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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My husband has had cosmetic surgery

86 replies

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 08:30

He's over 60 and has done this before. I went away for a few days and when I got back I noticed his face looked different. I asked him about it and at first he denied everything. After a few days I asked him again and he admitted he's had threads put in under the skin to lift his jowls. This isn't the first time he has done this. He has had a nose job, eye lifts, mini face lift, chemical peel etc. He knows I absolutely hate anything like this. He always does it behind my back when I travel. I think it's pathetic and have told him he will end up looking like Mickey Rourke. Our 2 teenage kids would think he's a laughing stock if they found out. I'm thinking of walking out. AIBU?

OP posts:

RJnomore1 · 12/02/2016 08:31

If your teenage kids won't notice it's not that bad.

TurnOffTheTv · 12/02/2016 08:33

Why do you hate it? It's his body and if it makes him happier what's the problem?

ScarletForYa · 12/02/2016 08:36

Wait and see what the results are like. If he ends up looking like Bruce Jenner, ltb.

But if it's good work, meh.

Curlywurly4 · 12/02/2016 08:36

You might not like it but it's a bit controlling to tell him what to do with his body. I'm guessing he lies as he's worried about your reaction.

You sounds disproportionately upset about it. Are there other issues in your marriage?

SurferJet · 12/02/2016 08:37

Try going away for a month - you might come home to Johnny Depp.

Original poster

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 08:38

Kids are at uni in another country.
I don't know why I hate it. I dislike it in anyone. To me it smacks of narcissism and vanity. And the fact that he tries to hide it and lies about it to me annoys me.

OP posts:

tigermoll · 12/02/2016 08:38

Ultimately, he gets to decide if he wants to have surgery, not you. You don't have jurisdiction over his face.

Why do you object to it so much? Unless it's because he's spending family money that you desperately need, I think YABU.

NorksAreMessy · 12/02/2016 08:39

Is this one of those 'gender reverse' threads?

Original poster

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 08:40

@Curlywurly4, yes there are other issues in our marriage. He didn't work for 10 years I still support everyone financially by working my butt off and I hate sleeping with him.

OP posts:

TurnOffTheTv · 12/02/2016 08:40

Do you wear make up? Get your hair cut/blow dried or coloured? Wear jewellery? Nice clothes?

MsJamieFraser · 12/02/2016 08:40

you may hate it but its his body, I would not say he is doing it behind your back because going by your OP, you have gave him no other choice.

there must be more issues in your marriage for you to be thinking of leaving him.

Original poster

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 08:41

He has a friend who is a cosmetic surgeon and he tells me he gets the work done for free

OP posts:

acasualobserver · 12/02/2016 08:43

I hate sleeping with him.

That's more of a problem than his nip and tuck addiction.

Curlywurly4 · 12/02/2016 08:43

Ah well, that's understandable then. The self obsession would piss me off too. YANBU.

I would think about leaving, sound miserable.

Original poster

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 08:45

Thanks for replies x

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 12/02/2016 08:45

Why on earth are you still with this man? If the children live away from home and you don't like him, why stay with him?

Obs2016 · 12/02/2016 08:49

Very odd. I'd quite like to have the treatments he's had done. Suspect there's more going on here. Jenner, ha ha.

catsinthecraddle · 12/02/2016 08:54

It's a shame he feels he has to sneak out to do it.

Cosmetic surgery is amazing to help people feel better about themselves. We are lucky we have access to it (well, I would if I could afford it!).

As long as he understands that he must keep it SUBTLE or it will look ridiculous.

Were you traveling for work?

ohtheholidays · 12/02/2016 08:55

Your still supporting everyone financially and he's having cosmetic surgery and I call bollocks OP on his friend doing it for free!

I can understand why you'd be upset I'd be bloody furious what if something happened dure in the surgery and you had no idea that he was even having something done?It's rare but it does happen and the fact that he doesn't think to talk to you about it,I couldn't imagine being in a marriage where there was so much secrecy.

You do sound really fed up and downtrodden honestly OP is there any reason your staying that's just for you?If not then I think you have your answer.

scarlets · 12/02/2016 09:04

I doubt that a surgeon would operate on a friend for free. All sorts of ethics issues there.

MadamCroquette · 12/02/2016 09:07

I would find it a bit grim too, I know that's judgemental but I just wouldn't like a partner perpetually hacking around with their face, male or female, and also being dishonest about it. It does sound as if he's a bit obsessed with his appearance, and that's not very attractive to some people, me included. It is his choice I agree, but you don't have to stay with him. It sounds as if you have little respect for him anyway so this just adds to your contempt. Why not get rid?

ZiggyFartdust · 12/02/2016 09:07

It's his face, he can do what he likes with it.

But why are you married to a man you clearly can't stand?

shutupandshop · 12/02/2016 09:08

Your reasons are shit,its up to him. he may well end up looking like a plastic doll

Original poster

cushion53 · 12/02/2016 09:11

I wish I'd left ages ago.... we live in another country so the kids do come back to the family home for holidays. I've tried to kick him out a couple of times but he keeps coming back. Financially he cannot support himself here and I resent having to support 2 houses. It's a mess, frankly.

OP posts:

MadamCroquette · 12/02/2016 09:12

Your reasons are not shit. If you don't like it, you don't like it. He's also happy to lie to you which it's totally reasonable to be pissed off about!

That isn't to say it's OK to tell him what to do with his face - it's not. But you can leave.

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