AIBU to want to call police on MIL??!!

[paperchase0verdone]

Ok, so this is a long thread so please bare with me! lol
My DW's Gran passed away on November 6th 2015. Funeral was booked for the following week.
Now Gran was the type to always have money, she didn't buy much and was a bit of a money hoarder, well a hoarder all around TBF. So Gran has 4 children. My MIL being one of them and the only girl.
Gran had cancer and other complications so had to spend near off 6 weeks in the hospital. Gran left my MIL her bank card and asked her to pay of Provident for her every week (£50) Gran received DLA and Income Support. So as her bills came out Direct Debit (only had SKY at that time which was £27 a month) Gran came out to find most of her money gone (!) out of her bank but never said anything to my MIL as she was to ill to even worry about that (Gran died a week later at home)
Funeral bill comes through. MIL took £700 out of Gran account to pay deposit on funeral. Left to pay was £2400. Gran's benefits were still getting paid and we presumed MIL would pay it towards funeral. Gran was gifted a £450 cheque from Marie Curie which was delivered AFTER Gran was gone. Again, we thought it would go towards the funeral bill. MIL had applied to the benefits to help pay and they awarded her £1600 towards funeral cost, which left £800.
Now if we take into account the £450 from Marie Curie, that would leave £350. Gran was due her final benefit payment on the 9th November (not sure on the amount) So there's us thinking all paid off! Great.
Oh how wrong was we?!?!
MIL had in fact SPENT the cheque of Marie Curie, has SPENT every penny from Gran's bank account (the benefits still paying in) and the funeral home were giving her FINAL DEMANDS to pay the remaining balance. MIL has admitted to taking money from Gran account, making the account over drawn.
I'm FUMING! So is my DW but not as badly as me. I'm on the boarder of going round there and just kicking off because as Gran's kids WONT pay, I'M NOW HAVING TO PAY THE REST OFF!! Well, I say I but I mean we. But you know what I mean. We have 2 children as well as a Foster Child and spending that amount out is just going to kick us where it hurts.
MIL still has Gran bank cards, wont hand anything over to us because she knows we will see she has been taking money which would have paid this off. AIBU to want to go to the police? DW thinks I shouldn't but isn't this THEFT & FRAUD? Surly so. DW doesn't think it is theft. I said it is because it isn't money MIL is entitled to or deserves.
She spent bloody charity money FGS. Money that could have gone to someone else, someone living, someone who deserves it. Not on bloody handbags (MIL had a new handbag every few days, fags, the whole lot) She was living the life of bloody riley.
So yes, the question is, AIBU about wanting to call the police and see if we can press charges? See if they can shut her bank account off? Get MIL done for fraud? This whole situation is stressing out my DW so badly. Not sleeping, not eating, crying, snappy. Just awful.

*become not becom

If she was still in receipt of DLA, then she must have been under 65? So it would be financial abuse of a Vulnerable Adult, perhaps, but with the sums involved, the CPR wouldn't proceed, tbh.

If MIL was her NOK, then unfortunately, she had the legal right to deal with the funeral, DC etc. On that basis she claimed the funeral payment. They do ask if there is anyone in the immediate family (that includes the OP and her DW) is working and could cover the costs, so a declaration has been made that there wasn't.

If the Uncle is on a low income, I don't think that an offer to pay it at £5 a week, is unreasonable, tbh.

It's up to your DW if she wants to go to the Police, it doesn't matter what anyone in here thinks, this was her Gran and is her Mum (although a shit one).

If she doesn't want this and you push for it, you'll be the one causing her further upset.

My Mum died in September, I informed DWP, but didn't follow up on other things until November. I'm starting Probate in a couple of weeks. There isn't a legal time frame for that.

The death of her Gran will make it easier to distance yourself from the rest of them, so this drama will come to an end soon.

Your MIL has acted in a way enough to go NC, she's done you a favour.

