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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the heating?

38 replies

teeththief · 10/02/2016 23:23

I've just come up to bed and realised DH has, once again, turned the heating on beyond the set times. He's telling me he's cold, I'm telling him I'm hot. My argument is that he can put another layer on but I can only cool down by opening a window which makes him putting the heating on pointless.

I win this one don't I? and no he isn't a controlling twunt for anyone ready to pile in

OP posts:
ZiggyFartdust · 10/02/2016 23:26

You don't automatically win. It depends what the actual temperature is. You could be hot while its bloody freezing, or he could be a whiny ass who wants the house tropical.

BreconBeBuggered · 10/02/2016 23:30

At this time of night, as you seem to have had the heating on already, YANBU.

HeddaGarbled · 10/02/2016 23:32

Where are you? It's fucking cold here - SE England.

DropYourSword · 10/02/2016 23:33

The fact you say he is extending the set time rather than increasing the temperature leads me to think this is probably more a battle of wills than you genuinely being 'too hot'. Sounds like more of an excuse so you can get your way! Can you be honest with yourself enough to see whether this is correct?

Original poster
teeththief · 10/02/2016 23:38

I'm honestly hot! And, on further inspection, he has turned the heating up. He's asleep now and I'm on top of the covers fanning myself. Maybe it's the menopause...

OP posts:
cariadlet · 10/02/2016 23:38

Generally I'd say that whichever person is feeling cold needs to put a thick jumper on. If they've given been wearing one for a while and are still cold then they get to put the heating on without the other person moaning.

BUT ... who on earth switches the heating on at half past eleven at night? If your DH is that cold he might as well just go to bed - he can always read or play a game on his tablet/phone if he isn't tired. It doesn't take long to warm up once you're under a duvet.

Original poster
teeththief · 10/02/2016 23:39

And, and..he can still layer up. How do I cool down?

OP posts:
cariadlet · 10/02/2016 23:40

And, on further inspection, he has turned the heating up. He's asleep now and I'm on top of the covers fanning myself.

That's ridiculous. It's a complete waste of money and gas/electricity to have the heating on once you're asleep.

peggyundercrackers · 10/02/2016 23:40

You win - in bed if your cold you put a blanket or a throw on not leave the heating on. It's not that cold now, we are past the worst of the cold weather.

Original poster
teeththief · 10/02/2016 23:41

cariadlet He was in bed when I realised what he'd done!

OP posts:
BreconBeBuggered · 10/02/2016 23:43

You can turn it off now, can't you? Cool yourself down at another window while he snores., then go back to bed.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 10/02/2016 23:44

You win! I have this debate daily with DD she always cold I've told her to go put more clothes on or go outside then come back in. DS 5 is always in just a pair of pants so when he says he's cold it really must be cold.

But then I shrivel up like a prune if I got I bed with heating on and no window open

JakeyB · 10/02/2016 23:48

YANBU!

Doesn't matter if it's the menopause - there is a limit to what you can strip off to cool down - there is no limit to what the cold person can add to warm up.

Used to have this problem with my EX, who would have slept all summer with the winter double-duvet on and the window shut while I was gasping for air.

Remind him that people can die through over-heating, and if he loves you he'll just get himself a hot water bottle. Smile

ZiggyFartdust · 10/02/2016 23:51

there is a limit to what you can strip off to cool down - there is no limit to what the cold person can add to warm up

There is though. DP tells me to put on a jumper, when I am wearing one. As well as a cardi, a scarf and a sodding bobble hat. And its 12 degrees in the kitchen.
The colder person shouldn't have to always just put up with it.

GarlicBake · 11/02/2016 00:05

You win BUT I'm on his side. My flat is 23° all the time I'm not actually in bed, and I still need to wear furry boots, etc indoors. My bed is heated, too. The only time I've ever been too hot was in the Amazon, and I'd still prefer that any day to being cold.

The actual temperature does matter. There've been a few posters on here whose partners are abusing them with cold.

AndNowItsSeven · 11/02/2016 00:13

I have arthritus , extra layers make no difference to the pain in my bones caused by cold.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 11/02/2016 00:19

Do you know what the temperature actually is? If it's a not-too-cold room then YANBU but if it really is very cold then I'd have turned the heating up on the sly too though not for the pleasure of going to bed

Qwebec · 11/02/2016 00:31

I second Garlic, there are a few women I know that when they hit menopause needed the temp to be 13 degrees to be comfortable. Everyone else hand to wear winter coats, scarves and hats or else the tantrum was terrible (still under shock).

So the actual temperature is important.

PovertyPain · 11/02/2016 00:35

You could buy a big assed, electric fan and switch it on at your side of the bed. "Oh dear, is the noise annoying you DH?" Wink

nokidshere · 11/02/2016 04:06

We have the same conversation daily! Dh is always cold and I am always hot. I'm home alone from 9-3 so I turn it off and open the windows. I turn it up to 15 when the children come home but leave the windows open.

When dh gets in around 6 he turns it up to 24 and closes all the windows 😮 I then suffocate in silence (whilst wearing as few clithes as I can get away with) until he goes to bed when i turn it off again 😄

There is no game playing - he is genuinely cold and I am genuinely hot! We sleep separately, him in his cocoon with duvets wrapped tightly round him, all blinds and curtains and windows closed, me with a light cover, blinds and windows open and a large fan going all night.

But I do agree that it's easier to layer up and be warm than it is to cool down

KinkyAfro · 11/02/2016 08:40

I don't think we are over the worst of the cold weather, it's still early Feb, we've had snow as late as late March/early April in the UK

Oysterbabe · 11/02/2016 08:57

I'm with him. I really, really hate being cold and it annoys me how the hot person always wins. I don't want to wear a coat and gloves indoors.

MillionToOneChances · 11/02/2016 09:03

Given that nokids idea of turning the heating UP is to 15 Shock, I think it's highly relevant what temperature you like and what temperature he likes. At 15 degrees an extra jumper wouldn't cut it for many.

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 11/02/2016 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreconBeBuggered · 11/02/2016 11:56

I'm shivering now at the notion of turning the heating UP to 15, and I agreed with the OP. My house holds the heat pretty well and the rooms don't generally get much colder than that, even with the heating off. It's been switched off here since DS set off for school, and it's still 18 degrees in his bedroom on the north-facing side of the house.