Am I a mug?

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

My friend asked last week if I could watch her toddler for a day last week and over this weekend.
She and her dh are working and their regular childcare (gm) is unavailable this week. I agreed, and it's absolutely no problem for me to look after her.
It did mean that on the weekday I lost my weekly 2.5hr freetime (when dd goes to to pre school). My dh works away 3 weeks at a time so it's the only time I get to go for a long run without taking the buggy. I didn't mind as I was helping her out, and it's a one off.
Her dh works shifts, so on that day I had their dd I saw him run past me when I was on the school run. I was a bit surprised as I didn't reaslise at the time that his shifts are basically an hour, 3 times a day. So 3 hours work in total. He goes home and does what he wants in between.
I felt mildly annoyed when I found this out as I'd basically given up my only freetime so he could go for a run!
I've had her all day today too. I have 2 of my own children so having a 3rd wasn't a big deal and we had a nice day out. Her mum picked her up and was annoyed as she'd just found out that her dh has pulled a sicky today, he's not sick. He happily dropped his child off with me this morning, and when I made small talk about his day he gave me the impression he was working. Now, it didn't bother me much as their dd just slotted in to our day today.
But tomorrow is different. I have their dd all day again. I'm giving up my chance to go for a run with the buggy but also I'm doing a 3 hour journey to my sister's once friend's child has been collected. I'm having to leave at tea time, when I'd rather leave earlier.
I'm tempted to text friend now and say that I can no longer look after her child. I know it's not her fault but afterall, if her dh can pull a sickie today for no reason, then why not tomorrow? I feel like I'm being spiteful though, but also feel a bit of a mug! Would IBU to do this?

Yeah, I won't be accepting again. I feel very used!

What time are they due to drop her off? I think it will be very rude if they don't text you back before dropping her round!

In an hour.
Tempted to text again to say that I'd like the to pick her up early regardless of whether her dh goes to work.

I would if I were you!

It's very rude that she didn't text you back. When they drop her off tell them what time you are setting off and that they will need to be there before then. Don't set off late for them today.

You sound like a lovely friend and shame on them both taking the piss!
Don't let that happen again, when they drop off the child make your plans for the day clear to them. Your free time is as precious as theirs.

'I had her for 11 hours on one day last week!'

They are both pisstakers. I'd tell them to pick her up earlier. And NO more childcare. Just none. No matter what her sob story.

They've just popped round with their dd. My friend came in 1st as her dh was bringing the car up.
I explained that I can only watch her until half 2 (instead of half 4)
She said that's okay and could I drop her off at her work, which she was a bit worried about due to health & safety.
So I asked when her dh startes work. Turns out, not until 2! His plan was to dropp dd off, drop friend off at work, go do a running race, come back to work for 2, then come pick dd and friend around half 4. So I said no.
I said if she's really struggling after 2, then he can drop dd off here then and I'll push my drive back. But I'm not having her until 2.
My friend said not to worry (she really is lovely and admitted that she needs to grow a backbone) and her dh can drop their dd off at her work at 2 instead.
So now I'm not looking after their dd at all, which is great! But I feel really bad!

That's outrageous. I can't believe that either of them thought that would be okay. Good for you for saying no.

So they wanted you to watch their dd but her dh wasn't working until 2? .

Cheeky sods, your friend too.

Good to hear you stood up for yourself.

Absolute piss take!

Don't feel bad you did the right thing. Honestly how totally cheeky!

The fucking audacity of that man! He has no respect for you, that's for sure, or his DW. How dare he expect you to look after her while he does as he pleases?

I bet every time the DW is working, the DD gets shipped off to grandmas regardless of whether he's actually working or not.
They presumed you'd do the same! On reflection, she is as bad as him.

It's not just the Husband, your friend was complicit in taking you for granted.

What a cheeky shit!!! Good for you though, well done for standing up for your self.

Well done. They were being really, really cheeky. I think they were both as bad as each other to be honest.

I think that may be true wicks
I do feel sorry for her, as he does seem to do as he pleases and she has to pick up the childcare pieces.
His commitment to running is too much, and there is no balance.
She came round for drinks the other night with a few other friends but the day before she said that she's hoping to still come and that dh doesn't change his mind about wanting tk do something himself. The drink eve had been arranged for 2 weeks!
I do feel bad, but at the same time I am hoping that this will give them both a bit of a wakeup call

You shouldn't feel bad. It's kind enough to give a helping hand,but when one of the parents is available, that is tremendously cheeky of both of them.

Either do not do it in future or ask for their babysitting in return sometime so you can have a break.

wow. just wow.

well done for saying no. they can pay for childcare if that's the kind of crap they want to pull.

Shameful You said and did the right thing. Please don't feel bad!
It's their DD and for them to sort out Sounds like the H is perhaps of the view 'you have your DCs anyway... what would one more do'? Not working until 2pm!!! FGS He needs sorting by his DW.

Today hopefully he will simply have to learn to BE A PARENT and support his DW when she is working and vice versa... that's marriage and having DC!

Now, enjoy your day (not feeling guilty).
Do not feel bad. You should feel proud of yourself! Well done and...
It's a great day for a run with the buggy!

Don't feel bad! She was using you, too. He just CBA'd. I can't believe she was going to leave her child with you and had the cheek to ask you to drop her at her work when her H was home the entire time! How much you want to be his mother has had enough so now they were hoping you'd be the new landing pad.

'I'm not here to provide childcare so your husband can exercise or do what he pleases.' Answer enough.

I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself OP.

Her H sounds terribly selfish, but that should not be your problem, and by looking after their DD you were enabling his behaviour.

In future I'd be very wary before doing any babysitting. It's tempting to say you'll never do it, but if you do find yourself in that situation then I would ask- how long is the H working for making it clear that you will only cover for work, not for hobbies or his relaxing time.

Honestly the man has an absolute cheek. You are meant to sacrifice your run for him. Hope he paid an entrance fee for it. Thing is if they'd been honest and said that he really wanted to participate, would it be ok if you looked after DD for the run time only, you may well have said yes. Instead of lying and pretending it was for him to work, which it wasn't until much later in the day.