If you don't want to pay the £800, then don't, but your DW can, if it's important to her.

Personally I wouldn't, unless this amount means very little to you.

Not my Monkeys, not my Circus, certainly does apply to that side of the family.

I hope you've made Wills etc.

""DWP was notified (not by MIL, by Gran's Best Friend as MIL didn't bother to do it, the BF even sorted out the bloody funeral!! MIL is useless!!!!) ""
"" This was told to us by the BF over the phone""

This person is having a good (incorrect) gossip and probably treating it like a Soup Opera.

I'd stop getting involved in gossip.

MIL had had to deal with the DWP, as they request her to, which includes filling in forms, supplying evidence. I've did it in September.

If MIL won't speak to your DW, keep out of it, but cut the 'BF' off from her source of amusement.

Just to add, BF, might of went with the MIL to places, but she unless she signed the contract with the FD, she didn't 'sort it out', which she couldn't have done, because of the DWP payment.

I'm just trying to help you clarify what she should dismiss and concentrate on.

You've got an extra stirrer in the mix, which needs getting rid of.

She's committed theft and fraud
If you don't report it you're complicit

Agreed go to the police, this is not your debt and your mil is a gold plated wank badger!

By all means pay for the funeral if that's what your DW wants to do and you can afford to.

But I'd still call the police and lodge a formal complaint.

I'd pay for the funeral for your wife's piece of mind. And I would be telling MIL that you will not have anything more to do with her.

unfortunately whether your wife still see her mum or not is up to her. But I would be making it clear that NO money of yours will be going to her.

I wouldn't go to the police solely because I think it will be added stress for your wife.

So I know that on these kind of sites, you get the good and the ugly with regards to users and their comments. Some supportive and sincere, others just blunt/rude and uncalled for.

I am NOT doing this for any kind of attention. As people have called me out for saying I'm 'enjoying' this or 'putting myself into it' and them said people are judging (!?) based on one thread, I will clarify a few things now.
We (as a family) have very VERY dysfunctional families. From all bloody sides. So, as a result, we have distanced ourselves away from any family members that cause ANY kind of drama. I DO NOT put myself into any frames for attention or to be in on any kind of gossip.
I hate drama, my life is (was) happy, fulfilled and care free - to an extent - to one which I couldn't really complain about. So No, I do not enjoy any kind of attention regarding this subject.

As for the MIL, we do NOT have much contact with her, can happily go 8-10 months with out a word to her. Uncle the same. We know these kinds of families can drag you down with them so chose to steer clear from all of them. DW has only been thrown into MIL's way as Gran died so DW didn't have much choice but to see her/speak to her.

Ok, so after DW talking to Uncle, and us going over things, nothing makes sense with what MIL is saying. BF has been taken out of the situation now as I cannot make sense of what she is saying either.
I cannot keep up with the MIL's different stories, lies so I'm just calling time on this whole thing.

I have told DW that if she wishes to pay of the Funeral, then that is down to her. I cannot stop her. What I can do is report the MIL to the police as MIL is not forthcoming with anything and because DWP or the bank will NOT talk to us, we are stuck as to how to move forward.
Theft is theft is theft.
That's how I see it. So we are going down that road. DW isn't keen on her 'Mum' anyways, we spoke and she admitted that if it was on my side of the family, she would be jumping on the phone within seconds! Which sorted out my reasoning.

Thank you for helping, because believe it or not, some of the comments really helped my DW into making her choices, and me too.

I have a will and so does my DW. I urge anyone to do the same! Lol

It's astounding how many people on here don't know the rules about social fund/state funded funerals!!

If there are members of the extended family who aren't on certain benefits they will be liable to pay the funeral costs!

Also if grab has given out her pin there isn't going to be evidence beyond reasonable doubt that she didn't authorise the mil spending the money.

Claiming benefits after someone dies is fraud though and the dwp pursue these things quite aggressively.

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility oops forgot the link!