmates or neighbors and friends might be in there, and neither your son or the girls would be comfortable being seen naked by each other.

8 YEAR OLD THREAD
Kid probably grown up now