To be annoyed that nursery worker called ds sneaky?

[Twasthecatthatdidit]

DS, who has just turned 3, went into a nursery 6 months ago. He goes through periods of being settled and not settling there (eg periods of crying going in). We've also been told from time to time he has hit others in the class. He's also the only boy in his class too. The last few weeks have been v good since he toilet trained which he's taken to ( think he's enjoying the praise) but today when I went in to collect him, and was standing holding him in my arms, I was told today was a bad day and he was hit some other children and the worker called him "sneaky" because apparently he kicked someone under the table. Am I being precious to think a just turned 3 year old shouldn't be labelled sneaky, in front of him and all the others in the class? We had issues a few months where he was calling himself bad, and we don't know where that came from. Have a little niggly feeling that this worker is a bit abrupt with all the children, but also not sure if she's taken against him (eg last year I think he told her he didn't like her and she didn't take it well). Or am I being a bit precious ? Re the hitting, we had a chat with him tonight about not hurting others which he seemed to take on board, also previously I've noticed his behaviour deteriorates when tired, I wasn't here last night and I suspect he may have been 30 to 40
Mins late to bed (dh is a bit lax). Should
I say something to her about it being inappropriate language?

It was you who derailed moon, I had tried to support the OP from the start. Your post was not in the least supportive or helpful.

OP, I hrtft but one thing strikes me is that you describe yourselves as 'not having routines' and being a bit hit and miss with timings etc.

Nurseries, by their very nature are bound to be very routine bound. Your son won't be used to this and perhaps, therefore will be finding the whole experience difficult. Square peg in a round hole? You sound fairly indulgent around discipline, too which will make it hard if you allow him to act in certain ways that they won't tolerate.

I suggest you either try to get on the same page as nursery so your son has consistency or find him a more relaxed environment such as a cm who has similar values to yourself.

None of this is a criticism, just an observation.

Sneaky is quite a loaded word and one that a three year old wouldn't usually be that familiar with. YANBU to dislike the word but YABU to be taking such issue with it in the circumstances.

If you have a strong instinct that your son is unhappy in his childcare setting yhen you need to act on that and find new childcare.

YABU, he was being sneaky and deserved to have this pointed out! Otherwise how will he learn? He deliberately hurt another child and tried to do it on the sly to avoid being told off.

The nursery has a duty to protect all children from harm, that includes being strict about aggressive/bullying behaviour. If your DS didn't feel bad about being caught out in front of everyone, it would be worrying. Hopefully being called 'sneaky' has brought it home that kicking and hitting is unacceptable.

If you're not happy with the staff or nursery policies, or he is consistently unhappy there, it might be wise to find a different nursery or try a childminder.

but there's times when he gets so upset going in, even when he doesn't cry it's more resignation than enthusiasm ( I think). So I guess I'm looking for reasons why

sorry if this had been addressed but how long has he been like this?

I dont doubt he would also be a little naughty in a nursery he likes, but maybe you should just look for another place anyway that he looks forward to going too.

its hard on a 3 year old to have to face a long day in a setting he is ^^ so upset he doesnt even cry anymore when he goes in

Amouse, he has been like it on and off since he started. He seems to find it most difficult after a holiday or break. It is v upsetting to think of him spending all day somewhere he doesn't like.
However he had a v good day today, happy going and out and no trouble during the day. I'll keep an eye on the situation, it is probably just 3.5 months more.