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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums in the boys' swimming changing rooms?

116 replies

Dadof3boys · 13/02/2016 23:37

Sorry to intrude here, but this is a genuine question and I would be interested to hear your views.

I have always taken my 3 sons swimming, but have only recently started to feel uneasy at the many women in the male communal changing rooms helping their sons (some up to the age of 9/10) get changed.

I feel that we have segregated facilities for a reason throughout society: remember the outrage over mixed sex hospital wards? I don't think it right for my sons to have to follow the rules on being in the 'correct' facility only to find a grown woman in front of them in the swimming changing room.

I have recently asked mums in the boys' changing room to (politely) use the girls' changing room. When faced with a roll of the eyes and a mutter of "I'm only here for him", I ask if they would be happy to find me, a grown man, in the girls'...? I could also argue that if their boys are old enough to be embarrassed to be in the girls', then they are old enough to dress alone! They have all left fairly quickly not wishing to have the argument. The swimming lesson manager is a wet fish...

My wife is embarrassed and leaves the lessons to me now, but accepts my logic!

AIBU?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 13:39

"'if they'd been a 8 and 9 I dont' think I would have liked sending them into the mens. I don't know who is in there.'"

Yes you do. Other male people over the age of 8.

Balletgirlmum · 14/02/2016 13:40

At school pools there are no disabled or family changing areas.

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 13:42

Bertrand, male people that I don't know, who may or may not be a danger to my children.

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 14:38

"Bertrand, male people that I don't know, who may or may not be a danger to my children."

How exactly is anyone going to be a danger to your child in a busy changing room full of other children and dads and decent men?

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 14:45

Because I dont know if it will be full of otherwise decent men. It's not that unusual to just have one or two other people in a changing room.

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 14:47

It is not totally unheard of for kids to be assaulted in swimming pools. A 10 year old was raped in a changing room a couple of weeks ago. I would prefer to be over cautious.

Pipbin · 14/02/2016 14:59

However, women being in the boys changing room is not equivalent to a man being in the girls changing room. A man is much more likely to be a threat than a women. So, the women are annoying and inappropriate but don't pose a threat.

Grown men do not want women in there when they are changing. Not all men are rapists you know. Most of them like to have privacy and prefer to keep their penises to themselves. It's not about the women being a 'threat' but about the men not wanting to be naked in front of random women just the same as you would not want to be naked in front of random men.

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 15:29

"It is not totally unheard of for kids to be assaulted in swimming pools. A 10 year old was raped in a changing room a couple of weeks ago. I would prefer to be over cautious."

Where did that happen?

Fluffyears · 14/02/2016 15:40

My issue is boys who are well over 8 years old in the female changing rooms. There have been times where I have felt uncomfortable changing whilst a young lad of 11/12 has stared at me. I have perfected changing under a towel now.

bruffin · 14/02/2016 15:43

It happened in vienna in december i think.
But i dont think it is an excuse for 9 and10 yr olds boys to be in the ladies changing rooms.

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 15:45

Think it was Austria, Bertrand. In January of this year iirc. Tried to avoid reading the details tbh.

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 15:48

I agree that it is not appropriate for 10 year olds to be in the wrong changing room, but there needs to be another option for people.

bruffin · 14/02/2016 15:59

What about 10 year olds that go swimming by themselves are theyvsupposed to be allowed in any changing room the wish?

Our pool used to have male and female, family change and an accessable changing room and parents still took their older boys in the female., but it didnt help that the family area was often taken up with single sex and toddlers so if parents with older mixed sexes couldnt use them.
Thankfully we now have a new mixed changing village with private showers and lots of cubicles etc which is much better.

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 16:21

That's an awful case. But I have been asking for years for examples of anything horrible happening in a swimming pool changing room and this is th first time anyone has actually come up with something, the boy in that case was dragged out of the pool- I can't believe that the lifeguards didn't do anything- maybe thy don't have life guards?

But in any case- if you don't do things because something bad happened once then you would never do anything, would you? And if you think how many pools there are in Europe..............

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 16:22

Yes, lots of 9 and 10 year olds go swimming alone in our pool. Where do they change?

RaspberryOverload · 14/02/2016 20:26

Our pool has a non-segregated changing area. All cubicles, some being family sized ones. Toilets are separated but that's all.

WinterWinnie · 14/02/2016 20:29

That's so strange...

The age is 9 at our pool - so, if a child is 9 or under, they go in the changing room with their parent and it's what ever gender the parent is, not the other way around!

bruffin · 14/02/2016 20:53

It was age 8 before the built the family village. It is also 8 and a good swimmer to go into pool without an adult.

Andrewofgg · 14/02/2016 20:55

My pool has a rule: ninth birthday and up. Not long ago I challenged a chap who was bringing in two girls - his daughter and his niece - who were obviously older: he agreed that they were 11. I said Sorry, they'll have to change in the women's side and he said They'll mess around and take all day and I said That's not my problem and another man joined in and agreed with me - and he very reluctantly gave way.

The other man and I were right. It is not acceptable to us to have girls of that age around while we are in a state of undress - even if father/uncle is content for them to undress in our presence, which I also find uncomfortable.

It's no doubt true that men are a greater danger to girls than women are to boys - although the risk is infinitesimal - but there has to be a line, it has to be the same both ways, and it has to be observed. Even if it is inconvenient and wastes good swimming time.

TooBusy4TV · 15/02/2016 18:24

Madness OP, she has no place in there.
Our local pool has been recently done out and it's mixed gender with lots of cubicals. Far better

Mouseinahole · 15/02/2016 18:41

My 9 year old dgs goes into the men's changing room on his own. His 6 year old brother goes into the ladies' with me or his mum. If they are swimming at the same time they both go in the men's and the big one helps his brother.

DeeJaneH · 15/02/2016 18:47

I CANNOT believe a woman is going into the MALE changing room to help change their son. The woman should go into the FEMALE changing room with their son. After the age of 8, should be more than capable of getting changed themselves, If my husband takes our daughter ( 9) he waits outside the changing room. When our son was young, he was helped with changing with me in the women's If a male was in the female changing rooms regardless of them changing their daughter, I would ask the staff to have a word and ask them to leave.

EweAreHere · 15/02/2016 18:49

Around here, 7 is the cutoff for children to be in the opposite gender's changing room; parents don't get to ever go in the opposite gender's changing room. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

And if a child has special needs, there are usually unisex disabled bathrooms or changing rooms available for such issues.

dansmum · 15/02/2016 18:54

Am I the only one who really thinks bodies are just bodies, we've all seen naked? I really wouldnt and dont care. I use family changing where its available. There are cubicles for the shy. People just get dressed quickly..none of this strolling about in the buff malarkey. Maybe I'm just bot that bothered bing busy finding talc socks, goggles trainers etc to look !

shovetheholly · 15/02/2016 18:55

I'd say 9/10 is way old enough to change by yourself. I did a LOT of swimming as a youngster, and I was changing myself from the age of about 6. I'd have been mortified to have my Mum flapping round me at 9!!

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