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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re drinking with DCs

39 replies

TickledOnion · 13/02/2016 21:46

I'm a single parent with 2 DCs age 4 & 6. A couple of times we have been to a party/family gathering at a particular family member's house. Both times she has suggested I have a few drinks and get a taxi home. I'm happy to have one drink before the meal but hate the thought of being too drunk to drive in charge of the DCs. Other family members think I'm a bit boring though there's never any pressure. They are all couples so maybe 2 drunk parents is less of a problem or maybe 1 stays sober. Even when there is no driving involved I don't think I'd enjoy putting my kids to bed feeling tipsy. AIBU?

OP posts:

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 13/02/2016 21:51

You know your situation and your limits.

For me, the village bus stops at 6. So if a dc or me is hurt after that, it's either got to be bad enough for an ambulance... Or I drive.

I will sometimes have a glass of wine when they are asleep. But most of the time, I am not bothered.

If I knew I could walk home (drunkish), find my keys, work the door... Walk 5 mins to nearest hospital, with injured kid in buggy, I might be more of a drinker.

YANBU. Drink isn't everything.

MillionToOneChances · 13/02/2016 21:55

I haven't drunk enough to not be able to drive whilst in charge of the kids after I had to get my DC to A&E after they had a random accident (nothing to do with my drinking) after I'd had a boozy lunch with friends. I was mortified. Never again.

Muskateersmummy · 13/02/2016 22:00

I feel the same, I rarely have more than a small glass of wine now because 1) we co sleep and 2) I want to know that at least one of us is ok to drive if we have an emergency and need to get to hospital.

It a personal choice but as I'm not much of a drinker anyway it's not great hardship

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 13/02/2016 22:01

I've no capacity for alcohol these days so I don't ever have more than one drink if I'm alone with the children, so a good 95% of the time.

Everyone knows their own limit, and I'm pretty sure most people work within that.

You're not unreasonable to stick to what makes you comfortable.

museumum · 13/02/2016 22:04

Fir me there's a biggish gap between driving and tipsy.

I wouldn't drive after more than half a glass of wine. But I can have two or three glasses before I feel tipsy.

Not being able to drive in charge of ds doesn't worry me as there are taxis where I live and the kids a&e is less than a £10 taxi.

Twinklestar2 · 13/02/2016 22:04

YANBU

I will only have a glass of wine or two if I know I'm responsible for my 18-month old.

Sirzy · 13/02/2016 22:07

In an emergency you could always phone a taxi/friend/ambulance so I wouldn't use at alone as a reason not to drink.

Personally I drink occasionally, never close to the level of not being able to look after Ds but possibly past the being able to drink level (well certainly as I will never drive after even one drink)

PeppasNanna · 13/02/2016 22:09

I don't drink at all because I'm a SP & never have a break from the dc so always 'on duty'.

YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2016 22:10

You should only drink when you want to and not because people think you're 'boring'.

But WRT being over the drink drive limit, there are tons of parents who don't own cars at all, so would manage with a taxi no problem.

However, if you have a car and you would prefer to drive it then of course YANBU at all.

cariadlet · 13/02/2016 22:12

YANBU.

I used to drink quite a bit (not often, but if I was on a night out) before having my dd, but gave up when I was pregnant and have drunk very little since. I honestly don't miss it.

I've had a few drinks if dd is having a sleepover with her grandparents or friends, but would only ever have 1 glass if she was with me or I was going home to her. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little bit tipsy around a child, but I wouldn't feel comfortable about it myself.

shatteredmama · 13/02/2016 22:16

Op, you're a lovely, caring and responsible parent for having that approach, ignore any comments or pressure, you have to do what's right for you, and I totally get where you're coming from, it feels scary to possibly be unable to deal with something should they need you.

amazingtracy · 13/02/2016 22:20

I honestly couldn't live my life with the 'what if there's an emergency' thinking. I'd be like a meercat waiting for the unseen danger over the hill. that alone would drive me to drink

FYI- single parent, 7 year old and live in the sticks. If I'm drinking and over the limit-I'll call a taxi.....

I'll be popping to the kitchen for my second double G&T in a minute.........

Original poster

TickledOnion · 13/02/2016 22:24

I hadn't even considered the emergency scenario. It was more just the feeling of not feeling totally in control when I'm with them.

I do like a drink and more than make up for it on the nights they are at their dads.

OP posts:

squoosh · 13/02/2016 22:25

I agree with museumum. Depends how alcohol effects you, whether you're tipsy after two glasses of wine or not. I wouldn't drive after even one drink but that doesn't mean I'd feel drunk after two or three.

Do what suits you. If you're happy with the way things are then continue that way.

whaleshark · 13/02/2016 22:30

I am happy to have a couple of drinks with DS around, but of course YANBU not to want to. Drinking is not compulsory, and you should only do it when you want to.

amazingtracy · 13/02/2016 22:35

Tickled I guess the difference is that my husband died when my child was a baby. I don't have weekends off.
On saying that experience has taught me that the hangovers are not worth it the next morning! tipsy at most in the amazing household!

CalicoBlue · 13/02/2016 22:39

I got slated on another parenting site years ago, when I posted a similar post. Saying that I was on the computer, DH out and kids in bed and just pouring myself a third vodka and asked if there were parents who did not drink or always made sure that one of them was sober.

Then I was told that I was irresponsible for being over the driving limit whilst in sole charge of the children.

It did not change my drinking habits. DH and I would often have a boozy night with the kids at home. They are now teens and I have never had to take them to hospital when I was drunk. Never had any problems. We have all survived.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2016 22:42

I'm pretty sure any tipsy parent would go from tipsy to completely sober in 0.2 seconds, if faced with an emergency.

TooOldForGlitter · 13/02/2016 22:43

What do you do if you can't drive? Get shitfaced nightly?

edwinbear · 13/02/2016 22:45

Being drunk in sole charge of a child under 7, in a public place (on the way home for example) is an offence I believe. But even if it wasn't YANBU nobody should put pressure on you to drink when you don't want to.

TooOldForGlitter · 13/02/2016 22:45

This is one of those delightful "I'm a superior parent but I'm gently hinting at it" threads. Yay!

skankingpiglet · 13/02/2016 22:46

I also think there is a huge difference between being over the drink drive limit and being tipsy enough to be unable to adequately look after the children. In case of an emergency and being over the drink drive limit, you call a taxi if it isn't serious enough to warrant an ambulance.
Usually we work it that either DH or I can drink freely and the other has at most one small one, but there have been occasions where we have both been over the drive limit as we've been at home or within walking distance of home.

altctrldel · 13/02/2016 22:49

Each to their own. Personally if I was in charge of somebody who wasn't able to look after themselves/get themselves to the hospital in an emergency I wouldn't drink.

It could be something to do with the fact that about 15 years ago we were on a family holiday. I won't go into in depth detail as it will "out" me but my brother had an accident that nearly cost him his life which would very likely of been avoided if one of my parents decided to stay sober.

ZiggyFartdust · 13/02/2016 22:58

Men. I have a child with a chronic illness and trust me, when you sober up fast when you have to. Ive done it many times. But I don't live my life based on the chance of emergencies.
If I feel like drinking when in charge of children I do, I'd I don't I don't. What other people do is immaterial.

ZiggyFartdust · 13/02/2016 22:59

Meh not men. Not quite sober now!

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