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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums in the boys' swimming changing rooms?

116 replies

Dadof3boys · 13/02/2016 23:37

Sorry to intrude here, but this is a genuine question and I would be interested to hear your views.

I have always taken my 3 sons swimming, but have only recently started to feel uneasy at the many women in the male communal changing rooms helping their sons (some up to the age of 9/10) get changed.

I feel that we have segregated facilities for a reason throughout society: remember the outrage over mixed sex hospital wards? I don't think it right for my sons to have to follow the rules on being in the 'correct' facility only to find a grown woman in front of them in the swimming changing room.

I have recently asked mums in the boys' changing room to (politely) use the girls' changing room. When faced with a roll of the eyes and a mutter of "I'm only here for him", I ask if they would be happy to find me, a grown man, in the girls'...? I could also argue that if their boys are old enough to be embarrassed to be in the girls', then they are old enough to dress alone! They have all left fairly quickly not wishing to have the argument. The swimming lesson manager is a wet fish...

My wife is embarrassed and leaves the lessons to me now, but accepts my logic!

AIBU?

OP posts:
tomatodizzy · 14/02/2016 00:43

I agree, at our local little children are just dressed and changed next to the pool and anyone able to dress themselves 7+ goes into the appropriate changing room. At the local pool near my mums they re-built it and made the changing rooms unisex, they have cubicles anyway. It made life a lot easier when we used to use the pool.

Still chuckling at the fish.....

Flashbangandgone · 14/02/2016 07:28

An adult male persistently came into the women's changing room to change his two youngish girls (maybe 3 & 6)

Unbelievably inappropriate!

Unless a child has SEN, from 8 (if not before!), they should be able to dress themselves - the parent can always 'tidy up' after. However, you would effectively be sending an 8 yo unsupervised into an adult environment to get dressed.... I know there aren't paedos around every corner but that would make me uncomfortable.... The answer is more family/cubicle changing facilities

Flashbangandgone · 14/02/2016 07:29

Ps By tidy up I mean tuck in shirt, brush hair etc

louisejxxx · 14/02/2016 07:39

I work at a private swim school. Our rule is that children of 8 years old should be in the correct changing room for their gender, preferably changing without a helper but if they need a helper then it should ideally be of the same gender as themselves.

It's a bit pinickety, but without any sort of rule then chaos would descend.

honkinghaddock · 14/02/2016 07:50

I agree that males shouldn't be in the female changing room and vice versa. It does make it limiting sometimes as one of our local public pools has no unisex facilities which means I cannot take my disabled son swimming there.
I have taken my son into a ladies toilet (and cubicle with me) when there has been no other choice but there should be no one undressed in there.

sportinguista · 14/02/2016 07:52

At our pool the cut off is 8. I'd expect a child of above that age to be able to dry and dress by themselves. They have to for PE at school so why not at the pool. My son will be going in the mens once he is of age.

Small children fair enough he goes in with me. If DH goes he will go in with him to get used to the male one though.

Inertia · 14/02/2016 08:09

The adult goes into the appropriate changing room for the adult's sex.

The child goes with the adult until age 8 (or whatever the rule is at the pool), then changes him or herself in the appropriate changing room.

If you want to change as a family, use the family changing room.

There should be separate accessible changing facilities for people with disabilities to use.

So no, women should not be in the men's changing room.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 14/02/2016 09:12

Yanbu

I agree with PP that non segregated changing rooms (all individual and family cubicles at my local pool) works best and avoids the problem of parents with opposite sex DC.

Agree that if child needs help they should be on the changing room relevant to the parent they are with.

Only time I'd think it would be acceptable was if child was that age where they can change alone but they had some problem (like PP and her son's missing clothes).

BertrandRussell · 14/02/2016 09:17

You're not sending them into an adult environment- your're ending them into either a male or a female environment.

With all the other people of that sex over the age of 8.

Woodhill · 14/02/2016 09:20

Yanbu bit odd unless SN. Y5 primary do school swimming at that age so the boys have to change etc

Ameliablue · 14/02/2016 09:24

The facilities vary greatly, round here most of the council pools have communal changing with different sized cubicles so no problem but most of the private lessons are in schools that have separate bid and girls rooms with no individual cubicles. There are 3-4 different levels in the pool at once so you can have a range of ages from 3-12. The classes we went to were early evening and more mums than dads so the mums felt entitled to go to the men's as not many men to complain.

araiba · 14/02/2016 09:24

op should start doing naked star jumps, squats, lunges etc

i think the women would leave quickly

BarbarianMum · 14/02/2016 09:27

We have had this where ds2 swims. When I mentioned it on here I was told I was unreasonable. Boys apparently don't deserve privacy until they're older (puberty) Hmm

Pipbin · 14/02/2016 09:37

star jumps, squats, lunges etc

That'll do it. Also, vigorously drying your balls will help.

On a serious note, women get rightly upset by men in women only spaces. The same applies in reverse.

Fancymarmite · 14/02/2016 09:57

I have this problem as well. I take 3 children swimming to lessons at a private pool. It is not used by anyone other than the children having lessons while we are there.

I take my 2 small DTs (5) into the girls changing room and send my 9yo DS into the boys changing room. He is very unhappy that women take their sons into the boys room and he has to get undressed in front of these women. He says he doesn't want ladies seeing him getting changed. The women in there were most put out when spoken to by the teacher, and feel that they should be able to use whichever room they want (their sons are mixed ages, around 6-10). No men ever go into the girls changing room.

There are children up to the age of about 12 having lessons, so I think gender segregation is definitely needed!

VocationalGoat · 14/02/2016 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StableYard · 14/02/2016 09:59

Our primary takes the children in yr3 swimming so they are more than capable at 10yrs.

The SEN argument only applies in the minority of cases and but the adult should STILL be in the correct gender changing room. It is also unlikely that a child who is undertaking mainstream swimming lessons and so coordinating limbs, listening to instructions etc is then that unable to undress, dry off and re-dress again.

My son has SEN (autism, dyspraxia plus more) and we still didn't impose on others dignity.

Fancymarmite · 14/02/2016 10:02

No family changing at our pool. It's just for children and there is just a communal boys room and a separate girls room.

Itsmine · 14/02/2016 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainWarbeck · 14/02/2016 10:12

YANBU, but I think that's a pretty universal opinion from the replies on here.

At our pool the cut off is 5 which seems pretty young to me. Saying that, there are a couple of family cubicles available.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 14/02/2016 10:21

Find out what the pool policy is, then you will have them onside.

However, women being in the boys changing room is not equivalent to a man being in the girls changing room. A man is much more likely to be a threat than a women. So, the women are annoying and inappropriate but don't pose a threat.

IoraRua · 14/02/2016 10:23

I completely agree with you OP.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 14/02/2016 10:25

My sons have lessons at a local primary school so no adults getting changed. And we are meant to go into the changing room to fit gender of parent. I still get funny looks from some mums of girls though, even though I try to quickly scoop my boys into the only cubicle if it's free. Possibly why some mums do take their sons into the male changing room but it's double standards because men would soon be kicked out of the girls changing room.

RosaDiazepam · 14/02/2016 10:33

Yanbu at ours the child goes into the changing room of the sex of the parent. So a girl with her dad would go in the men's

bruffin · 14/02/2016 10:36

Aretheyanyleftatall
A verybyoung ciuple with a baby came in the ladies changing room when dd wss having her lesson. He changed in the cubicle. I told them he wasnt to be 8n there and reported outside. They alsonlefy the young baby in its seat floating in the deep end, they were no way near it.
I was also annoyed that the lifeguards said nothing to them., so reported them as well.