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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I a mug?

115 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/02/2016 18:00

My friend asked last week if I could watch her toddler for a day last week and over this weekend.
She and her dh are working and their regular childcare (gm) is unavailable this week. I agreed, and it's absolutely no problem for me to look after her.
It did mean that on the weekday I lost my weekly 2.5hr freetime (when dd goes to to pre school). My dh works away 3 weeks at a time so it's the only time I get to go for a long run without taking the buggy. I didn't mind as I was helping her out, and it's a one off.
Her dh works shifts, so on that day I had their dd I saw him run past me when I was on the school run. I was a bit surprised as I didn't reaslise at the time that his shifts are basically an hour, 3 times a day. So 3 hours work in total. He goes home and does what he wants in between.
I felt mildly annoyed when I found this out as I'd basically given up my only freetime so he could go for a run!
I've had her all day today too. I have 2 of my own children so having a 3rd wasn't a big deal and we had a nice day out. Her mum picked her up and was annoyed as she'd just found out that her dh has pulled a sicky today, he's not sick. He happily dropped his child off with me this morning, and when I made small talk about his day he gave me the impression he was working. Now, it didn't bother me much as their dd just slotted in to our day today.
But tomorrow is different. I have their dd all day again. I'm giving up my chance to go for a run with the buggy but also I'm doing a 3 hour journey to my sister's once friend's child has been collected. I'm having to leave at tea time, when I'd rather leave earlier.
I'm tempted to text friend now and say that I can no longer look after her child. I know it's not her fault but afterall, if her dh can pull a sickie today for no reason, then why not tomorrow? I feel like I'm being spiteful though, but also feel a bit of a mug! Would IBU to do this?

OP posts:

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 14/02/2016 11:01

Thanks everyone.
Yeah I do hope that they learn from this. Although it's not my place or problem now.

OP posts:

mummytippy · 14/02/2016 11:04

I agree with ExPat... I think I said previously... I think the Grandma is already fed up.

Your friend has already hinted at his behaviour before... perhaps your friend needs a word with her MIL. That would help you back out of the situ too as you won't be doing it again. The DH litterally needs to ''Jog on!!!''.

All this when they know your DH works away too but as I also said before too ''Once bitten...''.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 14/02/2016 11:06

Oh yes rookie I'm more than happy to watch people's kids if they have a race or activity/hobby to do. But it's the deceat (sp?) that is the piss take.
I wouldn't have even been to bothered about today, but it was the fact that he'd already taken the piss in the week.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 14/02/2016 11:10

Please, do not offer to keep her child so her husband can run and do races. They are pisstakers. They have proven this to you more than once. She asks again you say, 'No. I feel really taken advantage of and I'm not here to provide childcare so your h can run. I was lied to and you both knew it.'

Iggi999 · 14/02/2016 11:18

I wish I had a friend like you. Maybe once a month I'd ask you to watch the dcs, and I'd be so grateful. I'd return the favour if you wanted, or shower you in chocolate (and gin) if you didn't.
Why is it always people who take the utter piss who meet helpful folk like you and not me?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/02/2016 11:26

He's a right nob jockey. And she's letting him!

Well done op

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 14/02/2016 11:28

Haha iggi I'd happily help you out, as long as you weren't lying to me about what you were doing. It's okay to ask people to look after dc whilst you go do something you enjoy. There's no need to lie.

OP posts:

Potatoface2 · 14/02/2016 11:29

as i said, i feel sorry for your friend.....hes awful.....maybe she feels that her daughter is safer with you rather than her own dad.....how sad.....think your friend is very under the thumb by her husband...she seems to be the main breadwinner and hes sounds like a cock lodger who wants to do what he wants when he wants as he wants with little regard to his wife and child....i would be having a serious talk with my friend about that!...you need to be assertiv with her and she needs to be assertive with him....it wont end well in the long run for them!

IguanaTail · 14/02/2016 11:30

Pulling a sickie on an old man who he is "caring" for, that he only pops in to see 3 times a day and who lives just down the road is really despicable.

Did anyone else reading this thread actually gasp when they read that the husband wasn't starting work till 2pm?

Never babysit again for them. She knew her husband wasn't starting work till 2pm - she's no peach either.

EweAreHere · 14/02/2016 11:37

You were providing free emergency childcare as a favour, not free childcare so husband could swan off and do what he likes. What a creep. And your friend was letting him, regardless of her admission of needing to grow a backbone.

I'm glad you said No.

EweAreHere · 14/02/2016 11:39

Oh, and based on her not being allowed on a girl's night out if he decided he was going to do something instead, their marriage probably won't last long anyway if your friend starts demanding he do his share when it comes to childcare and allowing her to have grown up time/alone time, too.

lunar1 · 14/02/2016 12:46

Bloody cheeky sods!

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 14/02/2016 13:17

Hurray! Was following this thread last night and this morning and am very pleased to hear you have put your foot down. What a pair of mickey-takers! Hopefully this will be the wake up call your friend needs to give her man - child DH a kick up the backside!

SharkSkinThing · 14/02/2016 13:20

For you, OP

I am a doormat and this kind of stuff happens to me too. You have inspired me to be a bit less doormatty!

Lindy2 · 14/02/2016 14:57

I think you did the right thing. You know they would have carried on doing this over and over again if they thought they could get away with it. They aren't stuck for childcare, they are stuck with the same normal responsibilities that a lot of us have everyday.
Jump in the car quick and enjoy your visit to your sister's.

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